Entertaining new ideas

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In the old days we didn't have television and movies. In the old days we used to skip down to the quayside when our childish labors at the dark satanic mills were through and watch the refuse floating in the backwash. There were any number of quaint dead things to poke at.

Which brings me to the subject of the thread: television is always in need of ideas for new programs, since the fickle public palate soon tires of the same old rubbish and ever demands new and more tittilating rubbish for its delight. We are just the ones to do the job. Why, just a few hours ago, as I luxuriated in my weekly bath, I dreamed up a new series based on the exploits of a distant relative of mine.

I would call it The Man From P.O.R.L.O.C.K.. My relative was a minor country squire with a taste for meddling. It passed the time, he said. He especially like to go visiting and interrupting people at their work, in the hopes of wangling a cream scone, a cup of tea and some gossip.

For the purposes of mass entertainment, this premise may not be sufficient (although this never seems to stop production of some series.) I expect it should be jazzed up a bit.

My idea is impose the fictional convenience of my relative being a SPY! He would collect dossiers on a succession of Georgian personages, while working for a highly secret branch of the Anglican Church that does Good Works.

The Church, of course, officially disavows the existence of this branch of the church. In the public eye, all the church is interested in is tinkering with the liturgy.

I solicit any ideas you might have for improving this drama, or for launching programs of your own. Do not do this because I ask it of you. Do it for the children!

― Aimless, Saturday, 23 November 2002 19:11 (twenty-two years ago)

He's not called Dante, this relative of yours, is he?

― Pooster (pooster), Saturday, 23 November 2002 20:44 (twenty-two years ago)

In real life, his name was Cuthbert. But, for the purposes of fiction, I think Dagobert sounds better.

― Aimless, Saturday, 23 November 2002 21:08 (twenty-two years ago)

I like Dagobert. Cuthbert ith too hard to thay.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Saturday, 23 November 2002 21:14 (twenty-two years ago)

I am thinking the main character could use a "sidekick". This gambit is widely used in such melodramas.

A valet would be the obvious choice. But this has been done to death. Dropping aitches all over the place. Bumbling but shrewd. Comic relief by way of miseducation. One gags at the thought of another such. Is there some better occupation we could saddle upon him? And what of his name? I like the sound of Havelock, but I suppose we had better square him with the caste system before we can name him.

― Aimless, Sunday, 24 November 2002 02:28 (twenty-two years ago)

1) Catbert and Dogbert. It will appeal to the IT guys.

2) I think Havelock is okay, but smacks too much of Havelock Ellis, the notorious weirdo. If you want a cod-Englishman's name, how about Snetterton? Or Crabtree? The list is, literally, endless. If you don't believe me, I'll prove it.

― Pooster (pooster), Sunday, 24 November 2002 04:39 (twenty-two years ago)

how about a Spy Vs Spy with the catholic church.

― Jsenlib, Sunday, 24 November 2002 20:14 (twenty-two years ago)

The sidekick should be gay to introduce some sexual tension. Or maybe a woman who's disguised herself as a man. That would leave room for some of the requisite gratuitous sex scenes.

Yes. I can see that working. A female wannabe vicar, whose only way into the C18th church is through subterfuge, and "The Synod's Man" - (suggested title for series BTW.)

The irony of a spy who can't spot a female transvestite should provide ample subplot and comic opportunity for the first few episodes. Of course, Dagobert eventually spots the blindingly obvious, and they become secret lovers.

― Pete Andrews, Monday, 25 November 2002 09:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Its already been done!

― Robin (RJM), Tuesday, 26 November 2002 09:00 (twenty-two years ago)

On ice, in space too.

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Tuesday, 26 November 2002 14:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Since when has plagiarism ever been a problem for a TV series?

― Pete Andrews, Tuesday, 26 November 2002 16:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Judge Dreads - West Indian Courtroom drama, this week the "Lilt Man" sues for defamation.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Tuesday, 26 November 2002 20:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Next Week: The Man from Del Monte is exposed as a Nazi war criminal, and L'il Minnie goes shopping for a new dress when she is invited to a soca party by August Darnell.

― pooster, Tuesday, 26 November 2002 20:24 (twenty-two years ago)

"Catch a falling star" - D list celebrities are voted out of a 9th story window, and people are invited to phone in with instructions to a team of blindfolded blanket-catchers.
"Left a bit, no, no I meant my left, that's your right, right, right, back a bit, a bit more.... oH!"

"Do I win anything for a near miss, Dale?"

― Pete Andrews, Wednesday, 27 November 2002 15:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Waiting for a star to fall As above, only in depressing and tedious real time.

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 28 November 2002 00:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Danger, USB! Watch in helpless horror as IT 'experts' do battle with computer peripherals that simply refuse to work. PLUS "The World's Worst Computer Crashes caught on camera!" - witness the horrific carnage caused as a runaway CPU deccelerates from 2 Gigahertz to zero in 50 picoseconds.

Before They Were Typecast - See your favourite Hollywood stars as you've never seen them before.
Robin Williams and Jim Carey play a pair of shy introverts. Charles Bronson plays a liberal social worker. Woody Allen stars as a self-confident, assertive, and successful used-car sales. Danny Devito is the suave gentleman catburglar in "Raffles". Marvel as Jack Palance does NOT play a cowboy, and Robert Englund plays an entirely normal person.

― Pete Andrews, Monday, 2 December 2002 10:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Pete! Those were extremely funny! How about a variant on 'Golden Shot', where ... no, never mind. There are ladies present.

― Pooster (pooster), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 00:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Casualty/Stars in Their Eyes.....

"I'm extracting the star now..."

― Pooster (pooster), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 00:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Goldeneye: When Golden Showers go Wrong...

― Pooster (pooster), Friday, 6 December 2002 00:03 (twenty-two years ago)

and yet somehow, oh so right.

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Tuesday, 10 December 2002 01:06 (twenty-two years ago)

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