Proper Titles and Assorted Handles

I know part of this place's charm stems from our egalitarian informality, our sense of Bruderschaft, and our famous conviviality, but I fear that in those moments when it actually comes in handy (such as when you're drinking free liquor at a Royal garden party or when one's DT fired hallucinations
conjure up Princess Margaret or the feue Queen Mum) we may not all be socially equipped to avoid the kind of vexatious gaffes that destroy one's sense of self-worth. Should you find yourself boozing it up with any of the following, here's a helpful guide to how to address them:

Royalty

Name
Envelope:
Opening of Letter:
Verbal Address:
place à table:

Her Majesty the Queen
The Private Secretary to Her Majesty the Queen
Dear Sir/Madam on first correspondence and thereafter by name
Your Majesty, thereafter 'Ma'am'
HM The Queen

His Royal Highness the Duke of Edinburgh
As Above
As Above
Your Royal Highness, thereafter 'Sir'
HRH The Duke of Edinburgh

His Royal Highness the Prince of Wales
As Above
As Above
Your Royal Highness, thereafter 'Sir'
HRH The Prince of Wales

His Royal Highness the Duke of York
As Above
As Above
Your Royal Highness, thereafter 'Sir'
HRH The Duke of York

His Royal Highness Prince Edward, Earl of Wessex
As Above
As Above
Your Royal Highness, thereafter 'Sir'
HRH Prince Edward, Earl of Wessex

Her Royal Highness the Princess Royal
As Above
As Above
Your Royal Highness, thereafter 'Ma'am'
HRH The Princess Royal

Her Royal Highness Princess Alice, Duchess of Gloucester
As Above
As Above
Your Royal Highness, thereafter 'Ma'am'
HRH Princess Alice, Duchess of Gloucester

His Royal Highness the Duke of Gloucester
As Above
As Above
Your Royal Highness, thereafter 'Sir'
HRH The Duke of Gloucester

His Royal Highness the Duke of Kent
As Above
As Above
Your Royal Highness, thereafter 'Sir'
HRH The Duke of Kent

His Royal Highness Prince Michael of Kent
As Above
As Above
Your Royal Highness, thereafter 'Sir'
HRH Prince Michael of Kent

Her Royal Highness Princess Alexandra, the Hon. Lady Ogilvy
As Above
As Above
Your Royal Highness, thereafter 'Ma'am'
HRH Princess Alexandra, the Hon. Lady Ogilvy

Nobility

Name
Envelope:
Opening of Letter:
Verbal Address:
place à table:

Duke/Duchess
To His Grace the Duke/Duchess of Norfolk; The Duke/Duchess of Norfolk
Dear Duke/Duchess
Your Grace; Duke/Duchess
Duke/Duchess of Norfolk

Eldest son of a Duke (usually takes father's second title as a courtesy title)
To the Most Honourable the Marquis of Bristol; Marquess of Bristol
Dear Lord Bristol
My Lord/Your Lordship; Lord Bristol
Lord Bristol

Younger son of a Duke
The Lord John Family-name
Dear Lord John
My Lord/Your Lordship; Lord John
Lord John Family-Name

Wife of Younger son of a Duke
The Lady John Family-Name
Dear Lady John
My Lady/Your Ladyship; Lady John
Lady John Family-Name

Daughter of a Duke
The Lady Mary Family-Name
Dear Lady Mary
My Lady/Your Ladyship; Lady Mary
Lady Mary Family-Name

Marquess/Marchioness
To the Most Honourable the Marquis/Marchioness of Bristol; The Marquess/Marchioness of Bristol
Dear Lord/Lady Bristol
My Lord/Ladyship; Your Lordship/Ladyship; Lord/Lady Bristol
Lord/Lady Bristol

Eldest son of a Marquess (usually takes father's second title as a courtesy title)
The Right Honourable the Viscount Chelsea; Viscount Chelsea
Dear Lord Chelsea
My Lord/Your Lordship; Lord Chelsea
Lord Chelsea

Earl/Countess
To the Right Honourable the Earl/Countess of Rochester; The Earl/Countess of Rochester
Dear Lord/Lady Rochester
My Lord/Ladyship; Your Lordship/Ladyship; Lord/Lady Rochester
Lord/Lady Rochester

Eldest son of an Earl (usually takes father's second title as a courtesy title)
The Right Honourable the Viscount Craigmile; Viscount Craigmile
Dear Lord Craigmile
My Lord/Your Lordship; Lord Craigmile
Lord Craigmile

Younger son of an Earl
The Hon. John Family-Name
Dear Mr Family-Name
Mr Family-Name
Mr John Family-name

Wife of Younger son of an Earl
The Hon. Mrs John Family-Name
Dear Mrs Family-Name
Mrs Family-Name
Mrs John Family-Name

Daughter of an Earl
The Lady Mary Family-Name
Dear Lady Mary
My Lady/Your Ladyship; Lady Mary
Lady Mary Family-Name

Viscount/Viscountess
The Right Honourable the Viscount Knightsbridge; Viscount/Viscountess Fernhurst
Dear Lord/Lady Knightsbridge
My Lord/Ladyship; Your Lordship/Ladyship; Lord/Lady Knightsbridge
Lord/Lady Knightsbridge

Son of a Viscount
The Hon. John Family-Name
Dear Mr Family-Name
Mr Family-Name
Mr John Family-Name

Wife of a Viscount's son
The Hon. Mrs John Family-Name
Dear Mrs Family-Name
Mrs Family-Name
Mrs John Family-Name

Daughter of a Viscount
The Hon. Sophie Family-Name
Dear Miss Family-Name
Miss Family-Name
Miss Sophie Family-Name

Baron
The Right Honourable Lord or Baron Hesketh; The Lord Hesketh
Dear Lord Hesketh
My Lord/Your Lordship; Lord Hesketh
Lord Hesketh

Baron's Wife
The Lady Hesketh
Dear Lady Hesketh
My Lady/Your Ladyship; Lady Hesketh
Lady Hesketh

Children of a Baron
The Hon. John/Sophie Family-Name
Dear Mr/Miss Family-Name
Mr/Miss Family-Name
Mr/Miss John/Sophie Family-Name

Baroness
The Right Honourable Lady or Baroness Guildford; Baroness Guildford
Dear Lady Guildford
My Lady/Your Ladyship; Lady Guildford
Lady Guildford

Life Peer
The Lord Smith of Shipton
Dear Lord Smith
My Lord/Your Lordship; Lord Smith
Lord Smith

Wife of life Peer
The Lady Smith of Shipton
Dear Lady Smith
My Lady/Your Ladyship; Lady Smith
Lady Smith

Children of life Peer
Same form as children of Baron




Life Peeress
The Baroness Kavanagh of Malvern
Dear Lady Bright or Dear Baroness Kavanagh
My Lady/Your Ladyship; Lady Bright or Baroness Kavanagh
Lady Bright

Widow of Hereditary Peer
The Dowager Marchioness of Hesketh
Dear Lady Hesketh
My Lady/Your Ladyship; Lady Hesketh
Lady Hesketh

Former wife of a Peer (until remarried)
Sarah, Countess of York
Dear Lady York
My Lady/Your Ladyship; Lady York
Lady York

Baronet
Sir Dennis Thatcher, Bt.
Dear Sir Dennis
Sir Dennis
Sir Dennis Thatcher

Wife of Baronet
Lady Thatcher
Dear Lady Thatcher
My Lady/Your Ladyship; Lady Thatcher
Lady Thatcher

Children of Baronet
No Title




Widow of Baronet
Dowager Lady Cooper
Dear Lady Cooper
My Lady/Your Ladyship; Lady Cooper
Dowager Lady Cooper

Gentry

Name
Envelope:
Opening of Letter:
Verbal Address:
place à table:

Knight
Sir Henry Boyd
Dear Sir Henry
Sir Henry
Sir Henry Boyd

Knight's Wife
Lady Boyd
Dear Lady Boyd
My Lady/Your Ladyship; Lady Boyd
Lady Boyd

Dame
Dame Caroline Kavanagh
Dear Dame Caroline
Dame Caroline
Dame Caroline Kavanagh

Gentleman
John James, Esq.
Dear Mr James
Mr James
Mr John James

I think that we need to establish our own proper titles and forms of address too, to further our aims of a well-regulated and courteous social order of inebriates. So, I have opted for the following:

Topers

Name
Envelope:
Opening of Letter:
Verbal Address:
place à table:

M. White, Dean of the Executive Board, Honorary Female Pope, Women's College and Den of Insalubrity, Wino Branch XI
Dear Madam Pope
You dim-witted sot, you
His Temulence, M. White, dépuceleur occasionnel