Sleep and gravity.

However...

Since the advent of portable illumination and in some cases, streetlights, we can wander about freely at night.

Most of us do not. We sleep at night and are awake in the daytime.

I wondered why and after 10 or 12 beers and a few shots of Mist...It dawned on me. (No pun intended.)

The earth is held in it's orbit around the sun by gravity. (Thank God for centrifugal force. Our relationship with that little star is quite close enough, thank you.)

I, lately, have been thinking that sleep and gravity are closely related.
At noon we (With the exception of Dude Steel.) are wide awake and standing upright. The sun is overhead.

Gravity.

At midnight the sun is 'under' us and it pulls us down (Except for Matt, who is probably still serving frogs, or some others on this list who are cooking meth in their grandmother's attic.)

Again...gravity.

I have mixed emotions about it.

I have mixed drinks about it.

Hey Zen,

"I bet you spend so much time on your back that the soles of your feet are sunburned" isn't normally considered a pickup line.

Just thought you might want to know......

It works for me.

Gravity is just this funky thing the universe insists on doing. No reason for it I can see. Just don't take it personally, Zen. Gravity happens. Just adjust your sights at 100 yards and allow for wind.

*sigh*

I hate to think that my life, what's left of it, has been reduced to trajectory.

At some point, after doing some elbow hoists, the rest of my evening is reduced to trajectory, and I can only hope that I was reasonably well aimed at a bed before the fall ends. Why should your life be any different?

As a military trained gunner, I was told that if you propelled yourself towards your bed and dropped your drink at precisely the same time...

Oh, hell, I don't know. Archimedes and Newton were merely speculating. They did't have access to a vacuum.

I have a vacuum between my ears but I lack scientific curiosity.

I have been told that I achieve maximum gravitas when sleeping.

See?

Not only does gravity compel us to assume a horizontal position, it also affects our brain cells.

I have much more to say about this subject but I will need to negotiate with someone about a "speaker's fee".

I have an e-mail from Stephen Hawking regarding black holes but I can't answer him until tomorrow when the sun is overhead.

It's 1 AM here and although I am upright, my brain cells have drifted from my frontal lobe and have settled in the lower part of my skull.

(Let me simplify this for everyone, Zen, You're a fucking idiot.)

So? What's your point?

*drops trousers*

(That's your answer for everything.)

It is not called the "Law of Gravity" for nothing
This is what keeps Zen's trousers around his ankles That and the lure of the llamas

*whispers*
Please don't mention llamas around еdë §téè£. He has a voracious sexual appetite and his wife gets jealous when he visits the zoo. He stands there drooling with his hands in his pockets, (he wears his 'special' trousers with the pockets cut out).
She IS wonderfully understanding of his perverted infatuation and because she loves him, she wears an alpaca sweater to bed.

Is an Alpeca sweater closely related to those ugly and expensive sweaters worn by oversexed agressive types like Bill Cosby?

I'm sorry sir, but I must take exception to your last post. If, hidden within, there is an insult to llamas or their close relatives...

SHAME ON YOU, SIR!

If you or anyone else wants to heap belittlement on someone...That's why we keep еdë §téè£ around.

Matt used to be sport but he's gotten to be a little too quick on the comeback.

But why must you refer to me by that name????

I have feelings too....

Sure, they are buried deep below this scaley wart infested hide but am I not human?

Repugnant means to be pugged again.... well I say Pug you thrice.

Sorry Dude.

I'm really sorry.

I hereby withdraw two pugs. Henceforth you are NOT repugnent...just pugged.

IN THE FEDERAL COURT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

"ZEN CLOWN! You are hearby charged with pugging еdë §téè£. How do you plead?"

"NOT GUILTY! I have really never puged anyone in my life. (There WAS that incident with the penguin but there is no law against that.)HE started this."

"He brought up the subject of repugnecy. I, your honor, was merely defending the honor of llamas."

"Are you saying, Sir, that you were defending llamas and this man twisted your words around to make them seem defamatory?"

"Yes sir, that is pretty much the case."

"Well...As a llama lover myself, I find in favor of the defendant.

"еdë §téè£? step to the front of the courtroom! Bailiff? Whack his pee pee."

Is the priest now doing double duty as bailiff? Bet you he wears an ugly alpeca sweater whilst wacking his or anyone elses "pee pee".

I grew up calling the thing a "penny whistle", which seemed quite logical considering we would say, "I have to spend a penny" whenever we needed to go. Anyone else use these endearing terms?

MSW?

I'm beginning to think that you are weird.

WELCOME TO "ASK A DRUNK" !!!!!!