BEN TINHOLT IS FAT

For a small service fee of US$250.00, pre-paid, I would be happy to nod my head, while wearing a distantly amused look on my face.

How fat is he?

Slightly overweight?

Pleasingly plump, like Dude Steel?

Grossly overweight, so that if his body weight matched his height he would have to be 23 feet tall?

So fat that if he was butchered and rendered, there would be enough lard to fry fish for a multi-national Shriner's convention?

We need more information here. If you seek concurrence on this forum, be prepared to offer hard evidence.

Are we talking opera singer here?
Or merely that look of excess that afflicts us all during the Christmas holiday?
Or as the Germans put it "GROSSENPHATTBASTARD"?

Herr Clown is correct, and Mr Judge is continuing his fine work along appropriately stringent lines. We need facts, this is Ask a Drunk, not the House of Commons.

What proportion of the pies did he eat?
Could he hide behind your average prop forward?
Do small children point, stare and eventually cry?
Does he have "specialist magazines" devoted to him?
Is he just "big-boned"?
You're looking at an average-sized hatchback, what fraction of it does he constitute?
Is there a thin person inside, struggling to get out?
Is the thin person, in point of fact merely piloting a fat, robot Tinholt?
Do you have a hidden agenda?
Is he in fact as slender as the boy MacKenzie, and this nothing but a pile of lies, libel and calumny?
Did he steal your gal, turning her pretty little head with his willowy physique?
Did he?
I PUT IT TO YOU THAT THIS IS NAUGHT BUT SLANDER.

Enough of this hearsay and speculation!

Come forth, Ben Tinholt! Come forth and defend yourself.

Mr. Zorro? You sit over there and remain quiet while we ascertain the facts of this accusation.

I, as the chronological senior on this forum, will preside.

Is the thin person inside Ben Tinholt some he ate? Rather like a snake swallowing its victim whole. This will give all of us an insight into his dimensions and then we can reach a decision on Ben's status

I'm happy to report, folks, that he is no long very fat!

Why his being "no long" and "very fat" would make you happy is beyond my understanding.

Clearly the man is a frisbee.

Zorr(insert vowel here) must be all about the frisbee. It's the only explanation that makes a lick of sense.