Believe it or not

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If you pick up a Chihuahua by it's hind legs, it's eyeballs fall out.

― Zen Clown, Friday, 4 November 2005 11:00 (twenty years ago)

Michael White's cats are smarter than he is.

― Zen Clown, Friday, 4 November 2005 11:04 (twenty years ago)

Dude Steel uses after shave that smells like concrete.

― Zen Clown, Friday, 4 November 2005 11:07 (twenty years ago)

Rex, while pretending to read a book at the beach, fails to notice that it is upside-down.

― Zen Clown, Friday, 4 November 2005 11:11 (twenty years ago)

Matt Fallaize is illiterate.

― Zen Clown, Friday, 4 November 2005 11:21 (twenty years ago)

hurley has no concept whatsoever of upper-case letters.

― Zen Clown, Friday, 4 November 2005 11:23 (twenty years ago)

CJ, in reality, is a 70 year old nun.

― Zen Clown, Friday, 4 November 2005 11:29 (twenty years ago)

Aimless, after bathing in a mountain stream in the middle of winter, sat on a large rock and his scrotum stuck to it.

― Zen Clown, Friday, 4 November 2005 11:37 (twenty years ago)

Linda Spencer answers emails from idiots.

― Zen Clown, Friday, 4 November 2005 11:41 (twenty years ago)

Paul's mom took his computer away and won't let him have it back until he cleans up his his room.

― Zen Clown, Friday, 4 November 2005 11:49 (twenty years ago)

Jacob Wu was a virgin until he was married.

― Zen Clown, Friday, 4 November 2005 11:53 (twenty years ago)

Philip Greenspun dropped "Mindless Prattle" from Lusenet and kept "Ask Jesus".

― Zen Clown, Friday, 4 November 2005 12:05 (twenty years ago)

Anna, while quite verbose on the internet, is, in reality, mute.

― Zen Clown, Friday, 4 November 2005 12:20 (twenty years ago)

It is quicker to say "world wide web" rather than "WWW" possibly the only abbreviation that is longer than the original

― Geoffrey Judge ( Ivor Feltersnatch), Friday, 4 November 2005 13:18 (twenty years ago)

Michael White's cats are smarter than he is.

This is demonstrably true. Who gets up in the morning to go to work? Who feeds whom? Who pays who's medical bills? Who frets over and dotes upon whom? Do they ever pet me and call 'poodle kittle'? (Actually, it's probably better that they don't do that last one.)

― M. White (Miguelito), Friday, 4 November 2005 15:55 (twenty years ago)

I resemble that remark ....

― StrangeDays (StrangeDays), Friday, 4 November 2005 20:02 (twenty years ago)

apparently if you sneeze and keep your eyes open your eyeballs will fall out.

yet to experiment with this one

― StrangeDays (StrangeDays), Friday, 4 November 2005 20:19 (twenty years ago)

Do let us know, Linda.

― M. White (Miguelito), Friday, 4 November 2005 20:46 (twenty years ago)

If you clip the wings of a wild goose, it will walk south.

They walk rather than waddle out of scorn for their cousins, the ducks.

― Zen Clown, Saturday, 5 November 2005 00:15 (twenty years ago)

Mandrills think WE are ugly.

― Zen Clown, Saturday, 5 November 2005 00:20 (twenty years ago)

I think therefore I'm Sam.

― sam_, Saturday, 5 November 2005 00:30 (twenty years ago)

maybe after a couple more shots of chatreuse ...

― StrangeDays (StrangeDays), Saturday, 5 November 2005 00:36 (twenty years ago)

Some folks ask "Is your glass half empty or half full.".

My response is: "If it's whiskey, who gives a shit.".

― Zen Clown, Saturday, 5 November 2005 02:17 (twenty years ago)

Oh, my. Please put these question marks up there where they belong.

― Zen Clown, Saturday, 5 November 2005 02:21 (twenty years ago)

Jesus, under the burden of his cross, stepped on a sharp rock and uttered a curse word.

Belive it or not.

― Zen Clown, Saturday, 5 November 2005 02:26 (twenty years ago)

His mother, Mary, following along with the throng, heard the expletive and rushed forward to wash his mouth out with soap but was ushered away by the soldiers.

Belive it or not.

― Zen Clown, Saturday, 5 November 2005 02:36 (twenty years ago)

Zen Clown cn't spel.

Believe it or not.

― Zen Clown, Saturday, 5 November 2005 04:09 (twenty years ago)

i'm walking on air

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Sunday, 6 November 2005 11:29 (twenty years ago)

did you pull Kat's cousin then?

― Matt (Matt), Sunday, 6 November 2005 12:24 (twenty years ago)

harsh

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Sunday, 6 November 2005 12:46 (twenty years ago)

If you pick up a Chihuahua by its eyeballs its hind legs fall off.

― Aimless (Aimless), Monday, 7 November 2005 06:34 (twenty years ago)

Xome funt has xwapped my fomputer keyx around xo I fan't type

― Geoffrey Judge ( Ivor Feltersnatch), Monday, 7 November 2005 07:41 (twenty years ago)

never place a litter of chihuahua's next to a hungry pelican

― StrangeDays (StrangeDays), Monday, 7 November 2005 09:30 (twenty years ago)

CJ, in reality, is a 70 year old nun.

ihttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v506/Paronomasiac/SummerParty2005.jpg

Yeah, right.

― C J (C J), Monday, 7 November 2005 11:46 (twenty years ago)

Walter Matthau, yesterday.

― Matt (Matt), Monday, 7 November 2005 14:45 (twenty years ago)

That must be a rather modern order of nuns, CJ, 'cause I can't see your wimple at all.

― M. White (Miguelito), Monday, 7 November 2005 15:32 (twenty years ago)

I'm not sure I believe that that is a picture of CJ.

On a different note, I feel compelled to apologize for the blather I imposed upon this forum in my previous posts. They were the synergetic effect of intoxication and idiocy. I am sober now; a condition which I will correct forthwith.
The idiocy comes naturally.

― Zen Clown, Monday, 7 November 2005 20:50 (twenty years ago)

Nuns don't lie.

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 8 November 2005 08:46 (twenty years ago)

and priests don't have sex

― StrangeDays (StrangeDays), Tuesday, 8 November 2005 09:53 (twenty years ago)

That typo in the thread title is really starting to get on my tits.

― Matt (Matt), Tuesday, 8 November 2005 09:59 (twenty years ago)

Don't you have magical moderator superpowers to change thread titles, Matt?

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 8 November 2005 10:01 (twenty years ago)

Nuns don't lie

So you have to sleep sitting up? The mortification!

― M. White (Miguelito), Tuesday, 8 November 2005 14:59 (twenty years ago)

C.J.: I do indeed have those powers, but it would be presumptuous of me to go buggering about with someone elses thread without being asked (unless it was all getting a bit S3an M Hall).

Besides which, if I start doing that sort of thing where will it all end? You have grammar as immaculate as your hairstyle, and Monsieur White's diction is as neat as his wardrobe. Aimless of course is ineffable. But the rest of these shambling poltroons?

JUST KIDDING YOU'RE ALL LOVELY

― Matt (Matt), Tuesday, 8 November 2005 15:36 (twenty years ago)

This is why I'm not a moderator, see. I just don't have a fair and even-handed approach to things the way you do, Matt.

If I had magical moderator superpowers, I'd be strutting around these threads like some jackbooted bully, tidying up everybody's grammar and making you all sound interesting.

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 8 November 2005 15:50 (twenty years ago)

I'd like to see that.

― M. White (Miguelito), Tuesday, 8 November 2005 15:53 (twenty years ago)

You're too effing right, I'm ineffable.

― Aimless (Aimless), Tuesday, 8 November 2005 18:33 (twenty years ago)

That typo in the thread title is really starting to get on my tits.

Well FIX it Mat! It is nothing to me but a source of shame.

Your adoring servant, Mary.

― Zen Clown, Tuesday, 8 November 2005 19:21 (twenty years ago)

poltroons?

If you are using that archaic noun to insinuate that there may be a shit-head or two among the multitude, very well.

For a moment, there, I thought I may have been insulted.

Nevermind.

― Zen Clown, Tuesday, 8 November 2005 20:23 (twenty years ago)

making you all sound interesting.

I'm not sure I like your tone young lady.

― Matt (Matt), Tuesday, 8 November 2005 23:36 (twenty years ago)

I don't blame you - I don't much care for it either. I think I need to include more semitones.

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 9 November 2005 09:38 (twenty years ago)

I am quavering with excitment at the thought

― Geoffrey Judge ( Ivor Feltersnatch), Wednesday, 9 November 2005 11:01 (twenty years ago)

Sorry, I didn't mean to sound so crotchety. I'll have to try and stave the feeling off in future.

― Matt (Matt), Wednesday, 9 November 2005 11:07 (twenty years ago)

You need to breve deeply.

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 9 November 2005 11:52 (twenty years ago)

We are well past forte answers

― Geoffrey Judge ( Ivor Feltersnatch), Wednesday, 9 November 2005 12:34 (twenty years ago)

The key is to at least think before one types.

― M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 9 November 2005 14:52 (twenty years ago)

I wish I could do that.

― Zen Clown, Wednesday, 9 November 2005 19:16 (twenty years ago)

New adages for the modern world:

Think before you type - (M White)
Clean before you Cam
Vent before you send
Delete before you die
Google before you believe
More than an apple a day to keep the virus away

― MSW (MSW), Wednesday, 9 November 2005 22:50 (twenty years ago)

Re: adages...

100 years from now, this will be a long time ago.

― Zen Clown, Thursday, 10 November 2005 12:57 (twenty years ago)

a cross between a turkey and a chicken is a..........turkhen!!

true!!

― eric greenleg (greenleg), Saturday, 12 November 2005 00:05 (twenty years ago)

No, it is one very cross chicken and a rather vague turkey with a tendency to bump into objects.

― Aimless (Aimless), Saturday, 12 November 2005 02:50 (twenty years ago)

Solicitor is almost an anagram of clitoris
This explains so much

― Geoffrey Judge ( Ivor Feltersnatch), Monday, 14 November 2005 07:36 (twenty years ago)

In my experience a cross between a chicken and a turkey is largely indifferent to both as their understandings of even the barest rudiments of Christian theology are minimal, to say the least.

― M. White (Miguelito), Monday, 14 November 2005 14:55 (twenty years ago)

I had a pet chicken once. It would sit and listen while I read the Bible aloud.
One day, I guess we were up to the part where Moses was parting the water, and the chicken gave me "the look", as if to say "What IS that crap?"
At that time, I realized that the chicken, unlike myself, was semi-sentient and I began to read Poe's "The Raven".
The chicken became sexually aroused and at that point I knew that it had no concept of sexual deciency.
Later, it joined me for dinner. Unfortunately for it...only one of us dined.
If you have ever eaten a chicken that tasted perverse, it had probably been lusting after ravens.

Believe it or not.

― Zen Clown, Monday, 14 November 2005 23:34 (twenty years ago)

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