Once upon a time...

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...There dwelt a forum in the mythical land of Lusenet.

Sir Beardsley, between bags of potato chips, created it as a lark.

― Zen Clown, Tuesday, 6 December 2005 10:12 (nineteen years ago)

One of his heroes, Charles Bukowski, quipped some insane utterance about knowing God and summed it up by saying "Ask a Drunk".

Jacob snickered into his bag of potato chips, farted, and said "What a marvelous name for a forum! Perhaps we can get some Brits to participate! They had a jolly good time with the Normans and the Romans and the Germans but with the exception of Monty Python, their lives have been increadibly boring."

So it was.

Much like the famous painting of God touching the finger of Adam, Ask a Drunk was born. Like the noble woman discovering the baby Moses floating in the river, the Brits, primarily, embraced this forum and have made it what it is today.

(Do you realize, Mr. Clown, that what you have just written makes no sense whatsoever?)

Fuck it.

*drops trousers*

― Zen Clown, Tuesday, 6 December 2005 11:07 (nineteen years ago)

I, in my increadably inept way, was trying to pay tribute to England.

An English friend sent me a rather large mail parcel and I have been living, vicarously, in Yorkshire for the last several days. The beauty and wonder of the place astounds me.
My benifactor probably never dreamed that this old fool would open the package and inhale the aroma of England contained within.

I love it when people send me things.

Susan has promised me a kangaroo but I think she's kidding.

― Zen Clown, Tuesday, 6 December 2005 11:32 (nineteen years ago)

Seeded amongst the top 8 with 51 points according to Fifa, Mr. Clown.

― M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 7 December 2005 15:38 (nineteen years ago)

?????????????

Should I attempt to acertain what Mr. White is talking about or just sit here, as usual, with slobber dripping off of my chin?

(Google, Zen, google.)

Perhaps I will but I suspect it is a trap.

― Zen Clown, Wednesday, 7 December 2005 17:29 (nineteen years ago)

Fifa is short for ""Friends In Favour of Alcohol""
This is England's ranking based upon our new 24 hour drinking laws and it gladdens my heart to see that we are now ranked in the top 8 countries in the world for getting pissed as a fart

― Geoffrey Judge ( Ivor Feltersnatch), Thursday, 8 December 2005 07:31 (nineteen years ago)

24 HOUR DRINKING LAWS? SHIT! Does this mean that one is required to drink for 24 hours? MOTHER PACK MY BAGS, I'M OFF TO ENGLAND!

― ((Censored)) ((Censored)), Monday, 12 December 2005 02:21 (nineteen years ago)

*Upon ariving in england the young boy known as (Censored) discovers that 24 hour drinkning laws allow pubs to stay open for 24 hours.* Aw well, I'm hittin' the pub anyway. *He walks into a pub in a style most american. The patrons, decide they do not like him ver much, and knife before his lips even touch his glass.* FUCK!

― ((Censored)) ((Censored)), Monday, 12 December 2005 02:24 (nineteen years ago)

Tsk, tsk, lad.
Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

Consider yourself to be mildly reprimanded, B.

― Zen Clown, Monday, 12 December 2005 21:36 (nineteen years ago)

I don't know about Censored, but I have a special mouth I bought at a medical school for kissing mothers, or at least some mothers.

― M. White (Miguelito), Monday, 12 December 2005 22:18 (nineteen years ago)

Oh, i have one but i cant afford to buy one, i just rent it by the month.

― ((Censored)) ((Censored)), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 00:25 (nineteen years ago)

Oh, my...B.
I see we must work on your diction also.
Obviously, you will need to stay after school.

― Zen Clown, Tuesday, 13 December 2005 01:27 (nineteen years ago)

STAY AFTER?! Hell, I rarely stay all day, why would I want to stay AFTER?!

― ((Censored)) ((Censored)), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 05:01 (nineteen years ago)

i love you brits, screw america (I never liked our Constitution or our Revolutionary War anyway) I'm gonna go to the U.K., but first i need to find some whales to train to take me across the ocean. Now where to find whales?

― El Queso, Thursday, 15 December 2005 15:50 (nineteen years ago)

two weeks pass...

one good thing about america is the whales. Just get one from Sea World.

― ((Censored)) ((Censored)), Sunday, 1 January 2006 02:54 (nineteen years ago)

Didn't they free those?

― StrangeDays (StrangeDays), Friday, 6 January 2006 01:06 (nineteen years ago)

From the world-weary pain of their existance?

― Aimless (Aimless), Friday, 6 January 2006 01:17 (nineteen years ago)

No, merely from needless worry about Visible Panty Line.

― Rex (Rex), Saturday, 7 January 2006 00:03 (nineteen years ago)

from exposing limp dorsal fins on national television perhaps ....

― StrangeDays (StrangeDays), Saturday, 7 January 2006 09:10 (nineteen years ago)

two weeks pass...

ahh... the wonderful smell od conspiracy

― Gov. Jerry Brown (Uber Alles), Sunday, 22 January 2006 02:31 (nineteen years ago)

I'm in deperate need of more brits at my board. The brits give any message board life, and substance like no other. I beseech all the brits on the board. Help me.

― ((Censored)) ((Censored)), Thursday, 26 January 2006 19:10 (nineteen years ago)

ah. brit Coms.. gotta love.. I mean 1 character is named "humpfreys".. gotta love Brits

― Gov. Jerry Brown (Uber Alles), Monday, 6 February 2006 08:11 (nineteen years ago)

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