The judging panel of the always controversial Turner art prize made a surprise announcement this week -
It's a rollover!"The entrants for this year's competition all fell short of the minimum standard expected, even by our easily-impressed judges." a spokesperson for Tate Modern said, and continued; "The award will now be held over for another year."
They then went on to explain, "In view of the totally trite, tiresome, slapdash and mindnumbingly boring standard of entries that have been submitted over the last few years, reaching a nadir with the current entries, it has been decided to rollover the prizemoney, year on year, until a worthwhile entry is forthcoming."
They continued, "We're not holding our breath on that one, by the way. Although we do expect the accruing value of the prizemoney to improve the standard of entries no end by the year, oooh, 2010 or so."
The spokesperson added; "We're sorry to disappoint this years entrants, but hey! - they started it. And that's Art for you."
Tate Modern also sends this apology to the hordes of scrounging celebs who were expecting to shmooze around a free junket at the prizegiving ceremony later this week. "Sorry, but you'll have to find some other way of getting your pretentious noses in front of a camera. It's supposed to be an art prize, not a media circus. Thank you."
― Pete Andrews, Wednesday, 4 December 2002 10:38 (twenty-three years ago)
So basically it's a rollover Turner. I suppose my entry would then have to be a recreation of Arthur, that thing they use to do the lottery. But with doll heads instead of balls.
THIS YEARS FAILING ENTRIES
Joannah Trenby-Nesh. "Colour Perfume Wings float Mercilessly over Palestine".
Self-explanatory lego slapstick, containing elements of Jung, Sheersmith and Kandinsky. Several poorly constructed Technics kits hover lifelessly above a sea of crepe paper and preserved termites. A chilling piece that questions the experiencer about the nature of regret and motorways.
Louis Caiffe. "Fleshtweets"
Heavily influenced by the flail work of Jesper Meranic, this piece is basically a picture of John Leslie made entirely out of babyboobs. Stark and witty, it questions the viewarian about the horrors of mobile phone use and the cold impersonality of farmyard life.
Trevor Gek. "The Hunting Season"
Gek utilises the space with specious economy, placing a limited number of toploading VCR's in the gallery's largest room, the outside. The machines loop past episodes of Today with Des and Mel onto nearby flatpanel monitors disguised as ecstacy tablets as the exister-artport is encouraged to travel through the space and connect blankly to the drama of a world with and without television.
Maria Fleyuerue - "Folk Songs for the fifty second state"
A wide range of toys are placed inside an abandoned gas tank which the enjoyer places on their head as several robots play them violin sonatas and poke them with poles. While we, the receptacle, experience this a light show is played out outside the toylmet which we will never see. Cunning and not a bit soul destroying, this work is the favourite of Jarvis Cocker, who has since installed it in the front of his big fat pretentious grin.
― Lynskey (Lynskey), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 13:31 (twenty-three years ago)
Who could forget
Liam Spengles - "43 ways to say no"
Spengles contrives to offer a poignant view of negativety through the juxtaposition of genetically engineered seals and (ironically) 42 carefully frozen bubbles, the space frozen in the bubbles represents the eternal loss of experience through cynicism and negative attitudes and the seals represent blubber, of which the artist is strangely fond.
― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 14:10 (twenty-three years ago)
I always thought the Turner prize was a national Anthea Turner look-a-like contest.
― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Wednesday, 4 December 2002 14:41 (twenty-three years ago)