Why a duck?

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Blame-shifting is a tawdry and ugly habit, no matter how it is justified, yet it seems to pervade modern life. For example, I am always irritated when, during a heated debate, my opponent suddenly shifts ground and declares I have introduced a canard. This seems such a gratutitous charge. Most especially it seems unfair to the duck, who cannot defend himself. At least, not without resort to his beak, or worse, his webbed feet - both rather blunt and inefficient weapons compared to, say, a jaguar's teeth or a platypus's poisonous spurs. But then, Nature never seemed to smile with favor upon the lowly duck. Nor the platypus, neither, for that matter. But that is a tale for another day. Just dealing with ducks and modern life should, theoretically, be sufficient for one theread.

As I was about to ask, does this ever happen to others of you? And why pick on the duck? Why not the starling, which has earned the opprobrium attached to its name?

I await your collective verdict. And the inevitable Minority Reports, as appendices A to J.

― Aimless, Thursday, 5 December 2002 18:36 (twenty-three years ago)

A thousand pardons! I meant to say the duck cannot defend herself. I apologize for my gender gaffe. The poor duck has suffered enough without that.

― Aimless, Thursday, 5 December 2002 18:52 (twenty-three years ago)

For your sins I order you to listen to Nick Drake.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Thursday, 5 December 2002 23:28 (twenty-three years ago)

How do you make a duck into a soul singer?
Stick it in the microwave until its Bill Withers.

Yep, you're right, that's as deep as I get at the moment.

― Pooster (pooster), Thursday, 5 December 2002 23:45 (twenty-three years ago)

I've always wondered which duck was funnier, Daffy or Donald?

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Friday, 6 December 2002 14:49 (twenty-three years ago)

Im gonna avoid this thread altogether, infact you might say im going to du.......fuck this, im off to brag about how good Google is to the Chinese.

― Robin (RJM), Friday, 6 December 2002 15:16 (twenty-three years ago)

What’s that you say, lack of access to Googles cache of personalized Chinese sites infringes on their (the Chinese) own data protection act, oh dear, some ones in the shit-fu-yung and its not Mr.Google and his army of Googless minions.

― Robin (RJM), Friday, 6 December 2002 15:34 (twenty-three years ago)

So when are you going to introduce the duck to us? I have really been looking forward to meeting her- I have this cassoulet recipe on/in which I would value her input.

― Weebleman (StillSimon), Saturday, 7 December 2002 19:29 (twenty-three years ago)

Why not just brag about how good elgoog is to the chinese?

― webcrack (music=crack), Saturday, 7 December 2002 23:59 (twenty-three years ago)

That's all very well, but I can't help noticing that elgoog.com has not been registered. How about we chip in and all buy that name? I can set up a site that returns only results with a duck-themed-theme.

That is, if you like...

Send your pennies to Jon Stackpool, c/o The St Georges Vaults, St Georges Place, Cheltenham, GL50 3LA.

― Pooster (pooster), Sunday, 8 December 2002 03:28 (twenty-three years ago)

Does anyone remember the tune "A man's best friend is his duck" by those glorious guys, The Goodies? I say with some conviction that they were great, because I watched them recently, and their schlimblick wasn't half so bad as, say, Dr Who.

― Pooster (pooster), Sunday, 8 December 2002 03:37 (twenty-three years ago)

OK ... so it has been taken ... elgoog.com. Stop sending me money!!!!! Jeeez! You guys are so gullible!

― Pooster (pooster), Sunday, 8 December 2002 03:46 (twenty-three years ago)

The last time I was confined for public drunkeness, the constable informed me that I was found clinging to a lamp standard, singing The Grand Old Duck of York. I, sadly, have no memory of the occasion.

― Aimless, Sunday, 8 December 2002 05:58 (twenty-three years ago)

I was woken up by a copper once. I'd fallen asleep at the bottom of a lamp post in Hesters Way Lane. I'm not sure whether it was singing-induced sleep or the Newcastle brown that had done it.

An odd evening that, I walked home from a gig with a hippy called Andy , who during the course of the evening had completed a very complicated stage dive and broken his ankle. He was, however, oblivious to this due to the drugs he'd also taken.

― Dozzer, Sunday, 8 December 2002 17:27 (twenty-three years ago)

A toast is apropos, I think: To Mr Blunkett, in order that everyone may one day be allowed to perform complicated stage dives and break their ankle. I know I would.

― Pooster (pooster), Monday, 9 December 2002 00:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Yes, yes, now, ermff, let's get back to the ducks.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Monday, 9 December 2002 04:16 (twenty-three years ago)

Have you ever seen a flock of ducks flying over? Have you noticed that one side of the "V" is longer than the other? Do you know why that is?

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Monday, 9 December 2002 04:19 (twenty-three years ago)

THERE ARE MORE DUCKS ON THAT SIDE!!

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Monday, 9 December 2002 04:20 (twenty-three years ago)

THERE ARE LESS DUCKS ON THE OTHER!!

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Tuesday, 10 December 2002 13:35 (twenty-three years ago)

Just like you to take sides,

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Tuesday, 10 December 2002 15:28 (twenty-three years ago)

Maybe it's because the sights of the hunter are slightly skewed to one side. Alright, I was kidding. It's just that ducks don't have any sense of symmetry. I can't believe you didn't know that. Ask a duck!

― Pooster (pooster), Friday, 13 December 2002 00:13 (twenty-three years ago)

"Send your pennies to Jon Stackpool, c/o The St Georges Vaults, St Georges Place, Cheltenham, GL50 3LA"

Jesus wept. I used to drink in that pub, many moons ago.

Small world, eh?

― C J (C J), Monday, 16 December 2002 18:29 (twenty-three years ago)

Allow me ... I feel I have to answer this before Dozzer does. You see, you don't know this, but he controls the whole of Cheltenham, including GCHQ, so time is of the essence. He's a bit like Billy, the spazzy kid in Radio KAOS: he hears radio waves in his head ... and then he goes one better and just CONTROLS people. Except he's perfectly capable of walking and talking and moving around and coming down to the Vaults from time to time and buying me a pint. So, all I'd like to say is, anyone who makes it to the aforementioned Vaults gets free drinks all night from me. Apart from Dozzer. Dozzer can get his fat butt down here from time to time, now that he's my surrogate best friend and all.

But most invitedly is C J ... C J is a hero amongst heroes, for having managed to stop drinking in the George Vaults. I mean, it's a bit like a Glaswegian stopping drinking in the Sarry Heed. Kudos!

― pooster, Tuesday, 17 December 2002 00:41 (twenty-three years ago)

I take it I'm going down the vaults then. BTW It's my fillings that pick up Radio 4 ...

I'll see you there when I've made Santa Clause cock his deliveries up , and levelled off a few duck filled V-shapes, just to confuse scientists.

Doz.

Whaty's wrong with the Ryeworth anyhow?

― Dozzer, Tuesday, 17 December 2002 08:43 (twenty-three years ago)

This is too weird for words. I worked at the Ryeworth one summer, back in the mid 80s before leaving Cheltenham for heady Uni life. So if anyone out there remembers a slightly giggly blonde barmaid, we may have met before.

And my Dad used to control GCHQ, btw. Well, Oakley anyway. And the rugby club.

I think I had better have a lie down now.

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 10:42 (twenty-three years ago)

with whom?

― Weebleman (StillSimon), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 21:47 (twenty-three years ago)

a duck, hopefully

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 18 December 2002 23:06 (twenty-three years ago)

After having conducted severe and imaginative inquisitions vis-à-vis the aforementioned public houses: were you the one with the tiger tattoo, or the jellyfish tattoo?

― Pooster (pooster), Thursday, 19 December 2002 00:15 (twenty-three years ago)

BTW, the Vaults has a very giggly brunette at the moment ... very well liked by all, but, you know ... not up to your standard. I certainly don't think her dad ever controlled Oakley.

CJ, frankly, I am all yours. I have no shame, this is true. Just reply to me before flippin' Dozzer bounds into the arena again like blasted Evil Otto.

― Pooster (pooster), Thursday, 19 December 2002 00:27 (twenty-three years ago)

I was the one with an all-over body tattoo of myself, only taller.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 19 December 2002 07:12 (twenty-three years ago)

Brunette ?? Giggley ???

I'm working on my wind control now ....

This beers cloudy.

OH yeah , just to stick with the subject... Duck

― doozer, Thursday, 19 December 2002 18:08 (twenty-three years ago)

wind control is an excellent skill to possess

― C J (C J), Thursday, 19 December 2002 18:29 (twenty-three years ago)

Unfortunately, ducks do not have it. That's why the weakest ones always end up on the straggly side of the V-shape.

― Pooster (pooster), Friday, 20 December 2002 00:49 (twenty-three years ago)

surely they would be the jet propelled ones?

― Weebleman (StillSimon), Friday, 20 December 2002 22:50 (twenty-three years ago)

three years pass...

ducks: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Konrad_Lorenz

― kingfish prætor (kingfish 2.0), Wednesday, 13 September 2006 22:37 (nineteen years ago)

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