Bodyswap / Bodyhorror

Really horrible? Really, really horrible?
Join the church.

Ouch. But the person could "relapse" without much incident the next day. Facial tattoos are extreme but extremely funny. Ditto the antics that can be had with superglue and "I'm a Jolly Paedophile!" Chest Stickers (probably availiable from Decca Records the way things are going these days).

Take possession of Yassar Arafat and get circumcised. Have a yarmulke tatooed on the newly exposed head.

Occupy George Bush's brain. Fly to Baghdad on Air Force One and give Saddam a blow job with CNN and BBC filming.

Shoot a cop. Always a good way to start the day in someone elses body. Snipe from a distance so you've got more chance of getting the rest of the day without any pigbother.

Propose to a workmate. A random workmate.

Get Sacked. March into the bosses office. If in possession of a man - whip out knob and say you are resigning due to Colonel Rumpus being unhappy with the way he isn't allowed out for banjo practice. If in possession of a woman do similar with breasts, but paint a face on your chest so the nipples look like a pair of scary eyes. Then yodel until taken away by security. Suggested lyrics - "Look at these, look at these, for God's sake won't you look at these, look at these etc . . ".

Spend all the money you can find. Borrow of your host bodys friends. Spend it all on quickly depreciating tat, such as wigs, swedes or pipecleaners.

Phone parents. Do homosexual confession. Keep it brief, make it graphic.

Attempt to hack the Pentagon in the crudest ways possible, such as phoning them up, giving them your full name and offering to pay the person at the other end of the line over a million dollars for a password.

A trip to the barbers! Shave it, dye it, fry it. Just make it asymetrical.

About three hours before reverting to your former body eat something dangerously past it's sell-by date. Then arrange a fight with a local hardman (ensure that it's to take place shortly after your victim becomes themselves again).

Defecate into gift wrap boxes and deliver them to all the person's friends and family, with a little note saying "just a small gift from me, to express my true feelings towards you"

If using a man's body and he is uncircumsized, book self in for emergency snippage

If man is circumsized, book self in for emergency sex change.

If female, have head shaved and dyed purple. Replace all clothes in the closet with those adorned with much zippage and t-shirts with swear words all over them.

Invade the individual's home and move all the furniture 3 inches to the left, just to mess with their heads.

Hide all condoms, birth control pills and anything of import.

Write notes to self in individual's handwriting, convince person that they have become schizophrenic.

Write a new will and make your real self the main beneficiary.

Legally commit individual to six month's voluntary work at a shelter for alcoholic clowns.

All of a sudden this isn't funny anymore.
I've been reflecting on my own life.......
The failed marriages, the missing funds, the wrecked cars, the "funny looks", the memory lapses......
OH GOD! I'VE BEEN BRAIN FUCKED!

that, sir, is the entire reason for the two day delay currently in force. if we let them live their lives in real time, there'd be possibilities for any number of abuses. needless to say, we slack off on the editing from time to time, but in the main, the system seems to work well. it's really more a manpower issue than anything else at this point.