Is it a bird?

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In this age of space drinks, electronic pies and cognotrons the bloated, spoiled populace of the "west" tires quickly of new trends and fads. Take war for example, in the early '90s people were impressed by cruise missiles, smart bombs, stealth bombers and psychic dragons they laughed gleefully as our techno might destroyed all in its path. But no longer, recent advances in movie CGI featured in such films as Spiderman and The Two Towers have left people jaded about the level of "whizz-bang" in the current war against terrorism (tm). Sure AC130 Gunships and Predator Drones will keep us amused for a little while but they can't possibly live up to Attack of the Clones.

The answer is obvious to any fool, we need superheroes and super villains.

We at the Ormskirk Blissium rehab center have come up with a few to get you started.

Name: Manthrax
Catchphrase: "I'll be Bacillus"
Genesis: Dropped into a vat of anthrax stored in an Iraqi atomic weapons plant as baby the mutated WMD altered Mantrax's DNA resulting in incredible superpowers.

Name: The Human Shield
Catchphrase: "Take one for the team"
Genesis: Years of studying the Koran have granted The Human Shield, immense psychic powers which he can use to make other people throw themselves infront of cruise missiles and tank shells.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Monday, 27 January 2003 12:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Name: The Death Tourist
Catchphrase: "The wheels on my chair go bang, bang, bang"
Genesis: He ate a dodgy pie. The Euthanasia wannabee is para-dropped into a war zone where he/she proceeds to approach the enemy at great velocity in an attempt to detonate a large package of explosives at rendezvous.

― Robin (RJM), Monday, 27 January 2003 14:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Name: Man of Letters
Catchphrase: "The pen is mightier than the pencil"
Genesis: Whilst undertaking a 3 year hiatus in Rome after publishing his second novel, Peter A. Thackerton had sex with a radioactive diary. He soon discovered he had acquired the abitily to shoot pens out of his eyes at over 100mph and rolled up Times' correspondance out of his nipples at over twice that speed. A member of Q.U.I.N.K.

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Monday, 27 January 2003 14:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Name : Middleman
Catchphrase : "Lets Network!"
Genesis : Right place, right time. More of a co-ordinator than anything, his specialities are arranging superhero battles and providing heros with neccesary accessories (webslings, tights etc).

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Monday, 27 January 2003 17:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Sovietizer
Catchphrase: Za nashu sovetskuyu rodinu
Objective: Eliminate the Middleman

― Js, Monday, 27 January 2003 18:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Name: Doktor Hysteria
Catchphrase: “Whoo, yay, yeah, too much”
Powers: Makes others perform futile actions of inconceivable stupidity while screaming continuously for three and a half hours
Genesis: Used to be children’s television presenter

Name: Bicuspid
Catchphrase: “Ker-RUNCHH!!!”
Powers: Biting, etc.
Genesis: Mysteriously appeared after milk tooth fell out

Name: Intellectu-oid
Catchphrase: “I’m afraid that doesn’t follow”
Powers: Performs feats of reasoning and data-recall which dazzle and frighten ordinary mortals
Genesis: Attended grammar school in 1950s

― Rex (Rex), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 01:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Lynskey, we all know webslings can be hired cheaply from Ezee Tool hire of Ormskirk.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 13:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Name: Captain Subtle

Catchphrase: "You won't even see what I'm doing"

Powers: No-one's entirely sure

Genesis: Along with sidekick Kid Unobtrusive Captain Subtle first came to prominence, no, no he didn't...

― Matt (Matt), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 16:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Name: Mr. Newbie

Catchphrase: Please please don't ban me oh dark one

Powers: Geekyness in ungodly extremes

Genisis: Born the last son of Ted and Agnes Newbie, Mr Newbie always showed up uninvited at parties. After making five references to the movie 'Back to the Future' his fate as an outsider was sealed and he quickly became an underground muffler technician. He now lives in Toronto with a dead guppie named Steve.

― Cliff Reddham (Cliff), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 17:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Name : Doctor Doctor
Catchphrase : "Can't you see I'm burning, burning"
Genesis : No, the Thompson Twins

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 15:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Name: Mister Mister
Catchphrase: Take these broken wings
Arch-nemesis: The bloke who keeps breaking his wngs

― Matt (Matt), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 16:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Wings

― Matt (Matt), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 16:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Name: Super Archer.

Costume: A grey cape with little arrows on it at present.

Special powers: Whenever he opens his mouth, searing 12 foot flames shoot from his pants. At the same time, his nose grows to enormous proportions, allowing it to be used as a deadly weapon.

Catchphrase: I'm a real superhero I am - ooops, sorry about your paintwork.... and your eye. Look, I'll pay for any damage, really. Whoops. Sorry again. Pardon my pants.

Genesis: Public school and Cambridge. WHOOOOOF! Arrrrrgh!

― Pete Andrews, Wednesday, 29 January 2003 17:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Name : Tasmin Archer

Catchphrase : Don't blame it on the moonless night

Powers : Can harness several sleeping sattelites in the earths atmosphere which she can make rain down lasers onto the ground below.

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Wednesday, 29 January 2003 17:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Name: Tanita Tikaram
Catchphrase: You're just a twist in my sobriety
Special power: can get drunk purely by having mutually destructive love affairs which she can bang on and on about for years afterwards.

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 30 January 2003 20:44 (twenty-two years ago)

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