Belated schoolboy sniggering.

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

I notice that the name of the ancient English and Danish monarch, King Canute, is now being spelled more phonetically correctly as 'Cnut'.
Now this latter spelling has obvious hilarious anagrammatic possibilities for any schoolboy.
Of course, back when I was at school, the accepted spelling was 'Canute', and I can't help feeling a slight twinge of regret and deprivation at being denied the sniggerworthy possibilities of the name 'Cnut' to alleviate the seemingly unending boredom of double history every week.

What strange thoughts or memories of schooldays have wandered into your minds lately?

― Pete Andrews, Thursday, 30 January 2003 11:08 (twenty-three years ago)

That everyone there was a cunt.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Thursday, 30 January 2003 11:10 (twenty-three years ago)

*sniggers*

― Robin (RJM), Thursday, 30 January 2003 11:21 (twenty-three years ago)

You said cunt!

― Robin (RJM), Thursday, 30 January 2003 11:21 (twenty-three years ago)

Perhaps Queen Anne's reign could be made slightly more interesting by changing the spelling of her name to Queen Fcukfrathawsbotham.

― Pete Andrews, Thursday, 30 January 2003 12:25 (twenty-three years ago)

Or Queen Cunt.

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 30 January 2003 18:42 (twenty-three years ago)

*sniggers*

― Robin (RJM), Friday, 31 January 2003 10:00 (twenty-three years ago)

That's your answer to everything.

― Matt (Matt), Friday, 31 January 2003 10:05 (twenty-three years ago)

"Thats your answer to everthing" is your answer to everthing.

― Robin (RJM), Friday, 31 January 2003 13:17 (twenty-three years ago)

"'that's your answer to everything' is your answer to everything" is your answer for everything.

― Matt (Matt), Friday, 31 January 2003 13:30 (twenty-three years ago)

Except it isn't.

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Friday, 31 January 2003 13:50 (twenty-three years ago)

Thats your answer to everything.

― Robin (RJM), Friday, 31 January 2003 13:58 (twenty-three years ago)

A long long time ago when I was in school, nearly all my classmates approached me one by one asked my what TNT stood for, I didn't get the joke back then and I don't get it now

― JS, Friday, 31 January 2003 19:20 (twenty-three years ago)

That'th Not Thurprithing.

― Rex (Rex), Friday, 31 January 2003 20:21 (twenty-three years ago)

you mean you got the joke? if so care to explain?

― JS, Friday, 31 January 2003 20:58 (twenty-three years ago)

My son, before the meaning of the joke can be revealed to you, you must undergo a long and painful process of purification. You must forswear food, drink, clothing, habitation and language; you must become as one with the jackals, hyenas and other desert beasts; you must search the skies through the chill watches of the night; you must...

Oh, sod this for a lark. No, I didn't get the joke, I was just being silly. Yes, silly! On Ask A Drunk, too! How ashamed I feel!

― Rex (Rex), Saturday, 1 February 2003 17:52 (twenty-three years ago)

I seem to remember this from school as well being a geek trinitrotolulene was my answer.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Sunday, 2 February 2003 15:58 (twenty-three years ago)

I tried nitrotoluene once. Gave me a headache.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Sunday, 2 February 2003 17:12 (twenty-three years ago)

You cunt!

― Robin (RJM), Monday, 3 February 2003 09:21 (twenty-three years ago)

I remember my headmaster's dreary philosophy lessons, in which he was wont to pronounce the surname of Immanuel Kant with an inappropriately long "a", like "can't". Students of German like myself took great delight in pointing out that a German "a" is pronounced more like the vowel in "but"....., thus scuppering the old bastard's attempts to snigger-proof himself.

― Bollard (Bollard), Monday, 3 February 2003 12:16 (twenty-three years ago)

We convinced our history teacher that Queen of England Catherine Parr was actually pronounced, Cunt!

― Robin (RJM), Monday, 3 February 2003 12:56 (twenty-three years ago)

I love Scuppering myself, is he not considered the greatest British writer ever? Next to Kipling ofcourse.

― JS, Monday, 3 February 2003 13:58 (twenty-three years ago)

The late 16th Century poet Kipling Ofcourse is a much neglected figure in British writing. His collection "Blasphemy of a Dying Man" is still technically banned under a ruling by Queen Victoria, although copies do circulate. The book recently courted controversy when it was introduced on the syllabus at Oxford University, to the protest of some rectors and a few nasty little scabs.

Who can forget such beautiful verse as

Fuck! Fuck this!
For fucks sake! My leg!
Fuck!
It hurts it fucking hurts!
Chop it off! For fucks sake chop it off!

A clear precursor of most modern poetry.

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Monday, 3 February 2003 16:42 (twenty-three years ago)

Do I like Kipling? Why, I don’t know, dear boy, I’ve never kippled before.

― No One (SiggyBaby), Monday, 3 February 2003 18:51 (twenty-three years ago)

Ofcourse was heavily influenced by a preceding crop of late Victorian poets, the so-called "Southwark set" who's poems were notable for their circular and pensive meditations on a single subject, notably "Duke" Byron's "Ode on a Galician lake"

The clap!
The fucking clap!
That bitch has given me the clap!
God my cock hurts
Right, sod this
for a game of soldiers
I'm going the pub

Another notable was Byron's close crony "Bisto" Shelley. he differed from his contempories in that rather judging "the object" he introduced a greater sweep of poetic context, most successfully in his epic lines on the Napoleonic wars "This cockpit of Mars" the haunting concluding lines of which:

A raven stirs with lazy wing
and circles o'er the enfeebled
I havve contracted a rot of the knob
and blame that dirty bitch Maisie Scoggins

have teased generations of scholars with their blank opacity, and cunning use of litotes.

The baton has been picked up most successfully in recent years by the New York poets of the 1950's, the so-called "Tilting group" which emerged from the wild hedonism of the Bowery district. Unique amongst these was Slittin McKittery , a notoriously unstable young man from somewhere that wasn't New York. Many have argued that it was indeed his parochial upbringing which allowed him to condense, indeed define the American Dream with his career making verses on the McCarthy witchhunts.

Black knee
I have
black knee from mud
mud mud mud
I hear sound
it is me
I stuck my dick in a man
and now my cock hurts
it is AMERICA'S PAIN

Truly we will not see their like again.

― Matt (Matt), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 00:14 (twenty-three years ago)

Re: 'Kipling Ofcourse'.
I think Lynsky made that up.
My search engine finds no Kipling Ofcourse.
I did find "Kipling Offcourse",a 17th century cartographer with a twisted sense of wit who created lavish multicolor maps he sold to unwitting sea-captians who were drawn to the detailed, large breasted mermaids frolicing around the perimeter. The maps, it seems, were totally bogus and one of the reasons why England second-placed with those yahoo colonists. Many of the ships carrying reenforcements got lost because of a sick joke. It also explains why natives in remote places sometimes have names like "Hulawaka Forsythe".
Years later, when the joke came to be fully appreciated, people would call anyone who lost their way "offcourse".

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 01:01 (twenty-three years ago)

I did not make that up. Support your local wormhole.

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 02:17 (twenty-three years ago)

That's your answer to everything.

― Zen Clown (Zen Clown), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 05:47 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh god....not you aswell

― Robin (RJM), Tuesday, 4 February 2003 08:23 (twenty-three years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.