The DyingTrade in Organic Realities - Serious Thread

He can't get loose, can he? Can he? I'm locking the door. Shit, that won't help.
Wormholes. Brrr, this is all very scary.

POW CHARITY EVENT
Protect Our Wormholes

The familiar sight of delicate villages built on the extractive mining industries losing their organic wormholes to the mass corporative power of the portable iHole (available in 3D and 4D versions) sounds like the plot of Pete Postlewaite’s latest epic. It is in fact the dimension shattering truth that we face today.

Although use of an organic hole drains 5 times the amount of biological wealth from our bodies as the iHole, it does provide a cleaner transdimentional experience free from gammatrons and without the need for neuronically modified implants. It also appeals to our good-natured side.

Legal disclaimer: The benefits of organic holes over commercial transdimentional devices are yet to proved or even suspected. All benefits are pure speculation based on the inferior knowledge of the public to that of experts in the field of science. Any current thoughts on social, moral and political pressures of not wanting to ‘play god’ are purely coincidental. Worm holes however, are tested on ‘embodiments of spirit’ but generally this is conducted out of public eye. 12209432-12312

As worm travellers get smaller and lighter and the mystery as to where the holes draw their energy from gets more puzzling by the quark-o-second, it really is make or break time for the life of the organic hole as we know it. We need volunteers, nice packaging, false news story and even falser hopes before the longevity of our community holes is assured.

THE EVENT:

In an attempt to secure the holes in our future, a skill that is now echoing through society, a charity event is to be held in the home town of every organic user. To launch the start of the event NA$A has sponsored the release of 1,000,000 micro-holes into our skies.

Events to be held include “The Interplanetary Coconut Shy”, “18 Worm-Hole’s of Really Crazy Golf” and a clown…amongst others.

Everyone is welcome

Lets work as a hole, at a hole !

As the chairman of Omniapple Ltd makers of the iHole "The stylish way to another universe" I resent the accusations of "Doktor" MacKenzie -if that is your real name - links between the iHole and gammatron induced temporal disturbances such as travelling back in time, raping yourself then using the fact that you were raped as a defence in court when on trial for raping yourself are entirely without proof or sense.

The result of your futile protest, gentlemen, is a forgone conclusion.

I read the result of the opinion poll in next Wednesday's Guardian; the one that was accidentally ported through my subspace transdimensional letterbox last Thurday week, and was really meant for number 31. Bloody illiterate paperdrones - that's what you get with these 20 second accelerated learning programs.

Anyway, I digress.
The aggregated result of the poll of pre-poll polls shows that you're all wasting huge quantities of readily marketable time by even thinking about protesting.

Chill people. Why not go with the flow and relax?

Just think, 10s/6d invested in future futures in 1926 would now be worth, let's see.... "OVERFLOW ERROR".
Shit! This bloody calculator only works to 48 digits.

Hurry! Before they pass a law against 'outsider' trading.

Lynskey is his own grandfather.

The war hero or the saint?

You know very well which one. The one with the second-hand coffin shop in Ormskirk.

Ahh... the infamous second hand coffin shop, it’s on the same road as the funeral dictator and the family butcherer, its known as “The Long Hard Road to Burscough”. A favorite among underage girls with gothitus.

And, as a result, one of Robin's favourite places to "y'know, hang out"

Would you care to elaborate on the phrase “hang out”, as it is a concept that I am obviously not as experienced and familiar with as your good self, unless of course it is reference to your arse.

You want me to elaborate? Fair enough. To hang out is a colloquial phrase, loosely meant to mean to stay in one place as it is a place in which one is quite fond of staying. It can be either social or geographical: One "hangs out" with one's friends, one "hangs out" in set locations. Such as the Long Hard Road to Burscough. Where you hang out. Because of the gothitis.