thread to get over a breakup

<3

i'm not gonna presume that people want to hear the story, but if you do, i will post about it.

i always want to hear about drama tbh

i do too, i <3 trouble, it's my fatal flaw.

http://filmsnoir.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/ilovetrouble.jpg

l-r: estela, trouble

http://www.freeclassicimages.com/images/i_love_trouble_1948.jpg

my NYE story:

I told him I would help him move a load of stuff over to his new apartment, which is only about 15 blocks away from where I live, but he had to carry all the boxes, I would just drive. He doesn't drive. I sat in the car and texted a friend the entire time he was carrying boxes to and from the car.

Before I left, he asked me what my plans were. I told him I was going to a private party at some friends' house to which he hadn't been invited, even though they are mutual friends.

He said he might go to this other big warehouse party. I said I might stop by that party later. He said, "I'll see you later." I left.

After 4 glasses of wine, a big meal, and three glasses of champagne, I get home at 2:30am. He isn't there. His bed is disassembled. I had told him the week before that I thought it was fair if he paid pro-rated rent for any days in January his stuff was still in the apartment. This came as a shock to him, but he had accepted this, and had said that he would try to be out by December 31, then.

I assumed that he was not planning on sleeping at our apartment, so I put the chain on the door. I woke up at 10:30am and there was a voice mail message from him on my cell phone from approx. 4:30am. Why he didn't call the landline which has a very loud ring and would probably have woken me up, I don't know. The first sentence, "So...are you trying to tell me something?" Then he said something about not going to the big warehouse party because I had said I might stop by with the obvious intent of making me feel guilty, though the party was being thrown and performed at by mutual friends, and I had said nothing about wishing he wasn't there if I were there. There was more to the message, but those were the highlights.

i would say 'yes, i am trying to tell you something: GTFO OF MY LIFE'

ha ha ha - felt like calling back and leaving a message that was just laughter and "Whoops!" But I politely apologized and said that I thought he was sleeping at his new gf's place.

your method of combining irreproachable actions with inscrutable thought bubbles is to be commended.

you have maintained your dignity and behaved with honour and that is to be commended also. now i hope you have a very nice new life.

that's for sarahel just in case it sounds like i'm breaking up with someone and showering them with compliments while i do it.

Congrats on finally getting him out. I just gotta say though:

question for everyone: is it reasonable or unreasonable to ask that your ex's new partner with whom said ex was cheating on you not be allowed into your place to help the ex move, even if you aren't there? I've gotten conflicting opinions on this.

AND

I told him I would help him move a load of stuff over to his new apartment, which is only about 15 blocks away from where I live, but he had to carry all the boxes, I would just drive. He doesn't drive.

Did he not have friends? Couldn't rent a Uhaul? It is either SAD or COLD that he had to rely on his ex-girlfriend or new girlfriend to help him move. Sorry Sarah. I'm just astonished by this guy. What a fucktard.

I have to say, the door chain incident is an awesome touch, unintentional though it may be.

lol sarahel i am so glad this guy is GONE from yr life - i dunno, if i had done the shitty thing he had done, i'd be feeling pretty shitty about myself and would be walking on eggshells around you, not acting like a self-centred prick like he is!!

what i think is funniest is that you are being outwardly v calm and collected and adult, while he seems to be ~trying~ to create emotional drama. maybe he is upset that you didn't kick up more of a fuss about the breakup!

thanks guys - yeah, i think a lot of the tension has been that he wants to be angry and resentful, but he isn't a total asshole and realizes that those feelings are totally unjustified, so he just feels shittier.

xxp - he did get a friend to help with the heavy stuff - this was after I suggested to him that he should rely on people other than those he is/was screwing, especially considering one of his complaints in the relationship was that he wanted more independence and so much of what he did involved me, not that he ever said anything about this being a problem while we were together.

i've always found it ridiculous when people's only friends are current or former sex partners -- this may/may not be related to what's being discussed. drnkkkkkkkkkkkkk

it is related. he has other friends. he has trouble asking people for help, even when he is fucking them. Uh, not to be confused with while he's fucking them.

his communication skills in bed are comparable to his communication skills outside of bed - the problem with this, is, when having sex you have just one common goal - outside of bed, it could be anything. not sober, btw.

lol

hahah

i've always found it ridiculous when people's only friends are current or former sex partners

quoted for truth

I hate when a partner forgets that she has a) friends b) ambition c) talent. But I've come to terms with this, realizing that maybe, biologically, there are gals who "clear their plate" when getting into something serious because their body is getting ready to take care of a baby 24/7.

I know what you're saying, but... no

um lol

uh wow

i'm gonna use that as an excuse for everything from now on though

are we allowed to be unsupportive on the getting over a breakup thread? because um. 'biologically'.

wait as in they're literally getting ready to take care of a baby or the entrance into a serious relationship triggers similar instincts, in your opinion?

i think he is saying entering a srs relationship puts them into 'nesting mode' or something but uh...

yeah 'biological' is uh.jpg, but i dunno, some people do that. not just people, some relationships invite that or happen that way, healthy or not

did he kick her out of the nest just as she was building it? I'm still confused.

some people don't have ambition, talent, or friends but it's not because their body is preparing for a baby

I must admit I have never heard this "clearing plate" theory.

neither had I! which is funny, cos "girls who dump their friends cos they've got a boyfriend" is observational-comedy common, so you'd expect scientistic explanations.

Nesting is all I mean. It's my way of saying to myself, maybe there's some reason other than codependency that they're giving up all of these things.

this isn't thread to get over a not-breakup

is this someone you're thinking about breaking up with? Broke up with?

I was just responding to "people who don't have any friends except the people sleep/have-slept with" and offering barroom science.

i don't know any people like that, i don't think.

Because they don't have any friends, sarah.

oh right! But maybe they post on ilx?

XD

i was specifically referring to a man, iirc

Hi guys, longtime reader, first time caller.

sorry : (

i've been spending the last few months trying not to breakup

I fell off the ex-sex wagon this week.

The next night she promptly got wasted and texted me talking some minor shit and reminded me why I dumped her lol.

as in you had it, or you stopped having it?

Had it.

Don't beat yourself up over it. Just don't do it again if it made you feel really horrible.