thread to get over a breakup

lol sarahel i am so glad this guy is GONE from yr life - i dunno, if i had done the shitty thing he had done, i'd be feeling pretty shitty about myself and would be walking on eggshells around you, not acting like a self-centred prick like he is!!

what i think is funniest is that you are being outwardly v calm and collected and adult, while he seems to be ~trying~ to create emotional drama. maybe he is upset that you didn't kick up more of a fuss about the breakup!

thanks guys - yeah, i think a lot of the tension has been that he wants to be angry and resentful, but he isn't a total asshole and realizes that those feelings are totally unjustified, so he just feels shittier.

xxp - he did get a friend to help with the heavy stuff - this was after I suggested to him that he should rely on people other than those he is/was screwing, especially considering one of his complaints in the relationship was that he wanted more independence and so much of what he did involved me, not that he ever said anything about this being a problem while we were together.

i've always found it ridiculous when people's only friends are current or former sex partners -- this may/may not be related to what's being discussed. drnkkkkkkkkkkkkk

it is related. he has other friends. he has trouble asking people for help, even when he is fucking them. Uh, not to be confused with while he's fucking them.

his communication skills in bed are comparable to his communication skills outside of bed - the problem with this, is, when having sex you have just one common goal - outside of bed, it could be anything. not sober, btw.

lol

hahah

i've always found it ridiculous when people's only friends are current or former sex partners

quoted for truth

I hate when a partner forgets that she has a) friends b) ambition c) talent. But I've come to terms with this, realizing that maybe, biologically, there are gals who "clear their plate" when getting into something serious because their body is getting ready to take care of a baby 24/7.

I know what you're saying, but... no

um lol

uh wow

i'm gonna use that as an excuse for everything from now on though

are we allowed to be unsupportive on the getting over a breakup thread? because um. 'biologically'.

wait as in they're literally getting ready to take care of a baby or the entrance into a serious relationship triggers similar instincts, in your opinion?

i think he is saying entering a srs relationship puts them into 'nesting mode' or something but uh...

yeah 'biological' is uh.jpg, but i dunno, some people do that. not just people, some relationships invite that or happen that way, healthy or not

did he kick her out of the nest just as she was building it? I'm still confused.

some people don't have ambition, talent, or friends but it's not because their body is preparing for a baby

I must admit I have never heard this "clearing plate" theory.

neither had I! which is funny, cos "girls who dump their friends cos they've got a boyfriend" is observational-comedy common, so you'd expect scientistic explanations.

Nesting is all I mean. It's my way of saying to myself, maybe there's some reason other than codependency that they're giving up all of these things.

this isn't thread to get over a not-breakup

is this someone you're thinking about breaking up with? Broke up with?

I was just responding to "people who don't have any friends except the people sleep/have-slept with" and offering barroom science.

i don't know any people like that, i don't think.

Because they don't have any friends, sarah.

oh right! But maybe they post on ilx?

XD

i was specifically referring to a man, iirc

Hi guys, longtime reader, first time caller.

sorry : (

i've been spending the last few months trying not to breakup

I fell off the ex-sex wagon this week.

The next night she promptly got wasted and texted me talking some minor shit and reminded me why I dumped her lol.

as in you had it, or you stopped having it?

Had it.

Don't beat yourself up over it. Just don't do it again if it made you feel really horrible.

Oh, no, no guilt or horror. Our sex life was always great, I just didn't like her that much outside of the bedroom at the end. I told her up front that even in the event we continue sexing while we're both single, that's all it would ever be.

do it again until it makes you feel horrible

given that her entire family was with her i think yr tactics are not indefensible. also, it's fun to have a little self-made adventure now and then.

Unless she's going to start screaming at you in the middle of the restaurant, seems pretty unnecessary. (by pretty, I mean completely)

shouldn't judge a hoos imho. these situations are like panic stations all around.

A+++++++ post :D

geez sorry hoos

:-(

damn homie

sorry hoos

Man, I would think doing anything other than acknowledging she was there would give her power, hoos! I really just ignore or give a polite nod to my ex's presence/friends/family if they're near me. I mean, unless you're in a situation that directly requires you to force a positive/negative interaction, then... they're just other people who happen to be in your vicinity.

OTOH, my ex was in some online poll my friends told me about after a week after it started and let me know they'd been voting against her for a couple days. We had some jokes about fixing it, then I went on with my life. Really, I think other people worry about that shit more than I do, although I appreciate it.

Oh yeah, update:

My friends let me know the chick I broke up with in epic burnout fashion last year is still unemployed, lives in her overpriced condo, and has now adopted a dog in addition to her two cats! She also was doing some random traveling for a bit. I am guessing either her overly kind parents are doing some serious bankrolling. Glad it's not me.

hi hoos' exes!