thread to get over a breakup

thx guys. the alcohol is wearing off and I've emoted most of it out tonight. I think after a sleep it'll be a non-issue tomorrow.

i want to hear more about these psychic abilities

also, i got to say i don t regret any break up. eventually you realize its the best thing that could have happened to you.

i lurk too. last weekend my first long term girlfriend came in from new york. we hadn't seen each other for over five years but the ease of affection and laughter was as imbued in the past as the it was in the present. we slept together. that morning, the police knocked on my door. the girl i dated and lived with subsequently, and who i had had a terrible break-up with, had her laptop stolen. she told the robbery cops that 'i wouldn't let her get her thesis done' and by way of a leap of logic, i had obviously stolen the computer to this end.

so, even if you get over breakups, they might come to haunt you in particular ways.

um parts a and b of that story don't appear to have any connection other than a woolly temporal one

helluva story

lj, the two don't know each other and i obviously only speak to the former. but it was like the ghosts of ex-girlfriends past. just a particular moment in time when nearly a decade of my life showed up simultaneously in different ways. i was a little stressed out last saturday afternoon.

plus, you can't steal a thesis, it's an intangible.

unless they're writing it on papyrus and you hide the scrolls in your backpack

it is interesting that the two strands would come together like that, simultaneously, but i wouldn't put anything down to cosmic agency. was it quite clear that your reluming of the flame was nothing more than a slight, slight return? the ideal twist here would be if your ex-ex was the one who stole the laptop. and only you know this. but you have fallen in love with her again.

agreed. but, as much as i like literature, even coming close to living it makes me pine for ativan or something.

when i was speaking with my friend that afternoon and he asked how i was, i said 'not good. but give me 72 hours, i'll have turned it into an anecdote.'

an anecdote offered to the unwashed mashes of ILX

masses iirc

and lo!

btw, was it quite clear that your reluming of the flame was nothing more than a slight, slight return?

unless we are all potatoes

i wish to live vicariously through your heartshock

or swedes

sour mash

it wasn't slight (that being a generally unacceptable adjective with regard to matters of love past, present or future) and to say it was comforting (ease of laughter) would be downplaying as well. i can say this: i've priced flights to new york.

hi unwashed masses. i've known y'all silently for a while now.

i can say this: i've priced flights to new york.

<3

glad to have baited this out of you. please keep us informed!

surely.

now i'm wondering quite how many unknown people are au fait with my manifold idiocies :/

:D

i was thinking about that the other day. oh ilx, how many lurkers haunt your corridors

iirc there are more people currently lurking on ilx than all who have ever posted from day one combined

many of us (i assume) wouldn't mind a presence. but introductions can go badly and i'm not about to jump on one of the WDYLL threads.

i guess i'll get off breakup thread and go revive greetings, all.

imo random threads you have an interest in is as good a way as any- the greetings thread can be awkward enough really. always makes me think of rick moranis talking to the whole room at once at his own party in ghostbusters for some reason

Second weekend in a row that my (now ex) bf has been away, with his new flame. Still cannot get my head or heart around how quickly this all happened when things had been pretty normal, happy, future plans afoot etc etc. If he'd just broken up with me for the "I dont want to settle down" reason he initially claimed, that would be one thing. It had come up before, and he is a lot younger than me.

But for himto jump ship right into the arms of another girl within days... and still be living in my house the rest of the time... words are failing me, questions are piling up. I honestly thought R was The One. I wanted to marry him :(

Fuck.

Still living in your house???

For practical reasons, mainly. I have someone lined up to move in but financially it needs to wait a bit. Also, he's actually the gall to say its easier to stay here... some fluff about us remaining friends - which I would like - but it seems to be a convenience more than anything. Everyone's telling me he's a little cheaty arsehole and it hurts to even contemplate this about someone Ive known for so long.

(I mean, I know he's a flirty flighty person, and he didnt cheat on me, but .. yeah ugh)

It's easier to stay there, is it??
There's nothing wrong with remaining friends (and the finance part can't be helped) but can't see his logic that staying right now at just this moment will make it easier.

Easier for him - he doesnt have to suffer finding somewhere to live when he has nowhere to go and not enough money! Stuff that though. It really has been hard.

Sucks. :/

kick that asshole out imo

Logic agrees. Hard to think of kicking yr bff #1 to the kerb tho :(

it really doesn't seem like he's treating you the way a bff should treat someone, though, tbh

imho the whole 'do what you need to do for you' positioning is a) never certain and b) never going to be.

if you can make it through this now, and still care about someone who you clearly do... well, i think that's better, no?

yeah trayce - it sucks but at this point he is not your bff by any means

another thing to keep in mind is, still being attached to someone who might not be as attached to you can, in certain circumstances, be really, really painful, because they might do things that really hurt you and not be too worried about it, but you won't want to drop them because you're still attached to them. kind of puts them in a position of having a lot of power over you, which is never good, imo. sometimes you do have to just take care of yourself. not saying that's necessarily anyone's case here, but it's something to think about.

again, not necessarily anyone's case here, but: when any close relationship--romantic or otherwise--starts to enter a prolonged period of someone feeling like the other person doesn't really value them or treat them well anymore, unless talking through the major issues works solves them, it's probably time to evaluate whether staying in that relationship is worth it. everyone should feel supported, listened to, and cared for in any close relationship, really.

unless talking through the major issues works solves them

Yeah, all very true :/

Oh, Trayce, what a meltdown. My best pal let her ex keep living with her for four months after they broke up. It sounded really lonely & painful. This was six years ago, but still sometimes she'll mention how she would have felt a lot better, about life and herself, if she'd have said, "Just move in with the new chick, or figure something out, but get out of here." She's her and you're you and I'm not trying to tell you "Trayce, do X bcz I, internets person, know what is best for you." But if you've been entertaining those thoughts, don't ignore them. Also, ****hugs****

I feared this eventuality for a long time. It just blows that it came to pass. Starting all over again and thinking of trusting *anyone* is so hard.

Bla bla whine. Sorry.

Pretty sure this situation more than entitles you a bit of bla bla whine. and this is really the thread for it. mega sorry trayce.

an anecdote offered to the unwashed mashes of ILX

Board description!

Hey thanks to you all btw - this is an incredibly difficult thing for me and it means a lot that youse guys have some kind words and good advices.

<3 trayce, you'll get through this, take care of yourself and don't worry if you fuck up a bit here and there, there's no perfect way to do anything.

the less worthy part of me can't help thinking he would be a bit less attractive to his new girl if he suddenly had all sort of boring logistical problems.

I keep wondering similar. Its like.. if I was in her shoes, wtf? I stole someone's guy, well thats a great way to hook up with someone innit?

if he has financial troubles, it's the new gf's problem - not yours. he should be shacking up with her if he can't afford something else. why does he want to drag this out for you? you both want to remain friends, but imo this is the sure way to ensure you ~won't~... resentment's gonna start building and it'll eventually destroy any last bit of good will that remains.

Or if it's unfeasible for him to stay with the girl, can he stay with friends? Even if it had to be a different sofa each week - surely worth it to take the burden off you?

ksh speaks many truths above.

the less worthy part of me can't help thinking he would be a bit less attractive to his new girl if he suddenly had all sort of boring logistical problems.

perfect point made perfectly. but it would also be a lot easier on you for the time being, and if he can't understand or doesn't care why that's important, then.... y'know?