thread to get over a breakup

I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times I've been told off that wasn't just a power trip, bullying, or someone unloading their bad moods onto me. If I've been behaving badly, I'd rather be talked calmly to like an adult, not lectured to like a child.

^^^^^^^^^^^^

Yeah, but you want to be talked to that way because you want constructive feedback, and you see this as a growth opportunity

some of gbx's friends are adults that just need to be told to knock that shit off

it depends. i've punched friends of mine, and i've had nice long, calm talks with people (friends and lovers) who are just fucking everything up.

i mean, i punched this dude i was sleeping with because he made such a condescending statement that i just did it. he had a black eye, forgave me the next day. but still.

That's strange. I've never had to commit assault and battery on anyone that I know. I'd be calling the cops first thing if someone did that to me. But I seem to live in a different world than a lot of people here.

the only reason I would punch someone is if they had just punched me.

the tune is space, you seem to be suffering the painful confusion that follows dealings with the personality disordered, with whom there no honest conversation you could have that would not be turned against you, no action you could take that would not be used against you, no resolution for you. every further dealing with someone like this will only make things worse for you. the only thing you can do is write him off and not blame yourself for getting involved in the first place. people like this are often good at disguising their disorderedness. then they strike.

is there like a blinders_from_eyes.gif and can i post it 20 times in response to ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

thanks estela, I've been feeling really relieved that I didn't explode and cause some hardcore scene, and your advice kind of chimes with that choice- I've got to stop thinking that there is still some "us" that needs renovation or fixing up. it's too late and I have to just walk away.

the *psychic surgery* part where I somehow detach and stop caring inside is trickier, but I think that bringing irl encounters to an absolute halt is step one. I don't want to sit around wishing someone else ill, it's not healthy for me and it's irrelevant and limited/limiting anyway. if (however unlikely) someday he turns out okay, that's better for the world at large anyway.

i mean, i punched this dude i was sleeping with because he made such a condescending statement that i just did it. he had a black eye, forgave me the next day. but still.

― a no-fault dick to suck. (the table is the table), Thursday, December 23, 2010 12:30 AM (15 hours ago) Bookmark

i've been punched in the face twice in my adult life, both times for saying something stupid and offensive. and both times by women (that i was not sleeping with). who are also twin sisters.

That's strange. I've never had to commit assault and battery on anyone that I know. I'd be calling the cops first thing if someone did that to me. But I seem to live in a different world than a lot of people here.

― Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Thursday, December 23, 2010 10:20 AM (5 hours ago) Bookmark

yeah but what if you deserved it? when i got decked by my friends (they're two of my closest, dearest friends) it was because i was being a total asshole. i sustained no damage. would i have preferred that they speak to me calmly and rationally about my behavior? well yeah, cuz then i wouldn't have gotten a punch in the face. but did it occur to me to call the cops?? wtf.

The only time I can think of that I'd deserve a punching is if I was beating the snot out of someone. I probably wouldn't call the cops on a friend for hitting me unless I was in serious danger. I'd settle for cutting off all ties with that person. I would call the cops on a relative, though.

If your relatives aren't friends, sure.

If they abuse me, they aren't my friend.

idk imo abuse is a pattern and a punch in the face is a punch in the face

am i saying 'stick around after your man hits you in the face cause it only counts if he does it twice' no i am not

i'm just saying

I get you there, hoos

it's not an unforgiveable for all time offence, but in the short term i think i'd try to kill anyone that punched me in the face, i think. hasn't happened since early teens i think tho.

idk imo abuse is a pattern and a punch in the face is a punch in the face

― aka the pope (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Friday, December 24, 2010 3:18 PM (42 minutes ago) Bookmark

this, basically. while i understand that violence is unacceptable and all, the punches i received were the equivalent of getting slapped "how rude!" kinda ish. except that my friends are tuff chicks who can throw a punch. immediately after it was like "yeah i guess i earned that, huh," not "your violence was totally unacceptable. never speak to me again, best friend i've ever had."

tuff chicks that think they can throw a punch and it not be a big deal can fuck right off tho

and to be clear, i am speaking personally and about a specific situation that i think y'all are ignoring. this could not under any reasonable circumstances be considered "abusive."

continue talking about my friends that way dmac and i'll show you who can throw a punch >:(

tuff chicks that think they can throw a punch and it not be a big deal can fuck right off tho

― all i gotta do is akh nachivly (darraghmac), Friday, December 24, 2010 4:04 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark

honestly dont know if yr kidding, but would you feel the same way if a petite chick slapped you in the face for being a cad?

not trolling here, am genuinely interested: would you be ok with (you or a male friend) punching a female friend if she said something totally offensive/out of line?

nope, never. which is why i've got a problem with someone assuming and taking advantage of that

or are you asking gbx?

gbx, i was also talking bout the general and not the specific btw, i mean power to the lot of ye if the odd box is a thing for ye imo

would you feel the same way if a petite chick slapped you in the face for being a cad?

well i'm sure it would never arise, but no, i'm talking full on punch type stuff to be specific

no. i am not okay with face punching at all, as a general rule. my main point was that i've been punched in the face twice, it didn't hurt, and my friends each time had a right to be angry, so i shrugged it off. and i think that under the circumstances, that's totally reasonable---cutting off contact, getting wildly angry, calling the cops, etc., would have been grossly disproportionate to the offense. and i think it's a little strange that anyone would a) think that that means that i am advocating/okay with violence and b) assume that all instances of friend-on-friend violence is this totally unacceptable thing that we should have hard and fast rules about. obv ppl from different backgrounds/circumstances will have different feelings on the matter of violence/abuse, but getting decked for saying something boorish just doesn't register to me as something worth getting upset about. we were laughing about it fifteen minutes later, we laugh about it now.

tl;dr: you had to be there

how did this even come up again? tabes punched a dude or something?

i am broadly agreeing with you with not breaking friendships, calling cops, etc, i think- but i'd have a hard time not losing it in the moment

ps i say plenty boorish shit, but i dunno, maybe i'm just naturally fuckin charmin in person or somethin

oh i was angry for a split second like "wtf was that for? you can't jsut punch ppl!" but then we both cooled down and agreed that the whole situation was ridiculous, bff

anyway the funniest thing to me has always been that it was twin sisters on two separate occasions

not trolling here, am genuinely interested: would you be ok with (you or a male friend) punching a female friend if she said something totally offensive/out of line?

I know someone who has this as her stance, with her being the punched one. What with gender equality, the relative OK-ness of a one-off punch being a not-insane thing in some circumstances, etc.

I was taken aback, but it's one of those "it'd have to be a fucking awful offense to compensate for the physical disparity" things. Thinking about it, it still seems very, very wrong. Frankly, ever resorting to violence seems really wrong.

had a girl kick my fkn ass once, tho tbf she was a green belt in kyokushinkai karate. we are, indeed, bff so there you are. and we were like 14.

Thread to get over a punchup

the friend/lover i punched is a notorious sociopath. he's the sort of guy who once snuck up behind me with cocaine-covered hands and rubbed that shit in my eyes.

haven't seen or talked to him in more than a year, tbh.

the friend/lover i punched is a notorious sociopath. he's the sort of guy who once snuck up behind me with cocaine-covered hands and rubbed that shit in my eyes.

This changes things quite a bit--violence toward someone who has been violent toward you is quite forgivable.

Debating just how much of a disaster one night of (probably drunk) ex-sex would be. On a 1-10 scale it might be an 8. Might also be worth it.

if y'all both single then get to it imo

I've done ex-sex. generally rule is, do it long after you became exes to ensure any buried feelings are just that, very buried or nonexistent.

having sex with an ex weeks afterward=mistake I'll never make again.

btw is it weird for my ex to show up in my dreams? and by this, I don't mean my most recent ex, I mean the one before this one.

I wasn't barely thinking about her at all, especially when I was dating new girl, and now she invades my subconscious every other night.

nah it's not weird. or if it is, i'm gonna need to get advice on why my teacher from when i was 6 makes regular appearances.

xp - not weird at all, esp. if you were together for a significant period of time

significant for me, not significant for most, so I guess that counts.

it's partially my most recent ex's fault for planting some of it in my brain

in ur case she'll make an inception

nah it's not weird. or if it is, i'm gonna need to get advice on why my teacher from when i was 6 makes regular appearances.

It would be even weirder if your teacher was your ex.

you got all the detail you need already