thread to get over a breakup

the whole 'breaking up properly' thing discussed upthread is very otm and can't be said enough. last year after we broke up the second time (for good), she wanted to stay uber-best friends and close and I was still too hurt to let go. we were only really together nine months, but I was very much in love w/ her.

the not properly breaking up led us to fighting and arguing a few months later, and now we're still 'friends', but barely talk. but does she leave my mind? no.

well she did for about 3 months actually. even before I started dating the new girl, I'd made peace. but I guess new girl breaking up with me somehow managed to open the old wound, perhaps by her 'suggesting' it to me. i dunno.

It's not horrible now, I'm not waking up weeping or anything, I just more think of her now and then, sigh, and then hope for a nice one night stand to distract me.

it's like that Brian McKnight song "Anytime" if it were a year later and Brian was like "ehh it's aiiight but it's only aiiight"

so, i'm trying to play it cool, and we've hung out in the past couple days for brief periods, but i'm starting to think that maybe my friend's advice to 'get mad' is right.

so, i shot this solo scene with this company. i was like, 'you should do it too' and he was like 'yeah, i'll do it, then maybe we can do a scene together some time.'

and today i found out he's doing a scene. with the same lover he did a scene with for a different company a few days ago. and i am fucking pissed.

i understand that it's a professional thing, and it is, but he's like, 'the only reason i get these things is because i know people.' and all i wanted to say was 'well i know you, can you help me?' but also 'you're a lying scumbag.'

It may have been out of his hands--the director and/or producer may have vetoed a scene between you two for some reason or another. Or it may not have. He still had no reason to act that way towards you after you found out about it.

xp - devil's advocate here - him doing a scene with the new dude does not negate the statement '...then maybe we can do a scene together some time.' Like "some time" does not equal "next available opportunity"

:/

you have to apply for this particular site, and if you apply as a duo/couple, you have to apply jointly. thus, while he was paying lip service to me about doing a scene with me sometime, he was simultaneously applying with this person. essentially, he was lying about his intentions.

This isn't about a break up exactly, but I'm currently in a position where someone is way more into me than I am her. That hasn't happened to me a lot, and I'm not sure how to deal with it w/o sounding like an asshole (of course, any time I'm slightly less than nice, I feel like I'm being an asshole).

it's a sucky situation...ultimately though you can't force yourself to feel things that aren't there, it's beyond your control. unfortunately that fact rarely translates into feeling ok about it.

It took me two years to fall in love with my husband. I liked him and enjoyed his company, and I knew more would happen later, but for a while he was very, very much more into me than I was into him.

Yeah, it was all cool until about a week before xmas when I could tell she was starting to get ideas. I told her last night that she was starting to advance this to a place where I'm never going to be able to join her (as nicely as possible...not cold and clinical like I just did here), and now she's embarrassed/butthurt/resentful. I told her we just shouldn't talk for a few days and then see what happens.

sometimes I think there's no guilt worse than seeing the glimmer in your partner's eyes and knowing you're not quite there with them. I think my first real relationship was like that.

but as Christine says above, you never know what will happen later. hang tough!

johnny, i think you did the right thing. it's natural that she's going to be embarrassed for a while, but i think eventually she'll realize that you showed a lot of respect for her in letting her down now instead of letting her continue to think it was going somewhere and getting more attached.

^^^

yeah, i think long term you'll feel much better about it

so i kind of agreed to yield the cat when she (not the cat) was settled in a place of her own

but i don't want to

oh man that sux

:( hang in there J. Yer a good bloke, this stuff is so hard eh? <3

before you hand the cat over take it over to the new place in the dead of night and teach it how to find its way home using a memorable route dotted with cat treats.

he's an only cat and we've both been all like is he getting enough attention? and i think i do a pretty good job, but maybe not as good as she would.

he annoys me sometimes and i worry if i'm stimulating him enough. but shit he is so fucking cute and i love him

:( cats rule hugz bro

Could this be your time for a dog? Sounds like you each have love to give and there are lotsa animals that would gladly let you love them. Dog, cat, what have ye.

yeah i kind of think oh well i could just get another cat. (sorry ll, rudy is cute as hell, but not my type i guess.) but then it seems like there's no way that cat could be as cool as lyle.

(he is my first pet ever if you couldn't tell)

La Lechera OTM

Aww, your first pet? You could try another pet. I've had some dogs in my time, and they were all special for some reason even when they were horrible peemonsters or w/e. Rudy may not be yr type but she's mine, so who cares ;)

:( mookie, my dog is my first ever pet and i would be distraught if i had to hand him over.

lyle is such a great cat name.

and rudy is such a great dog name.

if i was a pet custody judge the pets would always go to the ilxors.

Pets seem like a super difficult part of this breakup mess, and I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Just trying to KIP. Estela otm re: custody.

I know you've got a strong bond with this cat, but think of it as an opportunity to rescue one more of the 80 bajillion cats that are in shelters all over the country by getting a new friend.

yeah i dunno what to do. she feels the same way, but then she hasn't been here for the last two months.

he is so fucking cute. and he likes my beard.

awwwwwww

I've had a quite a few cats in my lifetime, and they've all had different personalities. But know this: if you're the only person around, they'll bond with you to some degree. Some will be super sweet, some will just be nice and civil (kind of like the one I have now). Best thing to do is ask the shelter if you can foster one you like for a couple weeks to see how it's going to work out.

before you hand the cat over take it over to the new place in the dead of night and teach it how to find its way home using a memorable route dotted with cat treats.

<3

have never heard of sharing custody of a cat btw, but maybe you could have him come back for visits?

anyway, if you do give him up, you are now A Cat Person and will be able to find new joy with another puss, even though you miss the old one

mookie, I'm sorry. You were nice to me in DC when I was posting away about a failed relationship. I thought that was upsetting but it was child's play compared to dealing with resolving something long-term.

my current ex texted me about a half hour ago. we haven't really spoke much or seen each other in the last few weeks, but we're on good terms. so she's badly hinting that she got a new job and wants to celebrate, asked what I was doing, basically trying to hint that she wants to do something.

I, of course, am not REALLY in the mood, I'm mondo relaxed and watching The Godfather atm, but I do care about her and feel bad that she has nobody to celebrate with, so I offered, and of course every idea I come up with, doesn't sound good to her.

On the other hand, I'm concerned, as one of the main reasons I haven't gone out of my way to hang with her is that I want us to have time apart, because I don't want to lead her on, and have been afraid that she'll get attached again and want to get back together (and I don't want to).

I hate feeling like a bad guy but I'm kinda just hoping she decides not to go out tonight. I feel bad but it's like, she did also text me out of the blue and kinda dump this in my lap at almost 9 pm on a Friday night, not so subtley hinting that she wants to celebrate, then shoots down any idea I politely suggest.

am I being insensitive?

u r being too sensitive

no, that's fuckin infuriating when people do the "i don't know what i want to do tonight!" but then proceed to shoot down anything you could possibly suggest. sb her.

thanks guys.

yea i mean honestly I just don't feel like GETTING UP and leaving the house tonight, really, cuz I have a lot else planned this weekend already.

if you start dating your ex she becomes your girlfriend again

themoreyouknow.gif

i ain't going to though

glad we talked you out of it!

lol grady

lol it wouldn't have been a date, it woulda been 'friendly hangout', but the precise reason I didn't want to do it is that both parties might not have understoodi t that way.

but here I sit still, so I wound up staying in. lol

sb her.

― and you are a part of everything and everything is like melting (ytth)

done.

she was shooting down your stuff because she doesn't want to get back together, she just wanted to get her smang on to celebrate and then drift off

Doin' the schadenfreude dance again, I am. Well kind of. Poor R. I feel sorry for him. Why? I'm too nice.

was he dumped because of the gig he played last week