thread to get over a breakup

totally, and thanks much for the realness. realized tonight that time apart is necessary as we'd been working on trying to be friends, which will have to wait. honestly, soso glad it's over anyway and thank god it's spring.

not that that really matters -- it sucks and it hurts, and sometimes its easier to deal with the pain by presenting yourself as the victim of someone else's wrongdoing. And because it's so painful, you sometimes feel like it deserves mourning or its own special week of grief, because it's significant, and you've devoted a lot of emotional energy to the other person and the relationship, and thus they should strictly observe your mourning period or special week of grief. But in reality, that seems as stupid as giving yourself a medal for some trivial accomplishment only you care about.

mutual. the love was def there, which is why im so confused about how shit has gone, but i have no time for a serious relationship. mostly bummed it came down to wrong time/place sorta sitch.

time heals all wounds w/ this shit. until then, take walks, drink beer with friends, put your weird energy toward creative projects.

truth. i had preconceived notions about how a good relationship is supposed to end well. right on about the selfish aspect. I must find a new world to revolve around me, surely.

dude that was succinct as shit.

never gainsay a fingerbang

giddy up.

imo actual good relationships are only good either while you're in them, or in retrospect from a long time in the future. if you just broke up, then it wasn't that great, right?

yeah, there's absolutely no other way to get past this but to continue living and finding new things that make you happy so, even while it won't help, be aware that feeling shitty is the natural outcome
like if you cut your finger while slicing lemons it's going to hurt way more than it seems like it needs to but that's not your fault and there's a limited number of options to make it feel better. Bandage, meditate, wait.

Hit something with your other hand so you don't notice the first one as much.

That's actually really good advice! My last devastating breakup was the impetus that got me into the gym for like two to three hours a day and i lost a ton of weight and got strong as I've ever been. Working out was the only thing that kept me from going fetal; like the old saying goes, it's tough to complain about heartbreak when you've just been punched in the stomach.

Yeah I mean the "hitting something else" can veer from difficult but ultimately productive activities all the way to blatantly self-destructive ones -- you have to choose your own adventure in this.

things have sort of changed in my house in the past few days, i finally got laid after two years and we've been snuggling all night for the past few nights and i've overall felt pretty good. oh and with my wife.

wtg Chris!

oh awesome

That is excellent.

That's great Chris!

yeah its been pretty great...i think the whole "he's actually leaving" thing sort of straightened us out. Hopefully it will last...or it could just be hysterical bonding.

http://virtualofficefaq.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/macys-great-american-marching-band-in-macys-thanksgiving-day-parade.jpg

now im all worried its "hysterical bonding"

There is very little information on this phenomenon, but it appears to be a primal, instinctual way for the partners to reconnect and reclaim each other. The intimacy encourages communication and a closeness that may otherwise take some time to re-build.

im gonna try to "straighten her out" again tonight ;)

I think you should let go of the second-guessing and enjoy the cuddlesex

don't look giftsex in the mouth...or something

i dont know if it was exactly a gift for her since it was like i put it in and exploded. its been a long time...what do you want from me!

i was like a teenager that got touched on the penis for the first time.

I'm sure she knew it was a, uh, gesture of gratitude

let me rephrase: what Dan said

and last night was really the first time in months that i slept like a log. I even had a dream i was going to prom.

hopefully she didnt say anything like 'and then you wonder why you have to wait a year' cos that would be bad

:D :D

\o/

nope nothing like that. trust me, i finished her off too.

"Dreamed I was going to prom" deserves to be a euphemism for something. In a good way.

But did you go as a viking?

i wasn't going to prom with her. it was weird, my mother did not approve of my date.

(Dr Freud scratches beard thoughtfully)

yeah no kidding

I dreamt that my (ex)bf changed his mind about having a baby and we had celebratory sex and it was awesome. Sadly nothing of the sort has happened.

:(

was going to say "kiu chris" until I got to

it was like i put it in and exploded.

http://server3.uploadit.org/files/slebowski-221kablooie_small.jpg

:-) Chris.

Chris's oversharing is like my 3 year old nephew telling me about the awesome dump he took in the toilet...sure it's TMI, but you're just so happy for him that you let it go :)

stoked for you, chris

I'm unfamiliar w/ the term "hysterical bonding" but may have experienced it during my last breakup

imo if you've been really disconnected for a while, ANY honest and vulnerable communication can result in reigniting intimacy

^^^^

Well done Chris. Once it's reignited, you've got a decent chance, no matter how it happened. If the implication of 'hysterical' is 'it might not last', I guess you take your chances with that and try to rebuild in other ways more slowly and steadily.

I lurk on this thread because I don't quite know where my relationship is going and it helps to remind myself that if it ends, it won't be the end of the world, I will not be the only person on earth going through it, and people (you) are very resilient in the end run.

Except me. My girl left meWAAAAHHHHH :-( and I can't WAAAHHH get over it. No matter what happens, I never again have what I lost. It was perfect. Why did I let her go? whywhywhywhywhy? She taught me everything I know about lifelovemusicfateunderstandingempathyeverythingeverything. She was gorgeous she still is wtf is wrong with my eyes? And that soft, sultry voice that purrs over each word and her silky soft touch i'll never feel again. I want her i need her her her her She's gone forever

Not feeling very resiliant.