thread to get over a breakup

all the best nv, i hope all the non-emotional stuff is as ok + straihjtforward as can be

now is the time when you should have no qualms about drinking heavily imo and iirc

Nothing wrong with not feeling like drinking. My first real mid-20s breakup left me not feeling like anything more than a beer.

NV, I like you very well and I'm sorry about this turn. I hope the road gets easier, sooner.

if there is even a remote chance of keeping the relationship going, and both parties are willing to give it a shot with an open mind, i would recommend couples therapy but not everyone does well in that milieu. good luck whatever you decide

Hey NV, really sorry to hear what's going on, must be a hugely shitty thing. If I were any closer I would totally be buying you a beer right now, but a crappy internet man-hug will have to suffice. If it's any consolation, it's good to hear that you're both communicating and trying to sort it out like adults. No matter how fucked off you might get, I hope you'll always be able to talk to each other to some extent. I'm currently witnessing the opposite approach to marriage break-up at close quarters with one of my siblings and it's a total fucking disaster. Do not let that happen :(

aye, NV, it is with you, my heart.

Good luck with keeping it civilised NV, it's tough but I can rep for the benefits (4 years post-divorce, but on good terms and that means a lot).

I'd stan for the benefits of counselling too, except that it's so hard to find the right counsellor.

All the best, anyhow. Internet-stranger hugs all the way.

Sorry to hear NV, as someone going through a divorce it gets easier. It's best if not hard to try to be as amicable as possible for the kids. My soon to be ex and I are on better terms now then we ever were married.

Right there with you guys but trying to keep too busy to be sad
it's generally working but i'm afraid i'm gonna hit a breakdown at some point

sorry to hear that forks.

i'm not so good at making myself busy, not with important stuff, so i'm just fitting micro-breakdowns in during secluded moments :)

everybody who says this will get better is right tho, and thanks.

I'm basically doing things every night and trying to date multiple women to get my head right
i'm also staying in good touch with the ex and we do stuff together regularly and talk a lot
this couldn't be going better and it's still kinda difficult sometimes

the difficulty is a testament to the good things about your last relationship, i guess. so it's a positive, albeit a sad one.

yeah, that's accurate and really worth considering

I'm basically doing things every night me too!
and trying to date multiple women to get my head right me...not. d'oh.

sorry to hear about it forks, but glad it's going relatively well for you.

well i'm _trying_ you know. dunno if i'm succeeding. i need to meet more girls. NYC ilxors should point their cute single friends my way. I am employed with a couple of very neat jobs,l no addictions or hangups, i will open the door and take your coat for you, i am reasonably funny and not too hard on the eyes. I spend a lot of time on the internet though, so there's that.
got a date to go do yoga tonight with a purty gal though. that is not a euphemism.

i'm back :(

well if its any compensation...i wasn't expecting to find another person after...i wasn't looking and bang...it happened.

...and bang

ad infinitum

thebango

i can't remember whether it was in this thread or another, but i was writing something about how people maybe have more partners than they previously would have, now, in a lifetime, & i don't know whether it's that or something else but: dealing with the mess of having broken up with someone feels so 'modern' to me, & i don't know why, because it's eternal. like incrementally becoming more aware of the sprawl of all the different strands that made up the relationship, each becoming apparent at some different point after the thing fell apart, it is so strange to have to confront it all.

so sad to think that there was a last time that so many things happened between you, but you missed it, or forgot it, because you didn't realise it was the last time as it happened.

i kinda think that side of things is almost like a schroedinger's-cat-style state change, in which things are retroactively transformed. that a certain thing you were in the middle of won't ever reach some sort of fruition can retroactively transform it into something 'failed', which it wasn't at the time. it is a crazy thing.

but yeah mainly just v sad

xpost
yeah, definitely. like the last real kiss. last time you saw their parents. last time eating out together. last party you held together. sigh

hugs

last hugs

cut it out

things

I think the modern condition is more about recognizing that break-ups and divorces aren't like an end-all and that we have more successful dynamics available to people relationship-wise than we did in the past.

That said, I have still run into people with the "omg I'm 25 and not married yet, failure!" mentality and they seem very rural

beats the shit out of the same declaration in the 2nd person tbh

bad dreams all night, that n. had betrayed me and was laughing as i got old alone. the sort of nightmares that cast a bad shadow over the day, especially when i know they're quite close to the wrong-headed surface.

i feel strong at the moment and tho i'm up and down i'm dealing pretty well but i'm scared i could fall into the deeps any time.

(hug)

nobody ever really wishes ill on the person they broke up with in a normal breakup. and everybody with something to offer finds someone. be calm and carry on.

dreams = a parody version of a real emotion. it's not the content that's upset me, it's a disguised expression of some real sadness that's chewing away

yeah, that's not gonna go away so easy. I hear you there. keeping it in perspective, as you seem to be doing, is important.

tbf i'm wittering on the internet to put off going down the pub :D

and i to the gym, so fair game.

Hugs, nv. Having the same thing with dreams tbh.

Bluurrrrfff totally a mistake to go back & have knitting TV zone background be the cutes episodes of Parks and Rec where April and Andy got married. One, I should be doing laundry and not watching Ntflx; two, ;_;
Looks like I should stick to the non-representational sounds and colors abstract show of the future from now on? Does anyone know where I can watch that?

You just have to find shows with no romanting. Like police procedurals/mysteries.

Hugs to you, Abbs <3

i wish i did.

i'm experiencing the same thing with music. suddenly, the lyrical content of vast swaths of pop music (current and older music) is somewhat relevant again.

whoops, xpost.

you could just pull a z s and get so drunk that all you can see are non-representational sounds and colors. it seems to work pretty well in suppressing painful memories, but i'm also told it might not be a good long-term strategy?

I haven't really been sad about my most recent break up, but the one before that I watched a lot of Pawn Stars and American Pickers. Also, I ate a lot of oatmeal and toast. And smoked a lot of cigarettes. Pick and choose these as you see fit.

I think a couple of months of being drunk every other night is ok once you get sick of spontaneously crying in public

One winter when I was sad about someone, I watched:

* The director's cuts of all the LOTR movies plus all the DVD extras and "Making of" segments.
* The director's cuts of all the Alien movies and all the "making of"s.
* Every season of The Wire and all the extras.
* Every British gangster movie I could find.

...and a bunch of other assorted stuff, none of which had themes of romance in any way. You can do it!

it's amazing how sneaky heart-wrecking moments can get shoehorned in to more or less anything. except British gangster flicks probly :)