thread to get over a breakup

i dreamt that you and i still lived together and you had invited your mom and grandparents to stay with us without telling me

you were passive aggressive as usual

so glad you are more-or-less out of my life!

We were supposed to be back together
and going to Barcelona next month to celebrate
I sent you a link to a nice little rental
You didn't answer
That was Saturday
you git

I pity the fool who has to flop around like a fish on land ALL NIGHT.

this is a very apt description of me! anyone know how I can train myself out of it? srs.

this is on-topic because it may lead to my next breakup, or something

also, Zora :(

yeah Z that rlly sucks

Is this Goblin Boy? Dude is seriously just not worth your time any more. This is a recurrent theme with him, the whole "can't make time for simplest of relationship things" thing. Curb, kick. Douche.

x2 on last few posts. Also yes, as much as I like beds and bedding, let's not drift off-topic. This may well be the most important thread on all of ILX....

so to sum up

the best way to get over a breakup is to spend an inordinate amount of time talking about personal peccadilloes and annoyances online, preferably ilx

can't think of a better way atm

not to be mean, VG, but you on this thread is like when Helena Bonham Carter's character in Fight Club insists on going to the testicular cancer support group.

awesome thanks

jesus christ

don't say 'not to be mean', just say what you want to say because it inevitably feels mean and now I'm embarrassed thanks

Yeah WCC this is GB. Luckily I have too much other crap going on to waste time angsting about the enormous pile of fail that is our relationship, I actually only just realised how much time has passed since I sent the link. So... over in my heart, at last? Perhaps.

I am a non-tucker, feet-out, flip like a fish type person. I'm probably hell to share with, but I love spooning, so I will happily inflict my hot flipping self on bed-partners.

lots of people post in this thread who aren't in the midst of a break-up

no need to single out vg and be an asshole about it

sorry - she/you just kept posting about sleeping habits after everyone else stopped, it felt kinda compulsive - i dunno.

i sleep with lots of blankets when it's cold, not so many when it's hot

i don't have a breakup to get over

Matt P - you are one of my favorite posters

i can still get 'boys are jerks' drinks some time fyi

I think the non-broken hearted can be here to support the breaker-uppers, it seems fine to me, not that I even know which camp I fall into, mind.

you are one of mine too! we should get boys are jerks drinks some time xp

I think the non-broken hearted can be here to support the breaker-uppers, it seems fine to me, not that I even know which camp I fall into, mind.

well of course, it's just the long chit-chatty mundane personal habits derail that bugged me

dead horse whatever but: I was doing it as a joke bcs gr8080 was annoyed.
my sense of "humor" is deeply rooted in "5 year old banging on pots" territory so I get how it might not seem funny to anyone but me. I didn't think I was alone in doing it, but whatever.

I don't have a breakup compulsion, or a sheet compulsion. I really hate that movie though, fyi :)

I didn't think I was alone in doing it, but whatever.

no - indeed not - and for that you have my deepest apologies

no worries!

"and...scene"

*posts about a breakup*

;_;

Balls, sorry to hear that.

man, even after about 9 months after the breakup, and after several months with someone new that i really like, every so often a memory will hit me out of nowhere and it's so painful to think about. thankfully these surprise moments of agony are getting fewer and farther between, but they never really go away, do they?

no

but they become less frequent, and less intense over time

dude, 9 months is still pretty soon - esp. considering you were with your ex for what, 6 years?

in that respect i don't think 9 months is a very long time. like it isn't even 9 months, it's almost only 9 months. the way you get close to someone is preverbal & animalistic, & them not being close anymore is such a big change. & parting is just the saddest thing. so that's there. but you end up somewhere different & it's a different time, the sad time is past. still sad but maybe easier to 'consult' without trauma.

+ drake.jpg

i don't think i wanna post itt much but should just flag up that iirc sarahell posted something here once to the effect of "3-6 months is the hardest part" & this was super, savingly comforting to me - not even in the specifics, but just in contradicting the idea that one should have an incrementally, narratively easier time after a breakup

so thank you man

i think it's comforting to think that hard stuff now, or i guess maybe just right now in general, will literally always fade with time, you can basically count on it..

imagine getting over your wisdom teeth operation in 20-30 minutes, you're at 25 minutes right now which isn't so bad

next time your heart aches go get your wisdom teeth taken out, will give you some perspective

wise man once said the best cure for a heartbreak is a punch inna face

hey z s

u cool

ZS ime they do go away but it takes a bunch of years...maybe 3-5? i think it correlates with life changing over time and you eventually get to the point where your life is so diff you cant even imagine how that person could fit into it. After that its mostly good, nostalgic type memories and the bad memories dont hurt at all.

part of the problem is that after a while i forget the bad things and only remember the good things, and then i think maybe we shouldn't have broken up.

if i were otherwise growing as a person perhaps it would be different, but in fact i am shrinking (figuratively)

trying to remember the smallscale everyday texture of old relationships is difficult

oh, thanks for the kind advice everyone. i didn't mean to make things seem worse than they are. i'm ok. and i still remember the bad things along with the good. i'm better off now, and so is she.

You saved me from a feeling of total non-existence, and I finally realised I was capable of feeling actual love towards a specific person. I guess these things will stand me in good stead sometime down the line but right now this is the worst I've ever felt ;_;

:-/ i'm sorry. did it just happen?

No, it's been about 6 weeks now. I seem to be in a horrible weekly cycle of feeling kinda down-but-sorta-alright, then having some sort of moment of realisation of the awfulness of the situation and sinking into a trough of despond and then being kinda-ok again. The size of the troughs seems to be getting bigger with time, which I don't like. I guess at some point they'll start to recede again.

I guess one helpful thing is just to know that it's normal to have the troughs, and it's normal to feel like you're finally emerging out of the terribleness, only to have it slam you down again, twice as hard. It's probably not too nice to hear "you will be sad about this again! and again! and then again!", but for me it was helpful because I needed to know that I wasn't a total failure for not being able to get over it and move on more quickly. Staying active helps, too (not that I follow my own advice on that).

Thanks Z S

Actually just off to meet up with her now. I think we need to clear the air a bit; I've been stewing in my own paranoia for too long, dwelling on things that probably never existed.