thread to get over a breakup

it's never easy for anyone, first time or 10th time. keep advising yourself in that calm way, and that will help -- don't squash those instincts, tease them out and be your own counsel. those instincts are natural, but the best thing you can do is *not* act on them, at least for a little while. you were together for some time, there's a lot of, I dunno, muscle memory? going on.

One of my friends just broke up with her boyfriend of nearly two years and said something about coping with breakups that may sting, but will be helpful in the long run: "I’m not saying this to sound weirdly braggy, but I’m usually pretty okay at the end of relationships, as far as freaking out goes. I mean, I’ll freak out, but I’ll do it alone, at home, and I’ll keep the phone at bay — and not because I necessarily have some superhuman willpower, but I just put myself in the other person’s shoes and really think about being on the receiving end of unwanted affection, and I don’t want to be the person someone out there is cringing about. Ugh. So I usually faithfully stick to that important no-contact phase."

I think knowing they have good ppl around them looking out for them makes a big difference, because it can be really heartbreaking. as long as yr not completely obsessing or freaking out over something specific I think it's good to give each other lots of space for at least a few months while you gradually readjust. meet ups where two devastated ppl try to put on brave faces to protect each other are the saddest thing in the world imo

-you have a t-shirt with borat on it that said "sexytimes"
-you are 41 but more emotionally stunted than most people i've dated in their 20s
-you once took me to a "show" that was at least 50% spoken word poetry and also had an interpretive dance performance + you also like tom waits a lot = you are probably one year away from growing a soul patch and wearing fedoras, tops. i dodged a bullet here.
-you have no spine and adopted a cat you didn't want just because your ex was pressuring you to take him, and you whined to me about it a bunch and did it anyway.
-the sex was not nearly as good for me as it was for you. every time you said something like "whoa, people are not supposed to have sex that good" i secretly thought "ho hum".

I just realized, thanks to this thread, that I've finally successfully purged my ex from my mind. It only took roughly the same amount of time we were together, but it's done. Now it just remains to be seen how long it'll take to repair all of the damage I underwent as a result of that breakup.

Good bullet dodging there!

-the sex was not nearly as good for me as it was for you. every time you said something like "whoa, people are not supposed to have sex that good" i secretly thought "ho hum".

poor guy, but also poor YOU.

he deserves this meanness (even though he will never see it), trust me.

I'm sure he does. I just meant "poor guy" in the sense that he's probably going around thinking he's good at sex when, really, he maybe isn't.

Eh, better than the other way around.

i'm now feeling that that is a petty low blow (though not undeserved) and replace it with:
-you had a bottle of marilyn manson's brand of absinth, "mansithe" in your cupboard, and it was nearly empty.

I take it back. Fuck that guy.

after what we've heard, not likely!

(sorry, he sounds like an absolute weenie, good riddance for real)

"mansinthe"!

oh my god, mansinthe.

xpost

looool i just tried to go to the mansinthe website and the google insterstitial threw up a malware warning

the weird thing was that he was SO PROUD of that bottle and showed it to me like 4 different times!! did he expect me to be impressed? no clue!

http://data.whicdn.com/images/10778565/Mansinthe_by_buildanewgod_thumb.png

o_@

I'm sure absinthe is delightful and all, but most of the people I've met who are wild about it are people I'd never want to spend more than five minutes with.

manson also recently wrote a fanfic version of johnathan franzen's novel the corrections

The Manrections

wow, he's a real rennaissance manson

It's funny how, from a certain angle, a laundry list of complaints about an ex can look like the ridiculously OTT traits of someone you would never in a million years consider dating. Ohhhhh, the things we tolerate.

i think posting all this stuff effectively got me over my breakup in record time.

I would just like to say something to you that someone said to me that was otm and it is: Girl, send that plate of shit back to the kitchen.

I'm sure absinthe is delightful and all, but most of the people I've met who are wild about it are people I'd never want to spend more than five minutes with.

― Johnny Fever, Tuesday, September 4, 2012 9:37 PM (57 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

;_;

Are you wild about it, though? Because I've talked to you a fair amount and every other conversation isn't dotted with "this one time we had absinthe and..." or "I bought some absinthe so we could...". I'm mostly talking about people who live for the stuff or would, like, buy a Marilyn Manson brand called "Mansinthe".

Holy crap b_g, that guy sounds like a complete tosser, I'm so sorry.

Mansinthe holy shit

I mean I am trying to have breakup empathy but wtff I just leanred thre is MANSINTHE

My god it has been seven months and it is seriously not getting any better. Still in total disbelief that I let it fall apart.

It feels like I committed some awful crime while I was asleep, now someone keeps telling me what I did and I just keep thinking "What? NO. I could never let that happen."

I dwelled on a particular breakup with varying degrees of intensity and through subsequent relationships for four years. You're still in good shape, imo.

^^^ it happens sometimes and it sucks

^

went outside to get lunch and was walking behind a 40-something couple. while waiting for a light, the woman put her hand on the man's lower back and gave it a little pat/rub/caress for a few seconds. it was no big thing, maybe even kind of absent-minded.

i really miss that a lot.

So it'll have been a month this week and we are getting dinner on Friday and I feel like this is an okayish idea

My school of thought is that if they weren't a bastard, you respected them and vice versa, you always had plenty to talk about, *and* it seems an okayish idea in general, then go for it. Just be ready for possible searing pain the day after. The idea is that the next-day pain reduces with each meet-up. Last time I broke up with someone I had to leave it 3 months before meeting was an 'okayish idea', though.

I'm heading toward my one year "anniversary", and I'm still not even close to the point where I could have dinner and it would be normal. I mean, I could do it, but the hours afterward and the day after, the pain would be overwhelming.

i still miss you and even when you joke on facebook about having a crush on some random minor celebrity it still stings :(

(hug)

just learned that i am legally single again

'awesome'

That sucks dude, but it should be the last thing that sucks in that (legal) manner, right?

:(

Life, it's so full of shit. :/

I hope all sad folks in here get both joyful and contented moments, and that they increase all the time.

I'm starting to feel like I've learned how to be single. The bed doesn't feel too big any more. People holding hands in the street doesn't hurt.

thoughts to you, mookie.

thank u l