thread to get over a breakup

I mean I am trying to have breakup empathy but wtff I just leanred thre is MANSINTHE

My god it has been seven months and it is seriously not getting any better. Still in total disbelief that I let it fall apart.

It feels like I committed some awful crime while I was asleep, now someone keeps telling me what I did and I just keep thinking "What? NO. I could never let that happen."

I dwelled on a particular breakup with varying degrees of intensity and through subsequent relationships for four years. You're still in good shape, imo.

^^^ it happens sometimes and it sucks

^

went outside to get lunch and was walking behind a 40-something couple. while waiting for a light, the woman put her hand on the man's lower back and gave it a little pat/rub/caress for a few seconds. it was no big thing, maybe even kind of absent-minded.

i really miss that a lot.

So it'll have been a month this week and we are getting dinner on Friday and I feel like this is an okayish idea

My school of thought is that if they weren't a bastard, you respected them and vice versa, you always had plenty to talk about, *and* it seems an okayish idea in general, then go for it. Just be ready for possible searing pain the day after. The idea is that the next-day pain reduces with each meet-up. Last time I broke up with someone I had to leave it 3 months before meeting was an 'okayish idea', though.

I'm heading toward my one year "anniversary", and I'm still not even close to the point where I could have dinner and it would be normal. I mean, I could do it, but the hours afterward and the day after, the pain would be overwhelming.

i still miss you and even when you joke on facebook about having a crush on some random minor celebrity it still stings :(

(hug)

just learned that i am legally single again

'awesome'

That sucks dude, but it should be the last thing that sucks in that (legal) manner, right?

:(

Life, it's so full of shit. :/

I hope all sad folks in here get both joyful and contented moments, and that they increase all the time.

I'm starting to feel like I've learned how to be single. The bed doesn't feel too big any more. People holding hands in the street doesn't hurt.

thoughts to you, mookie.

thank u l

same here, love u man

(hugs) <3

I just broke up with gf and I feel awful. In summary, we'd been dating for 6 years, living together for 3 and never (ok very, very rarely) fought. We got along perfectly EXCEPT I've been having a CRUSHING anxiety when it comes to marriage and having babies. She's been incredibly patient and understanding (perhaps too much). But no matter what I do (counselling, talking to friends) the feeling doesn't go away. I convinced myself that a "break" is the only thing that might work (she's less convinced). It all happened yesterday. We are both miserable :(

sounds like you will get back together and have some babies?

daavid I'm sorry, that sounds rough.

Is being a wife and mother more important to her life plan than you? Is she resenting you for it, if not outwardly, then under the surface? Six years is a long time, and it sounds like you love each other a lot, so I hope something good comes from a break.

i'm really sorry daavid. i was in a similar situation. eventually things get better. hang in there.

Thank you all for your encouragement and support! I think I made the right (or at least the honest) decision. I've had some good long chats with friends and family and that has certainly helped. Will probably update on the situation at some point.

in the last 16 months i don't think my head's moved on at all :/

on the other hand, maybe me recognising this is the first step? i feel so fucking dense, lately. ha, lately.

Isnt it only lately that you've started to deal with yknow other stuff tho? Thats gonna bring other things back into focus

yeah don't be too hard on yeself nv

Someone told me once that things that mess you up--addictions, abuse situations, trauma--stop a person's maturation and personal growth and uh moor them right where they are? So when the person comes back from the addiction or trauma, they have to back up and start from that place again. You could probably make a case for saying that you COULDN'T move on until other steps happened.

i'm ok, not doing anything stupid, but i realised this last week or so i really haven't let go at all. still got that stupid "what if?" going on in the back of my head that i need to stop doing cos otherwise i'll just sit here with my wheels spinning in the mud.

so i was more wistful noting this than beating myself up, and i hope that noticing it is a good sign. and yeah, i know i'm still thawing out of drunky mode. just have an over-developed sense of time rushing by me i think.

apologies to those of you who know her, but i'll be posting some pretty vitriolic shit on this thread later on today.

shout out to anyone going through this kind of shit right now. it's been a long long while for me, but it's terrible. hang out with us on ilx though and we'll party

it's been a long long while for me, but it's terrible.

by this i meant, i haven't had to go through this in years, but it wasn't fun when i did

'tell me about yr fun breakups' would be a short thread, imo

id have a few posts on it tbh

:\ clay

pullin for u man.

thanks dude. this isn't like the worst breakup ever or anything. Just my first in a really long time, with someone I never really should have been with in the first place, and what're you gonna do but live and learn I guess.

also I am too old for this shit but turns out you're never too old for this shit.

had dinner recently with someone i broke up with almost 6 years ago and i think i might finally be over it? wasn't so sure even a month or two ago.

i think sometimes you never really "get over" the experience of the relationship, or losing the relationship, even if you get over/are no longer interested in the person you had it with.

^^^excellent insight.

yeah. i think there are relationships that you never really want to get over, too. heal, obviously, but not forget and not lose some measure of pain to remind yourself that it mattered, a lot.

exactly.

that would require some on point pain delegation.

it just kinda happens naturally

man the thing where at first you think you'll be 100% fine whatever movin' on up and then reality slowly reveals itself as a newly barren wastseland. where's the fast-forward button.

OTM

yeah, I'm never getting over this breakup it turns out.