thread to get over a breakup

Someone told me once that things that mess you up--addictions, abuse situations, trauma--stop a person's maturation and personal growth and uh moor them right where they are? So when the person comes back from the addiction or trauma, they have to back up and start from that place again. You could probably make a case for saying that you COULDN'T move on until other steps happened.

i'm ok, not doing anything stupid, but i realised this last week or so i really haven't let go at all. still got that stupid "what if?" going on in the back of my head that i need to stop doing cos otherwise i'll just sit here with my wheels spinning in the mud.

so i was more wistful noting this than beating myself up, and i hope that noticing it is a good sign. and yeah, i know i'm still thawing out of drunky mode. just have an over-developed sense of time rushing by me i think.

apologies to those of you who know her, but i'll be posting some pretty vitriolic shit on this thread later on today.

shout out to anyone going through this kind of shit right now. it's been a long long while for me, but it's terrible. hang out with us on ilx though and we'll party

it's been a long long while for me, but it's terrible.

by this i meant, i haven't had to go through this in years, but it wasn't fun when i did

'tell me about yr fun breakups' would be a short thread, imo

id have a few posts on it tbh

:\ clay

pullin for u man.

thanks dude. this isn't like the worst breakup ever or anything. Just my first in a really long time, with someone I never really should have been with in the first place, and what're you gonna do but live and learn I guess.

also I am too old for this shit but turns out you're never too old for this shit.

had dinner recently with someone i broke up with almost 6 years ago and i think i might finally be over it? wasn't so sure even a month or two ago.

i think sometimes you never really "get over" the experience of the relationship, or losing the relationship, even if you get over/are no longer interested in the person you had it with.

^^^excellent insight.

yeah. i think there are relationships that you never really want to get over, too. heal, obviously, but not forget and not lose some measure of pain to remind yourself that it mattered, a lot.

exactly.

that would require some on point pain delegation.

it just kinda happens naturally

man the thing where at first you think you'll be 100% fine whatever movin' on up and then reality slowly reveals itself as a newly barren wastseland. where's the fast-forward button.

OTM

yeah, I'm never getting over this breakup it turns out.

it takes way longer than you want it to

You'll surprise yourself someday, but not today and not this week. Go easy.

Oh no Clay I am sorry :-(

Ha well I just wrote about a thousand words finally laying it all out on this thread because I've got to be emo somewhere and pressed the wrong button on zing and it disappeared. Guess I'll give it another shot tomorrow.

half-drunk shoutouts to dayo and stevie (the latter of whom who slept in her old apartment for a few days ffs) for the positive vibes in this, probably the actual worst time in my life since idk I guess highschool sucked.

I realized a couple days ago that six years isn't a breakup, it's a divorce.

close enough alright

cheers clay; you're a good dude. get that post up here, follow through and release, feel better afterwards

when my ex went on trips without me, she would sometimes leave little love notes hidden in various places that i'd be likely to find while she was gone

i just found one in the back of my sock drawer that's several years old : /

:(

Ooof.

damn man. hugs.

I still find shit like that every once in a while and know exactly how it feels. It sucks :-(

that happened to me once about a year after a breakup:

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x18/gr8080/note.jpg

:(

Jeez.

A little over two years out and just found out about the requisite 'marrying the dude I got ditched for'. I feel today will be a lot of running to stand still.

Good luck with handling that, shaane. Tough deal, but it sounds like you're not going to crumble.

- eternal reminder to self to never get involved with another person who even comes close to being an alcoholic, chain-smoking, self-hating, selfish, intimacy-fearing, borderline-aspergers, unemployed punk/rock musician who loves his dog more than his girlfriend

Internet hug from belgium - you rule and I + everyone on ILX <3 <3 <3 u

Oh rrrobyn! It can take some time to be sure that the person really is those things. Generous people like you probably allow a lot of time. There's an upside to that as well as the nasty downside. But yeah, good advice to self.

/hugs rrobyn, and can I just jump this bandwagon and say

- eternal reminder to self to never get involved with another person who even comes close to being an alcoholic, chain-smoking, self-hating, selfish, intimacy-fearing, borderline-aspergers, unemployed punk/rock workaholic indie musician who loves his dogcar more than his girlfriend

That seems like a selfish post (mine). How are you doing, rrobyn? I hope you're ok, healthily bitter like rocket, not unhealthily bitter like old lettuce.

/wave ljubljana. How are you?

thanks, guys <3

not a selfish post at all, zora - it's good to know i'm not alone and that having hope in love isn't a crazy thing to possess. though i should've known... i'm not bitter really, just hurt (and feeling quite misunderstood by an irrational person). i know it's definitely good for me to not be in that relationship! i usually don't go out with people like that, at least not for that long, but i felt like there were good reasons to keep my heart way open, and so i glossed over a lot of the red flags (so many). it's complicated stuff, but whoa do i know what i really need in a relationship now (and what i really don't need) and that keeping my heart open isn't a bad thing - i just need to listen much better to what my heart/intuition tells me...

Being misunderstood is so bloody frustrating.

/hi Zora! I'm ok. I don't really know what the hell I'm doing at the moment but I'm plodding on regardless, ready to veer off if necessary. I miss you when you don't post!

basically required some heavy crying followed by superb hangouts with friends followed by dancing in my livingroom to this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3szM702Ofk

xp

(ironically, sung by an anxiety-ridden alcoholic... sigh.)

hugs rrrobyn <3

and that is an A+ dancing song given the circumstances

mm, is there anything better than dating an irrational person who chronically misunderstands you? feelin you here. good riddance to bad rubbish imo

dated this dude too many times, tbh :/ and yeah, don't beat yourself up for keeping your heart open despite the red flags. it doesn't say anything bad about you.

<3 rrrobyn

<3

god yeah i really and truly hope i don't, i mean, i am just not never going to date a dude like this again
here's an awesome kicker: last night, sad and only mildly drunk and yet also sound in the knowledge that i don't need this relationship in my life yet i'm still sentimental about it and the different kinds of love/not-love that we all go through and trying to feel through that and all these ~feelings~, i posted the mtn goats "love love love" on fb. looking through fb this morning, i see in the wee hours that he posted the mtn goats "no children." yep. (argh social media whyyy)