what kept blind-siding me yesterday, keeps blind-siding me tbh, is the things we used to do as a family and the times we shared in love with each other's company. and i had the "is this really the end?" conversation with her 18 months ago, and it's me who needs to remind myself that the situation isn't going to magically change, in fact is probably going to get more finished, at least for her, over time. and any kind of needy, wheedly, "i still miss you" line on my part is really just putting a kind of pressure and a kind of "look how sad you made me" onto her. which she does not deserve.
so when i overlook the reasons that we weren't happy any more just to make it into this "please take me back" scenario well, i'd be lying to everybody, ultimately. i may not feel ready to move on, yet, but i'll deal with that myself and keep remembering that the ship's over the horizon and all i'm sighing after is the smoke.
― ftraight from ye toppe of my Donne (Noodle Vague), Friday, 20 September 2013 06:29 (ten years ago) link
i don't think you can ever say any version of "i have feelings for you" to someone in a truly neutral way. there's always a secret appeal.
― ftraight from ye toppe of my Donne (Noodle Vague), Friday, 20 September 2013 06:30 (ten years ago) link
any kind of needy, wheedly, "i still miss you" line on my part is really just putting a kind of pressure and a kind of "look how sad you made me" onto her. which she does not deserve.
from that i think you can deduce what you need to do, and what you should (or shouldn't) say to her.
― Lee626, Friday, 20 September 2013 11:37 (ten years ago) link
i knew, i just wanted somebody to agree with me so i didn't lie to myself
― Tyskie in the giro (Noodle Vague), Friday, 20 September 2013 11:39 (ten years ago) link
<3
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 20 September 2013 13:59 (ten years ago) link
been two years since my ex-wife and i separated...for all the craziness i do still miss her sometimes. Its normal. 16 years of my life were spent with her, I'll always miss her regardless of the fact that we aren't together and never will be again. Yeah I'm happy now and in a decent relationship, but yes..its totally normal to still miss your ex.
― Cindy Mancini can ride my lawnmower anytime (thebingo), Wednesday, 2 October 2013 16:48 (ten years ago) link
didn't see the last revive so I want to wish NV all the best and also to take on board everything he says in his well-written post because I am guilty of missing and sad-making and it's not right of me
one of these things I want to do will be easier than the other: all the best, NV
― the supreme personality of Godhead : a summary study (a passing spacecadet), Wednesday, 2 October 2013 22:12 (ten years ago) link
― ftraight from ye toppe of my Donne (Noodle Vague), Friday, September 20, 2013 12:30 AM (8 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
:(
― mattresslessness, Tuesday, 17 June 2014 22:25 (ten years ago) link
i was right :(
i hope i can be somebody who gives to this thread now
god knows it took fucken long enough to get over :)
― Kevin from Blechgium (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 17 June 2014 22:36 (ten years ago) link
50% think the problems are worth separating over, but maybe 30% of the problems have seen some progress over the past few years, with much tiredness as a result. then other problems arise. how sad is it when base-line compatibility trumps affection and commitment. not sure i can ask for a second chance again and be fair to this person.
― mattresslessness, Tuesday, 17 June 2014 22:37 (ten years ago) link
aw matt
i think maybe we're all entitled to, or all need, one clear definitive "no"
and its okay to negotiate, before that "no", as long as we're honest?
but after that i couldn't ask again
― Kevin from Blechgium (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 17 June 2014 22:42 (ten years ago) link
glad you're past it nv
xp thanks
― mattresslessness, Tuesday, 17 June 2014 22:43 (ten years ago) link
i feel like i should be the one who gives the "no", that i'm the one who has had one foot in and one foot that can't help but tiptoe away, creating conflict where there shouldn't be any, arbitrary and tiresome conflict based on bad expectations and free-floating resentment. but now it's just sinking in, what i have at stake, that i have actual love at stake, what is actually out there waiting for me away from this (nothing but me). nothing definitive has been said yet, i don't think, at least not sober. it's been a few days, the pain is no longer imminent, and it feels good to be taking a break, staying at a friend's house, to be honest.
― mattresslessness, Tuesday, 17 June 2014 22:52 (ten years ago) link
and then there's this man who i miss. and care about.
― mattresslessness, Tuesday, 17 June 2014 22:54 (ten years ago) link
maybe that's the least that you need - just some space from each for a bit? although that can go both ways - you end up missing the routine of the relationship and totally forgetting all the bad stuff and get sucked back in, to your detriment, or you realize that the bad stuff truly isn't a big deal and can be worked through.
― just1n3, Tuesday, 17 June 2014 23:07 (ten years ago) link
yeah
― mattresslessness, Tuesday, 17 June 2014 23:08 (ten years ago) link
time and space = clarity. not there yet. maybe a few more weeks.
― mattresslessness, Tuesday, 17 June 2014 23:09 (ten years ago) link
<3 matt
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 17 June 2014 23:45 (ten years ago) link
thanks
― mattresslessness, Wednesday, 18 June 2014 17:50 (ten years ago) link
getting back into dating has been a failure so far. forcing yourself to wonder if you could work with someone feels too absurd after leaving someone with whom that was always obvious. "it will get easier eventually" but how soon is crucial. if life is mostly suffering punctuated by little periods of better, how am i supposed to take comfort in that? how much of an 80 year life has to be dominated by feeling like shit before it's fair to say that it wasn't a good idea in the first place?
― een, Tuesday, 24 June 2014 02:54 (ten years ago) link
forcing yourself to wonder if you could work with someone feels too absurd after leaving someone with whom that was always obvious
I know this feeling well. How long has it been since the breakup?
― JRN, Wednesday, 25 June 2014 04:13 (ten years ago) link
So I've been in the midst of trying to do a little writing about a breakup from long ago, and this afternoon I went looking through my gmail archives for something. I stumbled on the first emails that old ex and I ever exchanged, where we were talking about how to write about painful experiences, and the advice she gave me then is still good. It feels a little funny to apply it to writing about her.
So yes, tackle that story. It sounds like it will be amazing. It sounds like it might hurt. I walked around in a bad mood the entire time I was writing [a similarly painful story]. The words seep out of the pages, become moods you carry. Let it bring you down. Let it do what it needs to do to you. You'll get back up. You know that.And--do I want to do something next week? Yes, absolutely.
And--do I want to do something next week? Yes, absolutely.
― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 22 July 2014 18:05 (ten years ago) link
wow
― mattresslessness, Tuesday, 22 July 2014 18:49 (ten years ago) link
yeah kind of depth_charge.gif
― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 22 July 2014 19:34 (ten years ago) link
*thinks of all the relationships gmail has seen*
― switching letters guy, Tuesday, 22 July 2014 19:39 (ten years ago) link
i mean, *rhinks of all the telationships gmail has seen*
nice save, switching letters guy
― mattresslessness, Tuesday, 22 July 2014 19:40 (ten years ago) link
So I've been in the midst of trying to do a little writing
ugh what a terrible set of words
― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 22 July 2014 19:42 (ten years ago) link
met my ex-wife 20 years ago today
― mookieproof, Sunday, 3 August 2014 23:12 (ten years ago) link
:/
― SEEMS TO ME (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 4 August 2014 00:00 (ten years ago) link
you were always so stubbornly against seeing a therapist and now you're dating one
i wish you all the best!
― gr8080, Monday, 22 June 2015 16:57 (nine years ago) link
nice.
― how's life, Monday, 22 June 2015 17:48 (nine years ago) link
a+.
― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 23 June 2015 20:19 (nine years ago) link
you spent five years telling me you were selfish & emotionally unavailable and i kept asking you to love me.
finally figured out that you're emotionally unavailable.
i hope you find somebody that makes you happy.
― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 27 August 2015 13:32 (nine years ago) link
this hurts considerably less than i expected it to.
― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 27 August 2015 14:05 (nine years ago) link
have a hug anyway
― MC Whistler (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 27 August 2015 14:06 (nine years ago) link
i made a sandiwch, and then sobbed for half an hour, and then ate my sandwich
and now i kind of feel ok
― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 27 August 2015 14:06 (nine years ago) link
thanks nv. <3
kinda sandwich?
― deejerk reactions (darraghmac), Thursday, 27 August 2015 14:12 (nine years ago) link
i'm sorry, hoos.
but maybe you're heading toward a better place now, right?
― 1994 ball boy (Karl Malone), Thursday, 27 August 2015 14:23 (nine years ago) link
peanut butter
it was p good
xp
― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 27 August 2015 14:23 (nine years ago) link
― 1994 ball boy (Karl Malone), Thursday, August 27, 2015 2:23 PM (12 seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
yes, i absolutely am. when the conversation started last night it was on the pretty well-tread ground of "i'm done with not dealing with my drinking problem" "i want to believe you, but you've said that so many times" "i don't need you to believe me. it's just over."
and it felt really good to say that.
― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 27 August 2015 14:25 (nine years ago) link
yes!
you are heading toward the 'riding toward the sunset with a giant cowboy hat in front of majestic mountains' kind of better place
― 1994 ball boy (Karl Malone), Thursday, 27 August 2015 14:32 (nine years ago) link
yeah this gon be gud
― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 27 August 2015 16:30 (nine years ago) link
all my best hoos
― 龜, Thursday, 27 August 2015 16:39 (nine years ago) link
ugh pb
do like mountains tho, head for the mts
― deejerk reactions (darraghmac), Thursday, 27 August 2015 16:40 (nine years ago) link
"i don't need you to believe me. it's just over."
I can't think of anything more liberating to say/think/feel. GL Hoos
― Gett Off, Eileen (WilliamC), Thursday, 27 August 2015 19:01 (nine years ago) link
<3 Hoos
― Hammer Smashed Bagels, Friday, 28 August 2015 16:45 (nine years ago) link
you're far away now, two time zones west
I did it all right, but only after doing all of it (and then some) wrong, and I got no one to blame but this yours-truly fuckin asshole, 2.5 years since
I miss you more than the one who left months ago, more by far, because some shit don't happen twice, but I own it cause I deserve it
and I'm still here.
― slothroprhymes, Sunday, 30 August 2015 02:42 (nine years ago) link
hey, it's been five years
(very mel allen voice) how about that
― mookieproof, Wednesday, 2 December 2015 05:14 (eight years ago) link