time and space = clarity. not there yet. maybe a few more weeks.
― mattresslessness, Tuesday, 17 June 2014 23:09 (ten years ago) link
<3 matt
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 17 June 2014 23:45 (ten years ago) link
thanks
― mattresslessness, Wednesday, 18 June 2014 17:50 (ten years ago) link
getting back into dating has been a failure so far. forcing yourself to wonder if you could work with someone feels too absurd after leaving someone with whom that was always obvious. "it will get easier eventually" but how soon is crucial. if life is mostly suffering punctuated by little periods of better, how am i supposed to take comfort in that? how much of an 80 year life has to be dominated by feeling like shit before it's fair to say that it wasn't a good idea in the first place?
― een, Tuesday, 24 June 2014 02:54 (ten years ago) link
forcing yourself to wonder if you could work with someone feels too absurd after leaving someone with whom that was always obvious
I know this feeling well. How long has it been since the breakup?
― JRN, Wednesday, 25 June 2014 04:13 (ten years ago) link
So I've been in the midst of trying to do a little writing about a breakup from long ago, and this afternoon I went looking through my gmail archives for something. I stumbled on the first emails that old ex and I ever exchanged, where we were talking about how to write about painful experiences, and the advice she gave me then is still good. It feels a little funny to apply it to writing about her.
So yes, tackle that story. It sounds like it will be amazing. It sounds like it might hurt. I walked around in a bad mood the entire time I was writing [a similarly painful story]. The words seep out of the pages, become moods you carry. Let it bring you down. Let it do what it needs to do to you. You'll get back up. You know that.And--do I want to do something next week? Yes, absolutely.
And--do I want to do something next week? Yes, absolutely.
― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 22 July 2014 18:05 (ten years ago) link
wow
― mattresslessness, Tuesday, 22 July 2014 18:49 (ten years ago) link
yeah kind of depth_charge.gif
― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 22 July 2014 19:34 (ten years ago) link
*thinks of all the relationships gmail has seen*
― switching letters guy, Tuesday, 22 July 2014 19:39 (ten years ago) link
i mean, *rhinks of all the telationships gmail has seen*
nice save, switching letters guy
― mattresslessness, Tuesday, 22 July 2014 19:40 (ten years ago) link
So I've been in the midst of trying to do a little writing
ugh what a terrible set of words
― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 22 July 2014 19:42 (ten years ago) link
met my ex-wife 20 years ago today
― mookieproof, Sunday, 3 August 2014 23:12 (ten years ago) link
:/
― SEEMS TO ME (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 4 August 2014 00:00 (ten years ago) link
you were always so stubbornly against seeing a therapist and now you're dating one
i wish you all the best!
― gr8080, Monday, 22 June 2015 16:57 (nine years ago) link
nice.
― how's life, Monday, 22 June 2015 17:48 (nine years ago) link
a+.
― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 23 June 2015 20:19 (nine years ago) link
you spent five years telling me you were selfish & emotionally unavailable and i kept asking you to love me.
finally figured out that you're emotionally unavailable.
i hope you find somebody that makes you happy.
― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 27 August 2015 13:32 (nine years ago) link
this hurts considerably less than i expected it to.
― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 27 August 2015 14:05 (nine years ago) link
have a hug anyway
― MC Whistler (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 27 August 2015 14:06 (nine years ago) link
i made a sandiwch, and then sobbed for half an hour, and then ate my sandwich
and now i kind of feel ok
― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 27 August 2015 14:06 (nine years ago) link
thanks nv. <3
kinda sandwich?
― deejerk reactions (darraghmac), Thursday, 27 August 2015 14:12 (nine years ago) link
i'm sorry, hoos.
but maybe you're heading toward a better place now, right?
― 1994 ball boy (Karl Malone), Thursday, 27 August 2015 14:23 (nine years ago) link
peanut butter
it was p good
xp
― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 27 August 2015 14:23 (nine years ago) link
― 1994 ball boy (Karl Malone), Thursday, August 27, 2015 2:23 PM (12 seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
yes, i absolutely am. when the conversation started last night it was on the pretty well-tread ground of "i'm done with not dealing with my drinking problem" "i want to believe you, but you've said that so many times" "i don't need you to believe me. it's just over."
and it felt really good to say that.
― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 27 August 2015 14:25 (nine years ago) link
yes!
you are heading toward the 'riding toward the sunset with a giant cowboy hat in front of majestic mountains' kind of better place
― 1994 ball boy (Karl Malone), Thursday, 27 August 2015 14:32 (nine years ago) link
yeah this gon be gud
― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Thursday, 27 August 2015 16:30 (nine years ago) link
all my best hoos
― 龜, Thursday, 27 August 2015 16:39 (nine years ago) link
ugh pb
do like mountains tho, head for the mts
― deejerk reactions (darraghmac), Thursday, 27 August 2015 16:40 (nine years ago) link
"i don't need you to believe me. it's just over."
I can't think of anything more liberating to say/think/feel. GL Hoos
― Gett Off, Eileen (WilliamC), Thursday, 27 August 2015 19:01 (nine years ago) link
<3 Hoos
― Hammer Smashed Bagels, Friday, 28 August 2015 16:45 (nine years ago) link
you're far away now, two time zones west
I did it all right, but only after doing all of it (and then some) wrong, and I got no one to blame but this yours-truly fuckin asshole, 2.5 years since
I miss you more than the one who left months ago, more by far, because some shit don't happen twice, but I own it cause I deserve it
and I'm still here.
― slothroprhymes, Sunday, 30 August 2015 02:42 (nine years ago) link
hey, it's been five years
(very mel allen voice) how about that
― mookieproof, Wednesday, 2 December 2015 05:14 (eight years ago) link
i am 100% over you so why did i have a dream that was equal parts vivid and mundane last nite that involved me just hanging out with you and being given a tour of your new apartment for what seemed like hours
― gr8080, Thursday, 3 December 2015 20:02 (eight years ago) link
i sometimes have those too. somewhere in our subconscious they're still floating around, even though our waking brains thought they had been compartmentalized and forgotten.
xpost
i'm not sure if the five year anniversary is a happy one or a sad one, but i hope it's the former, or at least that it went better than the 1 year anniversary did.
― Karl Malone, Thursday, 3 December 2015 20:05 (eight years ago) link
http://brokenships.la
― mookieproof, Saturday, 13 February 2016 00:42 (eight years ago) link
you owned books by jack donovan and had terrible taste but at the end of the day you were just a total asshole.
― The times they are a changing, perhaps (map), Monday, 25 December 2017 05:59 (six years ago) link
you're 53 and you left the mormon church years ago but you're still mormon as fuck, lying to everyone who isn't a blood relative, getting upset when i use swear words, making recipes which feature cream of mushroom soup, putting mayonnaise in your guacamole.
did i mention you owned books by jack donovan? you fetishized violence but didn't know anything about it you entitled ditzy cunt.
you kicked me out with nothing on a monday night when it was 20 degrees outside because i told you i was planning on breaking up with you when i got a job. and you accused me of being the mean one. go fuck yourself forever and ever. i will never go to burning man in remembrance of you.
― The times they are a changing, perhaps (map), Monday, 25 December 2017 17:40 (six years ago) link
Okay what the actual dickens *is* going on here
― infinity (∞), Monday, 25 December 2017 18:18 (six years ago) link
Map <3
― remember the lmao (darraghmac), Monday, 25 December 2017 18:39 (six years ago) link
just googled Jack Donovan o_O there's always one more bottom feeding right wing men's rights bullshit artistsorry you're going through this but honestly anyone who would read that....
― Joan Digimon (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Monday, 25 December 2017 18:39 (six years ago) link
i doubt he even read much of it though to be fair it is completely unreadable. thanks guys. i'm in a much better place. ya'll know stevie d. he is the sweetest guy and a total saint for letting me stay with him for a bit. going back "home" across the country on friday. another start from scratch, the third in five years or so. feeling good about this one though. decent mental health, feeling more myself than ever. i know what i want from life. cheers and peace.
― The times they are a changing, perhaps (map), Monday, 25 December 2017 19:00 (six years ago) link
Best wishes matt. Stevie d is indeed the best.
― treeship 2, Monday, 25 December 2017 19:02 (six years ago) link
best wishes, map<3even though these are difficult days the recipes featuring cream of mushroom soup and the mayonnaise in the guacamole made me lol
― estela, Monday, 25 December 2017 19:20 (six years ago) link
:)
― The times they are a changing, perhaps (map), Monday, 25 December 2017 21:55 (six years ago) link
sorry yr going through this matt. good luck.
― call all destroyer, Tuesday, 26 December 2017 02:22 (six years ago) link
wishing you the best, the initial "dodged a bullet imo" in this thread seems appropriate here as well
― sleeve, Tuesday, 26 December 2017 02:27 (six years ago) link
mayo in guac is the devil, go in peace map
― Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 26 December 2017 03:52 (six years ago) link
love you vegemitegrrl
― The times they are a changing, perhaps (map), Tuesday, 26 December 2017 08:40 (six years ago) link