what's happening to our borad TMI

general question, based off of the assumption that as people get older, they fart more frequently and flagrantly. that may not be true for you. as i observe my farting developments, i notice two trends that lead to the same end. first, the involuntary incidents are popping up more than they once did. it's still relatively rare, but the emblematic "bend down to pick up a coin off the floor" fart is rising up the power rankings, as well as others of its nature. these involuntary incidents have siblings that are also growing - the decision point farts. the decision is presented to me, and where i once resisted, i now say "yes", sometimes in unforgivable contexts. where i once flatly refused, i now, sometimes, permit. where i once permitted with regret, i now simply permit without a second thought. an occasion that once resulted in what george carlin called "test farts" now lead to full-on farts. i still care about norms and adhere to them in most situations, but less so than before. and i know that in the future, i will care even less.

i've nearly had a falling out with a friend of mine over the decision fart. like in the pub one night and he just lets rip some vile fart. i mean i appreciate the body is its own master to an extent but it isn't that difficult to just go to the bathroom or whatever.

in 3 seconds it is

I hope everyone here is familiar with 1601, Mark Twain's contribution to the fart canon: http://books-to-read.com/ebooks/mark-twain/mark-twain-1601.html

In ye heat of ye talk it befel yt one did breake wind, yielding an exceding mightie and distresfull stink, whereat all did laugh full sore, and then—

Ye Queene.—Verily in mine eight and sixty yeres have I not heard the fellow to this fart. Meseemeth, by ye grete sound and clamour of it, it was male; yet ye belly it did lurk behinde shoulde now fall lean and flat against ye spine of him yt hath bene delivered of so stately and so waste a bulk, where as ye guts of them yt doe quiff-splitters bear, stand comely still and rounde. Prithee let ye author confess ye offspring. Will my Lady Alice testify?

Lady Alice.—Good your grace, an' I had room for such a thunderbust within mine ancient bowels, 'tis not in reason I coulde discharge ye same and live to thank God for yt He did choose handmaid so humble whereby to shew his power. Nay, 'tis not I yt have broughte forth this rich o'ermastering fog, this fragrant gloom, so pray you seeke ye further.

my friend likes to, in the car, let one rip, pause a second, then ask his wife and daughter 'mmm -- do you smell bread'?

my uncle, postprandial at Thanksgiving, would say "That turkey is still gobbling."

my best friend growing up's grandpa used to hand you kleenex if you farted and he'd say YEW SHIT YER PANTS!!!

my dad told me about sitting on the porch next to my great-grandfather, who, after ripping a loud fart, nonchalantly said, "eat that one and I'll crack you another!"

my uncle, postprandial at Thanksgiving, would say "That turkey is still gobbling."

― Supercreditor (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, February 22, 2017 2:24 PM (eleven minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

love this

My friend's grandmother would describe a particularly potent one as a 'letter from jobby'

Had this half a cm cyst looking thing removed from my back today that looked and smelled like cheese

OMG.

Why didn't you take a video????

Noted for entry into

Magnificent moments in time
Pvmic

lol

new favourite ilxor

Benson had what I thought was a tick but what turned out to be the worlds biggest dog blackhead on his neck last month. I accidentally popped it and then had to finish the job and it was so amazingly satisfying. He was kinda pissed off at me afterwards though.

my wife loves popping my blackheads.

it is gross.

of course it's gross but that's why it's so awesome

after hanging on for more than two months, my black toe nail came loose. it looks better now.

pics?

that would set quite a dangerous precedent for this thread. I can't really tell what's going on there now, I think it's growing back but I fully support my toe whatever it wants to do

do you have absolutely no nail at all right now???

i have a buddy who had both his big toenails removed (they grew in weird and would always get infected and stuff), they never grew back. his feet are real hard to look at

this prompted me to go ask my coworker how his thumbnail is growing in after he SHUT IT IN A CAR DOOR

doing pretty well!

I have a relative who has not taken care of a screwed up fingernail and now has no nail though

xps bro do u even nail?

I think it's starting to grow back, there is something going on in the nail void. I would be curious about this if it wasn't me, so for the greater good I submit the following documentary evidence:

http://i.imgur.com/XiPoaSE.jpg

boy i picked a bad time to tuck into a bag of jelly babies

one of my toenails mysteriously fell off a few months ago. a new one was growing underneath it but it's still got a suspicious bump.

omg is it SO SENSITIVE and PAINFUL???? that looks like it wd be totally excruciating

do they make prosthetic toenails

http://www.insidetexasrunning.com/Media/News/AppealingwhileHealing1.jpg

also I started googling "missing toenail" and stumbled across this VERY VERY NOT SAFE FOR LIFE photo set of a guy removing his own damaged toenail

http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/diy-toenail-removal-not-for-the-weak-of-stomach

don't click that btw

In the last couple of years I went from never having busted a nail so bad it came off, to losing a toenail and two fingernails and now I'm way too cozy with the whole cycle of going black, bandaging, falling off, and growing back (never quite the same, though). I understand distance runners are super familiar with all this.

hey this thread is bad now

I was sad there was nothing good on sale on amazon prime day and bought a goddamn squatty potty

this nail shedding is new to me. it doesn't hurt at all, although obv it feels a little peculiar & sensitive. it looked so grim with the blackened nail, this is much better

mh that is the saddest fucking story i've ever heard

having said that how are yr shits now

pretty good, man

nice

Sometimes when I'm hot and sagging, I pee all over my scrote. I don't mean to but it happens.

The foot pics itt are nice but they got nothing on my dad's diabetic toe crisis from last year

http://i.imgur.com/pidQ0iA.jpg

there they are, the two most awful posts in ilx history, just right there back-to-back

you couldn't make it up folks, you really couldn't

and yet i keep bookmarking the last post so that i can be alerted whenever there is new content on this thread

i am my worst enemy

well i don't have anything comparable to the double-whammy above, but i played marble madness to intensely a few days ago and now i have a legit NES thumb injury. pressing and holding up-left on the d-pad is absolutely out of the question right now, too much pain

honestly just posting to get that toe crisis pic above the fold, lol

still there

POST FASTER FFS

FYI we managed to save that toe, it looks fine now.

lol
i'll take your word for it

no need for a photo

I don't take pics of healthy toes... There are photos of the toe that got removed, pre-op, and it doesn't look quite as gross at first glance, until you realize what the yellowish stuff in the middle of the wound is

You'd hope it's pus, but it isn't