thread to get over a breakup

ty for being the awesome guy to help through a breakup <3

sometimes i still miss her so much

Hey nv

<3 to you NV

<3

you thought 4ndrew sulliv4n was brilliant. you always chatted him up whenever you saw him out walking his dogs. one time you guys stopped right in the very narrow entrance to the gym locker room for a conversation. i squeezed by to go work out, which is what you're supposed to fucking do at a gym. you were one of those annoying queens who couldn't see the gym as anything other than a social club.

misogynistic gays with daddy issues, fuck off 4 lyfe

let me just say that you have always seemed like an awesome dude

and also most of these anecdotes make me want to go screaming for the hills

Missed this before, 💜Matt

aw u too boo

Today is 5th wedding anniversary.

My last 3 wedding anniversaries (including today) - two years ago: on my way home from work my wife calls me upset as the cat has gone into a catatonic state with hugely dilated pupils. This lasts for a week - during which we start discussing putting the cat down as he is not eating, sleeping, or drinking fluids - we take the cat to the vet a few times and visit a veterinarian neurologist, none of them have a clue other than it is something neurological. The cat eventually suddenly snaps out of it, never for the conditions to reoccur.

Last year: I have a doctor's appointment as I have been having numbness of the extremities, chest pain and tightness, sweating, tachycardia, trouble breathing etc. I have a panic attack in the doctor's room. Wife has a meeting at work.

This year: wake up in my new place for the first time having separated from my wife yesterday. This is by far the least shitty of the last 3 anniversaries ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

<3

fight the good fight

We are going to hang out tonight and watch riverdale and eat some edibles

Ah Jim. Sorry.

I'm doing surprisingly well, and there is very little acrimony :)

thanks for the kind words

Realness. Very glad to hear you woke up ok man <3

<3 glad yr doing ok & that it is not super-acrimonious

sorry man, big changes are hard

How many times are you supposed to feel sure that you've found the person you'll spend the rest of your life with before you do?

Ah hoos <3

<3

just means you have a big heart hoos <3

It isn't over. We're trying to work through it. But it's been weeks now of dread and tears and hard conversations, and this weekend she told me she'd been afraid to admit that she hasn't had romantic feelings for me for the last few months. And I remember the end of enough relationships to know that's never a good sign. To feel undesired by the person you love more than anything--I feel like a gutted fish.

i just want to scream and burn everything down

Do that for a while

Then remember that there's plenty out there need you in another mode than that

feel sure that you've found the person you'll spend the rest of your life with

this is a thing?

It isn't over. We're trying to work through it. But it's been weeks now of dread and tears and hard conversations, and this weekend she told me she'd been afraid to admit that she hasn't had romantic feelings for me for the last few months. And I remember the end of enough relationships to know that's never a good sign. To feel undesired by the person you love more than anything--I feel like a gutted fish.

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, February 27, 2018 1:50 PM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lots of love to you hoos, from someone who was in that boat v recently and similarly crushed at the time.

sorry and mucho love to you hoos

Bah, sorry to hear that, man. One thing though:

And I remember the end of enough relationships to know that's never a good sign.

Past relationships are only ever going to cast a shadow over current ones, because, y'know, they're past. They didn't work out - but that doesn't mean that patterns you see in them necessarily point to doom. Have you the option of couples counselling?

always move toward the sun, cast the shadow behind you on the past, imo

i’ve decided to be single forevermore

which means i have to break up with someone i’ve Been seeing for about a month

do i owe them an explanation?

general human decency says yes imo
but idk shit about dating rules so maybe my advice is not the best

general human decency definitely says yes if you mean "should I just ghost them" instead

it’s only been a month so you owe no more than “not feeling it” imo

it’s within the dating trial period before you have any sort of solid commitment, unless you’ve exchanged vows or something

yeah ghosting bad, unless it’s a mutual “we forgot to text each other ever again” thing that is mutual

oh i don’t intend to ghost

i was just wondering if “not feeling it” is a good enough explanation or if i owe them more

not feeling it is cool imo and ime

you could also go slightly more poetic with "my heart's not in it" or Bartleby with "I'd prefer not to go foward/I'm not comfortable going forward"

It isn't over. We're trying to work through it. But it's been weeks now of dread and tears and hard conversations, and this weekend she told me she'd been afraid to admit that she hasn't had romantic feelings for me for the last few months. And I remember the end of enough relationships to know that's never a good sign. To feel undesired by the person you love more than anything--I feel like a gutted fish.

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, February 27, 2018 1:50 PM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

this ended friday btw

best of luck and much love to you, Hoos

aw man... sorry to hear that Hoos.

I wanted to start a topic on how to adjust to being single life, but I guess this thread is good to go.

I'm recently single. I came out of a long relationship about this time last year but barely got time to adjust before I got romantically involved with a colleague and we ended up seeing each other for about 9-10 months before splitting up the other week. I'm still on good terms with both exes. We walk in similar circles and I still see one of them at work every day, which isn't terribly easy but can't be helped.

The tough bit is over. It's been a few weeks since the break-up and my heart's healing. Now for the other tough bit. I've not been alone for 10 years and the prospect of that is in some ways that's liberating, exciting even. At the same time, it's alien. If I surround myself with friendly faces I can take my mind off things.

But last night was tough. My housemate was out and man, I was lonely. I took a walk, thought about popping into a pub or a cafe but felt embarrassed about being alone. I thought about going to the cinema, but I've never been to the cinema on my own. Ended up pretty much forcing myself to watch a film at home by myself. It's not that I wouldn't have done this before when I was in a relationship, but there's a dissonance going on in that I'm now at liberty to do whatever I want, but at the same time it feels a bit fruitless, like a waste of time cos there's no one to really share that experience with.

The other thing is feeling weird in public places. Like if I go out dancing or socialising, I'm in a crowded room and conscious of being a single bloke in my mid-late 30s. Why is that strange? I dunno, but there's a sense of alienation or a feeling like I can't quite relax properly. Like an internal social pressure to act like an interesting person, a non-weirdo, because even though I'm not looking to make a new relationship or even 'hook-up' with anyone at the moment I don't want to be a wallflower. And yeah there's the whole 'missing human intimacy thing' too which is a biggie. Does that make sense?

Ultimately this question isn't about 'getting over a break-up' or 'how to meet someone new'. I'm keen to be single for a while and use it as a time to get my shit together, remember who I am (or discover I should say), learn to be independent, use the time to work on projects I never had time for... But it's easier said than done. Simply deciding what to do on a Sunday afternoon, or what to eat for dinner, or trying to think of things to do on a Friday night that don't involve getting absolutely slaughtered, it's not coming very naturally rn.

that was a ramble. apologies for the bad writing.

No, it's fair enough, I get some idea of that from time to time. About a month ago I was in town for something and was about to head home, no interest in a night out (also lol old so more than 2 pints would be a serious decision), I'd already talked to my girlfriend about 'how was your day' and rang my Mum (she's ill so I try to ring regularly), and I was just struck with the desire to have a phone conversation, like would it be weird to just ask on Facebook if anyone wanted to talk? (A: Yes)

that makes perfect sense

I'm currently on the other end of things having seen myself as a single person, primarily. I've dated off and on for the last few years but have had an intentional break from that, which has gone on slightly too long.

I was literally the only person in the movie theater yesterday and it was refreshing. There are some experiences like that where you're only going to talk about it after the fact, and it doesn't matter if you experience them with others. The socializing, like dancing or attending a concert, sometimes does feel really off, even if you wouldn't be able to pick out your friends easily in a mass of people and would be doing your own thing part of the time.

I really need more structured activities outside the house, but I'd say: start a routine. Even if it's heading out to a breakfast spot on the weekend, finding a place where you can get a coffee and chat with the staff, find a place where you can have two beers and chat with regulars on the way home. Uh, and maybe things that don't involve food/drinks/commerce

sorry, that was a xp to DL

would it be weird to just ask on Facebook if anyone wanted to talk

not necessarily! I have friends who have done this, although I haven't, and have ended up talking via text or calling people. even an ilxor or two.

that is to say, friends have asked if anyone wants to talk, and I've obliged. or just struck up a conversation if I see someone's online.

xxxp to Andrew. i had that too. i've got lots of friends/acquaintances in this city but they're all people i met in the last 2 years and many of them i'm not sure about just ringing up and asking if they wanted to do something or just chat or whatever

The socializing, like dancing or attending a concert, sometimes does feel really off, even if you wouldn't be able to pick out your friends easily in a mass of people and would be doing your own thing part of the time.

this is pretty funny and ironic in that I actually quite like breaking off from ppl I know in a pub/club/bar/gig and going on a little adventure. now suddenly i feel like a weirdo loner creeping around the place

the trick is to conspicuously strike up a conversation with a small group of people, and then speak to others elsewhere in the club later. then the second group thinks you're with the first group, not a weird loner, and they're more likely to talk to you