what's happening to our borad TMI

Up that fiber and lower that cheese intake

They're not thankfully.

That's the problem, addicted to cheese

Cheese is delicious in all of its variations

Fiber pills have been helping a lot. I was having to do prep H suppositories for a while just to get things under control.

tofu cheese maybe?

please do not misread that with my display name in mind

there are some pretty tasty non-cheese cheeses out there. and if your eyes have not yet been opened to the glory of #bidetlife, then a world of bliss awaits u

tofu cheese maybe?

there are some pretty tasty non-cheese cheeses out there.

cat entirely otm

do you have one of those donut pillows? having spent much of the past 20 years in a van, I bought one & remembered to bring it with me on my int'l trip this time. it is, to put the point directly, saving my ass.

I don't but I think it's time to get one!

yeah just search hemmorrhoid pillows. there's inflatable ones people use or there's cushion ones. they help if you gotta SOA a lot.

Having to simultaneously piss and shit while stuck in a one on one meeting was fun.

Ended just in the nick of time

The meeting or the waste elimination? Or both?

Had to read that a few times

xpost lol the meeting.

Having to simultaneously piss and shit while stuck in a one and two meeting was fun.

Once they commit to giving you a raise, just let it all go.

a situation commonly referred to being "on the ones and twos"

Once they commit to giving you a raise, just let it all go.

― underwater as a compliment (Eazy), Tuesday, January 16, 2024 4:14 PM (two minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

[face increasingly red and twisted] "Thanks so much hnnngh can I get that in writing please? hnnnngh yeah, now?"

Stuck in the middle with you

been backed up lately, so took fiber gummies. woke up needing to take a big dump. they shut our water off before I made it to the can.

I know u get 'one flush' when the water is off and then u gotta add water to the tank to flush after that. I don't got that kinda energy, but it's been two hours now so...I might gotta go that route.

will keep you apprised of all crucial developments in this, #dumpgate

why is the water shut off? were you given advance notice?

to fix a water heater. they emailed us, like. the moment they did it. that's their M.O.

"one hour", they said

I've been dealing with sinus congestion for the past two weeks. One of my favorite disgusting sensations is when you're blowing your nose trying to clear out seriously clogged sinuses and you blow so hard that tears shoot out of your eye. It's happened to me several times over the course of this illness.

https://www.livescience.com/why-blow-nose-water-squirts-out-of-eye

a kid from

a kid from the estate across the road just took a shit across from my house

like in your yard?

nah tbf at least it was across the st

nature is healing

my dog almost did a shit in someone's driveway. I quickly pulled him out of the front of the driveway when he got into the squatting posture. He doesn't normally even shit on pavements but this was clearly an emergency, and horror of horrors he had diarrhea. I couldn't even hope to try bagging it. Someone was giving me daggers and I speedwalked the fuck away from that scene!

the key to playing that off isnt shame, it's staring daggers back and scream whispering "u know what u did"

the dog I housesat for 10+ years died this week. I walked him for probably the last 8 years and his poops were just about as consistent as you could ask for, right down to where he'd go.

but like...they'd be big, and so to try to make the scooping easier, my friends bought this like humongous, heavy steel poop-scooping contraption, where you'd work the levers and it'd put the heavy arms under the turd, then you'd reverse whenever you were ready to drop it into something.

they got rid of it in like two months and they told me I was the only person who had ever successfully used it

like it looked like it was made for a 15 foot tall monster

xxp

lol, at least that approach would allow me to shake off the overbearing feeling of moral cowardice!

theres nothing to be done with diarrhea i mean its just a shrug.jpg situation

my dog once pooped on the damn stairs of my building when we were going down, and it wasn’t even a diarrhea situation, like what the hell, man

The effort of finding this thread overwrote in my mind what I wanted to post about

Drinking one last Dogfish 60 before Ubering to Megadeth

I think the last time I got puke drunk was when I drank several Dogfish beers without realizing they had a very high alcohol content.

Drinking one last Dogfish 60 before Ubering to Megadeth

this blackhead that keeps resurfacing on my partner's back for the last decade is my nemesis, my white whale

I’ve been wearing adult diapers for 3 days because I have a severe cough and apparently weak pelvic floor muscles, so I keep peeing a little every time I have a choking/gagging coughing fit.

Last night I smoked weed, then prepared a jolly “snack”: bread and butter with a drizzle of hot sauce.

The hot sauce was the hottest in our fridge (extremely hot), and it came out too quickly, and after I ate the thing I started rocking back and forth in sweaty, painful pleasure. My bf was like “what is happening” and I soothed the moment with a glass of milk.

I slept on the couch, anticipating fragrance, which arrived.

Today I am out for a pad thai lunch with my friend Eric, and I warned him that I’d have to take some certain fiery poo breaks. I took three, all told, during which I watched Trump’s inauguration.

It occurred to me that there was no more appropriate way to watch Trump’s inauguration remarks than while sitting in a cold basement, on a toilet, noisily expelling hot, liquid shit

I had very hot Indian last night and I’m flying in an hour. Should be fun.

The main side effect of a new medication has been constipation, and a side effect of the side effect has been the new horrible smell of my gas. It's like an oil refinery and a hog farm had the world's stinkiest baby.

Ugh, yes, I had stomach surgery in late November, and only getting back to regularity these last couple weeks.

Horrifying!

The worst gas I ever had was a post-suckling pig food poisoning experience. My Filipino in-laws took me out for my birthday. “Eat the cheek!” they said, and I ate the cheek. “Eat the nozzle!” they said, and I thought “…nozzle?” and I dutifully ate bites of the snout.

I got food poisoning, as one does from eating undercooked pig’s head. I would feel fine, until I ate a meal, at which point I would feel woozy and pass out cold for a two hour nap.

While I was not napping, it wasn’t that I was gassy so much as my anus felt like it was continuously wafting a constant stream of hellgas. I likened the sensation to being a “walking upside-down tar pit”