thread to get over a breakup

x-post - Hmmmmm. Was def sideways like MS.

Who the hell is this fascinating man btw? The beard, the hair (is that a braid?!) the jacket/glove combo . . . it's almost too much for me to take in at once. Delicious.

he's a Maniac

he's a maniac, a maniac on the floor ...

he's got this friend, she's dancing. . . like she's never danced before

HAHAHAHA awesome.

(btw re JP Man in Motion is one of my favorite songs of all time - seriously)

A Spiritual Journey With Michael Sembello

http://www.michaelsembello.com/

there was one other dude on that island, not Cory Hart, but someone else. . .

x-post Oh god thank you. I predict that thread and website will bring me much joy and wonderment later this evening.

Two different people love for an instant

They say that the circus left today

Sometimes I hear the colaipy and I can hear her calling me

(Chorus Out)

LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

is that how it goes?

that chicks chin implant A+++

is it just me, or does it also look like she had her nose done, too?

i thought that at first too but i think its the same

oh wait the bump has gone. def nose job.

xp -I don't think it's the same, it's beakier in the first pic

im pretty sure a little lipo too

I was only questioning why guys who were clean shaven when in relationships grow beards after they break up.

probably just because they are bummed out and don't have the energy to bother shaving

Same reason you dye your hair pink when you feel you need a change. Only slower.

xposts There's no question that she had her nose and probably some other stuff done too, yeah.

I think the attitude that goes with random shaving patterns (or post-breakup beard growth) is more important than the actual beard. Then again, I decided to do a complete clean shave this morning, so what do I know?

My breakup official crossed into the MONEY ISSUES frontier yesterday. I keep thinking that I am being a jackass for one reason or another, but IM conversations with the shared friend that she always referred to as her "best friend" have made me feel particularly better.

o don't go there, unless it's expressly for revenge

Go where? Basically it's a matter of solving some "who takes what" issues (anything we bought for the place stays with the place, imo), a couple minor home/car repairs which I would gladly pay to have done (still) and when I'm able to remove her from my insurance. The ISSUE was that I feel that I'm owed money. Coming at me with "you need to pay for this" and then saying "oh, the money I said I'd pay you back, that's null and void because you broke up with me" isn't really kosher.

As for talking to the shared friend, I've basically just been bouncing "hey, this is what I'm being told, am I being unreasonable for asking about this?" type of questions. A little bit of crankiness too, but the friend has certainly witnessed enough to know where I'm coming from. Yeah, I should not drag a friend into it, if that's what you mean, but I'm not trying to kill their friendship or throw blame, just kind of trying to keep things straight.

oh, i thought there was a possibility of a 'thing' with shared friend, but my bad.

ps unless we're talking huge money that you can't afford, my advice is walk away from the money issues.

Yeah, agreed. I just feel there's enough crap hanging over that I should be able to walk away. If she thinks I really need to take care of these things monetarily, then fine, have an estimate done or get it repaired and send me the bill. At this point, I just kind of feel like I have been supportive financially and emotionally for a long time, so sweating the small shit just seems petty to me.

Most definitely not a thing with our friend, we actually stayed with her and her boyfriend at their place. I was friends with her before this thing, and I hope to be friends long after. Very grateful on that.

There's also this "who keeps the engagement ring" thing, which I should just probably write off.

We basically had two big discussions around the time we were working out long-term plans / getting engaged where I said exactly what I didn't want: to be responsible for her behavior when drunk when she expected me to be some kind of caretaker; that I did not feel comfortable with her making threats against her own well-being and would treat those seriously, even if she did not feel they were serious; and that she needed to be responsible for taking care of her own affairs, or responsible for asking for help if she was unable to. Basically she went off the rails, acted completely irresponsible, wanted instant forgiveness for her drunk behavior when I wasn't even there, neglected her own medication, and actually made an attempt on her life. I think that's the deal broken about four ways.

There's also this "who keeps the engagement ring" thing, which I should just probably write off.

I believe that generally speaking the engagement ring is seen as a contract of sorts and that she is really supposed to give it back.

OK here you go . . .

The majority of courts consider an engagement ring to be a "conditional gift." A conditional gift is one in which some future event must occur in order to finalize the gift. In most cases, courts consider the wedding itself to be the future event that must occur in order to finalize the gift of the engagement ring. If the wedding does not take place, if the engagement is broken, the gift does not get finalized, and thus the ring reverts back to the gift-giver. In other words, the ring must be returned.

Only if the woman breaks off the engagement. If the man breaks it off, the woman is traditionally entitled to keep the ring.

x-post

Not anymore!! See above. That is how it is often viewed legally regardless of who breaks the engagement these days.

As for one of the "repair" things -- it was the only time in my life I can remember that I ended up damaging something due to anger.

She has this point where she will be upset about something and throw a temper tantrum. She was working on sewing something that she had an actual deadline for, and her sewing machine broke. She basically started crying and raging, and I asked what I could do to help. She ended up yelling at me, and locking herself in the bathroom. She has a great habit of alternatively screaming "you don't even care" punctuated by "you're not helping!" So I was in the bedroom, outside the bathroom door, calling friends and family and leaving messages asking if I could borrow a sewing machine for her. Really. So finally, I ask if we can go somewhere and look at a new one, and the shouting about my unhelpfulness continued.

At this point, I am specifically saying I would directly fix the issue. So when she screamed again, I kicked the door and my foot broke through the panel. Still ashamed to type this, feel like a jerk for reacting like that. What did we do after this? I drove her to a store where I paid for a brand new $400 sewing machine.

And so, the door is what I am apparently supposed to repair.

IMO, she broke off the engagement when she did all the things I said would end the relationship. But seriously, if she wants to walk around wearing a nice engagement ring and being creepy, right now I'd say she can go for it.

I'm feeling more and more like a moron for EVER caring at this point, because I just feel like I've been played by my emotions for the past year

I'd sell the ring and pay for the monetary stuff with the proceeds, or tell her she can either get $$$ or the ring but not both; I am certain that the ring is worth more than whatever you owe her.

x-post Oh wait - you may be right about the guy breaking engagement girl keeps ring thing. Anyway, Who cares? If it's that much of an issue and you can't agree then just sell the damn thing and split the money.

Uh MH - this lady sounds like um . . . a handful. I think not marrying her is probably going to turn out to be one of the best decisions you ever make tbh.

I'm feeling more and more like a moron for EVER caring at this point, because I just feel like I've been played by my emotions for the past year

― mh, Friday, August 28, 2009 11:16 AM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark

i have to say the scenaria you have laid out here sound very close to extortion.

I'd sell the ring and pay for the monetary stuff with the proceeds

Just a warning, trying to sell engagement rings these days will get you pretty much nothing.

Anybody who has to go to the courts to resolve enagement ring issues is a horrible vulgarian.

Good point.

when dealing with money issues and a bad ex situation, i have learned to ask, "how much would i pay to get out of this completely?" the answer is usually somewhere close to the amount i think i'm owed, tbh. but i've never given anybody a ring...

that's a little racist

Michael White is so completely on the mark. I just got a call from her mom, who said that she heard I wanted to talk to her. Actually, what I'd said was that if we needed to discuss financial issues or anything that needs a good objective grounding, I would like a third party there, and I'd find her parents acceptable. I think I'm being fair, or even giving her more than what's fair here because I want her to keep in therapy and not get knocked completely off her feet, so I don't mind if they'd be a little bit partial to her needs.

OK this whole thing sounds like a complete nightmare. Cut your loses and run. Seriously.

losses, oops

conan the vulgarian

my sister-in-law was engaged to some guy before my bro. somehow it fell through so she sold the ring and took a bunch of her friends on the already booked honeymoon.

i have known guys who have taken out a loan to buy a ridiculously expensve engagement ring. id probably feel inclined to give it back if he was still making payments unless he did something really shitty to break the engagement in which case id be happy for him to remember every month when the bill arrives.

unless you're talking about an arranged marriage i do not understand why people still go through an engagement step on the way to marriage. it just seems so antiquated and bizarre to me.

i don't either tbh but if he hadn't gone through that step they would be married already. broken engagement > divorce for sure

like 99 percent of the marriage process is stuff that is not necessary or or stuff that doesn't make sense anymore but it's done because of tradition. the whole deal is very traditional. those aspects aren't for everybody but sometimes doing something for the sake of tradition is nice.

I kind of felt the same way, but I also got a lot of pushback that serious examination of issues would only happen after engagement. GUESS WHAT!