TP eradication - what will u use instead?

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It is 2021. Toilet paper no longer exists in quantities to where everybody can have it. Bidets have been banned by all national governments in an act of collusion to drive up the price of tp on the black market, from which they benefit.

You refuse to be stinky. and you have ingenuity. what do u use instead?

Poll Results

Option	Votes
old towels	2
my shower	2
tortilla shells	1
I just won't	1
the cover of a yes album	1
otter	1
Garu G's gran	1
sand paper	0
money	0
Ned Beatty	0
other	0
other	0
other	0
other	0
other	0
Nerd Ropes	0
rabbits	0
smooth rocks	0
magazines	0
socks	0
jump rope	0
ilx socks	0
trash bags	0
t-shirts	0
notebook paper	0
compact discs	0

― sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Saturday, 21 March 2020 18:58 (four years ago) link

Real men never clean their butthole.

― coco vide (pomenitul), Saturday, 21 March 2020 19:00 (four years ago) link

man, No Fear is really going a different direction with their t-shirt slogans

― sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Saturday, 21 March 2020 19:00 (four years ago) link

Anyway, going with 'otter', either live or stuffed, I haven't decided yet.

― coco vide (pomenitul), Saturday, 21 March 2020 19:04 (four years ago) link

india_bucket_instrux.jpg

― Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Saturday, 21 March 2020 19:05 (four years ago) link

our 8 month old baby is way ahead of the game with her reusable bamboo fibre wipes.

― Paperbag raita (ledge), Saturday, 21 March 2020 19:08 (four years ago) link

Chose neanderthal's shower

― ℺ ☽ ⋠ ⏎ (✖), Saturday, 21 March 2020 19:11 (four years ago) link

how many times am i going to have to post this on ilx before u goddamn savages start listening

“But, to conclude, I say and maintain, that of all torcheculs, arsewisps, bumfodders, tail-napkins, bunghole cleansers, and wipe-breeches, there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose, that is well downed, if you hold her head betwixt your legs. And believe me therein upon mine honour, for you will thereby feel in your nockhole a most wonderful pleasure, both in regard of the softness of the said down and of the temporate heat of the goose, which is easily communicated to the bum-gut and the rest the inwards, in so far as to come even to the regions of the heart and brains.”

― a struggle to make meat-snacking fit (bizarro gazzara), Saturday, 21 March 2020 19:13 (four years ago) link

Chose neanderthal's shower

― ℺ ☽ ⋠ ⏎ (✖), Saturday, March 21, 2020 3:11 PM bookmarkflaglink

Oh u just try gettin in!

― sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Saturday, 21 March 2020 19:15 (four years ago) link

Rabelais otm

― coco vide (pomenitul), Saturday, 21 March 2020 19:15 (four years ago) link

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EHHCrK8X0AQhOy4.png

― Bridge Over Thorley Waters (Tom D.), Saturday, 21 March 2020 19:18 (four years ago) link

Those of us from rural south know how to handle toilet paper shortage. Eat more corn on the cob! The corn isn't important, but the cobs are free and work great! (Just don't flush them!) You're welcome!
— Gov. Mike Huckabee (@GovMikeHuckabee) March 20, 2020

― some of you are enjoying this (gyac), Saturday, 21 March 2020 19:23 (four years ago) link

Well that explains a lot

― sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Saturday, 21 March 2020 19:26 (four years ago) link

Green New Deal btfo.

― coco vide (pomenitul), Saturday, 21 March 2020 19:28 (four years ago) link

"im not owned! im not owned!!", i continue to insist as i slowly shrink and transform into a corn cob then get rubbed on mike huckabee’s winking starfish

― a struggle to make meat-snacking fit (bizarro gazzara), Saturday, 21 March 2020 19:30 (four years ago) link

> the cover of a yes album

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pc9LlSsg1_Q

― Kate (rushomancy), Saturday, 21 March 2020 19:32 (four years ago) link

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

― System, Tuesday, 31 March 2020 00:01 (four years ago) link

jfk blown away

― ole uncle tiktok (darraghmac), Tuesday, 31 March 2020 00:05 (four years ago) link

i am going to use "running really fast"

― Karl Malone, Tuesday, 31 March 2020 00:06 (four years ago) link

running with my legs

― Karl Malone, Tuesday, 31 March 2020 00:06 (four years ago) link

upping fart routine

― ole uncle tiktok (darraghmac), Tuesday, 31 March 2020 00:08 (four years ago) link

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

― System, Wednesday, 1 April 2020 00:01 (four years ago) link

glad to my nerd ropes are safe

― Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Wednesday, 1 April 2020 00:02 (four years ago) link

lol this thread is vmic

― crüt, Wednesday, 1 April 2020 00:08 (four years ago) link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2i4BMGyyIf8

― forensic plumber (harbl), Wednesday, 1 April 2020 19:58 (four years ago) link

bought a bidet today

― Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Wednesday, 1 April 2020 20:59 (four years ago) link

disappointed that Tim and Eric wasn't the Rick Astley song wif new words

― narcissistic sleighride (Neanderthal), Wednesday, 1 April 2020 21:13 (four years ago) link

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