revolting/weird clinic stories

1. A woman came in for a regular GYN visit, complaining of feeling pressure in her abdomen. As soon as the speculum went into her vagina, a perfectly normal-looking grape rolled through and out the back of it, and across the floor.

2. A woman came in complaining of pain during intercourse. Of course, she had a fucked-up looking impacted million-year-old tampon in her vagina that had to be extracted with forceps. The smell of death pervaded the clinic all the way up to the front office, on the real.

3. A patient who had a regular, complication-free surgicl abortion was waiting for "clean and call" -- this is where the doctor leaves the room and a surgical assistant basically cleans the girl up (this is basically wiping off like a speck of blood and putting a pad on the girl), helps her get dressed, and walks her to the recovery room. In extreme cases, they would wheeled into the emergency room. Well, this turned out to be one of those cases, cause the girl stood up too soon, panties around her ankles and passed right out. I yelled for help and a guy from the sterilization room came and picked her up. She promptly shat on him. When we got her into the wheelchair, she puked. This ranks as, by far, the grossest thing I have ever seen in my life.

not emergency room!!!! recovery room. lol

ILTMI earning its stripes here

4. A woman said "I'm on morphine" and, standing up, calmly puked in the tiny trash can by my desk.

5. We were all so inured to gross shit that at lunchtime we would go into sterilization (used surgical instruments getting cleaned, lab specimens, etc) and eat pizza.

6. "POC" = what comes out during a surgical abortion, including the fetus, blood, uterine lining, whatever. At the end of a surgery day, each of these specimens, in tiny plastic bags that twist-tie at the top, are packaged thusly into a box: POCs, a chux (big diaper-like material thing), plastic biohazard bag, chux, plastic biohazard bag. The box was then shipped to a laboratory. Yes, we discovered a box that had never been mailed, and it was nigh on a year old. It was inexplicably on the bottom of a stack of other boxes full of normal supplies and shit. The real treat was having to go through the plastic bag/chux scenario to find out how old they were and what exactly got screwed up.

yikes!

I'll post more as they come to me. I also worked in Radiology in a hospital -- some truly gross shit there.

i volunteered at a clinic in high school but i never got to do the cool shit... mostly i just taught middle schoolers taht it was ok to be gay and stuff

That's cool, Max!

dude

SUP

haha great thread

At the clinic I worked at a woman had been given laminaria (seaweed sticks used to dialate the cervix) a couple days before before being sceduled for a late term termination. She came back for her follow up and as she was walking down the hallway the fetus basically just slid out and onto the floor. I only saw the aftermath but it looked like something out of The Shining.

HEY GUYS I'M TAKING GROSS ANATOMY RIGHT NOW

Two days ago: removed a BRANE
Yesterday: popped an eyeball
Today: sawed a face in half

good thread

friend of mine was taking embryology (including all the shit that can go wrong) the semester that his first child was due

Thinking about seaweed sticks here.

oh god

So awesome.

laminaria hurt worse than an abortion

it's like they do it to get your cervix inured to shit more than anything.

Lamely trying to comfort non-English speaking woman during an gagortion. Doctor is going about his business. I sense him staring at me, so I look down at him. He' sitting on his stool, holding the cannula upright with a fetal head is spinning away on the tip. We choke back the laughter. He stops the vacuum and the wee head FLIES across the room, hits the wall, and slides down. I lamely distract poor patient as an assistant cleans up the head-mess.

omg

And roxymuzak, I see your lost tampon story and raise you one 25-year-old diaphragm.

God, I have so many of these that I'll have to ask my husband about all the stories he's forbidden me to tell in polite company...

good grief!

how the fuck can that possibly make you laugh?? (xxxxp)

It was more the look of bewilderment on the doc's face...and the surreality when the head took flight. You had to be there.

It's easy to make assumptions about the issues surrounding abortion; assumptions about how women must feel before and after, assumptions about the staff. As I'm sure others on this board can attest to, many-a coping mechanisms are employed on the job to deal with some of the brutal shit we see, and I'm not even talking about the abortions. Black humor is one of the more popular coping mechanisms.

Story prob could have withstood a more thoughtful retelling, if the aim was humor.

On second thought, you are a dead ringer for Kathy Acker, kate78.

kate78 OTM!!!

dude, i laughed. patient didnt see it, right?

And roxymuzak, I see your lost tampon story and raise you one 25-year-old diaphragm.

WOWWWWW! Tell us more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

kate78 how far along was she?

bet: 10 weeks

After I accompanied by best friend to Planned Parenthood this summer, I thought I had gotten past cavalier 'abortion tickles' lolz. But the spinning fetal head kinda made me crack up.

"abortion tickles"????

he means abortion lols

roxymuzak OTM: 10 weeks, and no, the patient didn't notice.

Diaphragm story: Older women (like 60-ish) comes into clinic for check up. Hasn't been to the gyn in or had a partner for awhile, but it thinking about getting back into the game. The NP is doing her thing and then gets a really funny look on her face. "Have you ever used a diaphragm before?" The patient says she had one back in the 70s. The NP triumphantly pulls out what remains (the spring, all the latex is gone), and says, "Well, I found it!"

The patient was aghast and really embarrassed for a minute and then lost her shit, "So that's where it went!" Roffles all around.

wow! So all that latex just dissolved.

Oh my God.

I'm guessing the spring is either copper or surgical steel.

Whatever it was, it was wedged in right around her cervix, doin it's job!

"abortion tickles" was a t-shirt hell shirt.

abortions tickle, i think

right before my third surgery I was in the pre-operating room about to go under when the dude next to me (who was white as a ghost & getting an IV stuck in him) started coughing up blood and saying "help me - help me - I can't breathe" in this horrible gruesome choking voice & the nurse started freaking out & a bunch of doctors were summoned for some emergency procedure. I got wheeled to another room. I was pretty damn freaked out.

Did you ever find out what happened to him? How terrifying!

when i gave blood once they were showing the movie Blade -- specifically the scene where people at a disco get blood rained on them -- and several ppl passed out, lol

Hahaha!