Poop...

tough question. I think there is going to be some battleground votes

quality over quantity, man...

What if you do one a day one day and two the next and then three the day after that and none the fourth day, how the hell are you supposed to vote with those options?

Yes, the options here are mathematically dishonest and are trying to paint a misleading picture. Let me speak to your supervisor.

eat lots of plums!
xpost

*plop*

Well it's just kind of a "regularly..." thing. I mean, my shit schedule changes a lot, but regularly I would say once a day.

Before that it was once every couple of days. Which can't be good for anyone.

mine makes even me faint

3-4.

Really gets annoying.

damn, 3-4? do you have a portable device attached to your sphincter for the moments that are inconvenient?

It's not actually that hard to hold the poop until it is convenient.

I dunno, you kinda sound like Robocrapper

I had a friend that pooped a lot

Crapping 3-4 times per day >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> wiping 3-4 times per day, just FYITMI.

i don't get it. what's wrong w/ yr butt libcrypt? i only poop once.

Ever? Damn dude, musta been huge if it was an all-encompassing turd.

bo jackson overdrive and captainlorax having a conversation about poop is truly our lowest common denominator isnt it

I'm on meds that make me crap often.

can a mod move this thread to I Love TMI?

I was thinking that would be a good idea.

...any objections?

"I had a friend that pooped a lot"
-that's the type of random insight that cracks me up (of course it would be funnier to hear this in a different scenario)

I feel like I have mastered the "it's funny because it's wrong" type of humor.
Maybe my friend pooping is not the shiniest example. But there's more to this type of humor than meets the eye. You should try experimenting with it around your coworkers... seriously. There's many derivatives of this humor worth exploring (especially stupidity), and some that just aren't very funny. But if you make yourself laugh, that's better than nothing.

Pooping While On The Phone

now that the secret of my stupidity is out, my randomness wont be quite as funny anymore :/
well at least to my fans. i still think it's funny

that's the suckiest bowel movement ever. eh? eh?

SCENE II:

Dusk. A clean but dimly-lit basement room, empty except for a table, two chairs, a toilet, a roll of Charmin and a Hitachi Magic Wand.

I'm just waiting for someone to say - "You were never funny"
that would crack me up.

Go chop a tree down lorax.

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

Are there any ladies here?

Everyone know that ladies don't poop!

i'm a lady!!!!

YOU ARE VIOLATING THE LADY CONTRACT

but pooping is liberating and empowering

Not to mention lightening.

poooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop

Why the fuck this thread got to float to the top of the new answers bowl when im eating some delicious pizza

dude, considering your ilx history here....!!!!

it's true. i'm all about the pizza.

"Oh! Celia, Celia, Celia shits!"

Who wrote that? I'm drawing a blank. Was it Donne? Swift?

NM - my friend Gooogle confirmed it was Swift.

yep.

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

more than 50% of poll participants shit two or more times a day. How do you people have time for jobs?

who says you can't work on the can

I was sweating just waiting for the results.
but thank god, I'm average.
now no one can dispute my pooping preferences.

more than 50% of poll participants shit two or more times a day. How do you people have time for jobs?

^^^ toilet sitta

I'm more surprised that so many people don't even need to shit every day. How is that possible?

o, the humanity!

Seems like the denizens of this board would be interested in this site:
http://www.poopandmemory.org/

as i reach for the last half inch of a nearly depleted french press of coffee even though i am already highly caffeinated, i notice the colonies of floating grinds and am fully aware that i am most likely going to trigger a sizeable pooping event. every gulp leads me closer to the glorious conclusion

*gulps* *farts*

I really hate pooping.

Somebody should make a poop centrifuge for people who hate pooping. You get into it, it spins you round really fast, and centrifugal force just pulls the poop out of you.

Pooptrifuge(tm)

Then they could get William Shatner to do the adverts.

pooptrifuge.com - no-one register that domain, I've got dibs on it.

yesterday it felt like I was trying to pass that rolling ball from Raiders of the Lost Ark

I don't know if that's good or bad

painful but reverent

Haha, a word that has never been attributed to poop by anyone ever

being awakened by one’s need to shit is never good

i mean it’s better than *not* being awakened by one’s need to shit, but how about we just leave all the shitting to normal daytime hours

t/s: being awakened by one's need to shit vs being awakened by someone else's need to shit

vs failing to awake despite one's urgent need to shit

vs one's urgent need to shit triggering a narcoleptic episode

*dreamcatcher*

one's urgent need to shit triggering a narcoleptic episode

s(h)itcom waiting to happen imo

Sacha Baron Cohen's next project.

just read this at snopes...

In 1965 a ‘grossly obese’ man survived without eating for 1 year and 17 days. He lived entirely off his copious body fat and vitamins, and ended up losing 125kg [276 lb] of weight with no adverse effects. Also, he only pooped every 40 – 50 days

He later became the 45th President of the United States.

Pooping should be a glorious ritual reserved for the early morning, immediately before showering

I mean, if you want to jump the gun and pretend that there isn't a perfectly functional drain in the shower, sure.

IMPORTANT: Steven Bochco fired the lead actor from MURDER ONE because his morning dump made him an hour late to set every single day. Please RT! pic.twitter.com/xLHorB33KL

— Max Silvestri (@maxsilvestri) July 26, 2018

murder two morelike

that's so hilarious to me. just how recalcitrant about it he was