When is a fuck budy no longer a fuck buddy?

I have a "friends with benefits" agreement with this guy and we've hooked up for sex 3 times in the past 3 months. However this month there has been a pattern emerging of me trying to set up a meet, which ends up with an hour or so of texts going back and forth - texts that I get the impression he is typing single handedly. Then the next day something comes up and he has to postpone (working late, travel problems, illness). That’s three times this month I've been blown off, today being the most recent.

I still like the guy but I am of the opinion I should break all contact with him. Advice anyone? Similar stories?

oops, how do I shot anon post? Oh well, nobody here knows me anyway

That shit never works

I think you're supposed to simply not care

when it misses a d :D [/lameness]

I don't think you necessarily have to break contact with him but I'd make a point to not be the person arranging the next hookup, personally. Let him wonder! He may never text or he may, but if you "break it off" with him after a few blow-ups it may make the whole thing more dramatic than a casual sex relationship should ever be, right?

Yeah, I think that is the wisest way of proceeding.

Don't make a big deal or fuss about it, but just don't try to arrange any more hookups yrself, and if he contacts you, act all disinterested and make him do the work.

Being a cynic, I think the message he's sending is that he's bored of the arrangement - why should he bother to make an effort?

i thought the whole point of this is that you're not supposed to give a shit because caring about where dude is and why he keeps cancelling sounds like you want it to be a closer to a real relationship

No, I don't think that's necessarily true.

It's just human nature that if you make a plan to do something and someone fucks you about on it, that you get annoyed and want to know what the deal is.

it could be casual sex, it could be playing a freaking tennis match.

If you have made a couple of appointments to play a tennis game with someone, and they cancelled it at the last minute ever time, you'd have every right to be annoyed, and not want to play tennis with them any more.

That doesn't mean you want a *relationship* with them.

Yeah, if you don't want to do something thats fine, just don't pretend (?) you intend to do something which results in other people making plans which then get screwed up

no quarter for the flaky fuck-buddy

I think to a lot of men "I am not in a relationship with you" means "I do not actually have to show you even common courtesy that I would show to a friend" which is just not on.

Just because the activity is sex does not excuse flakines and rudeness.

i just think that having expectations of any kind in this particular type of arrangment is setting yourself up for disappointment

i think this works best when there is no planning at all, just calling the same night "mind if i drop by" sort of thing.

The thing is I've already called him out on his unreliability, jokingly, saying I fully expect something to come up and for him to cancel, but he is always so insistant that he really wants to meet. It's just these mixed messages that piss me off. Everything else about the deal is good.

sex is not tennis, expect 100% junior-high school behavior

But the flakiness is a huge turn off. The guy is a bit of a masochist and is always asking me to punish him. Thats why I'm of the opinion it is a mind game on his part.

Maybe this is just me, but I would probably not have sex with someone who treated sex with less... consideration? than tennis.

I think any advice that amounts to anything other than "make your feelings known" is truly terrible advice

I like being "friends with benefits" much more than being "fuck buddies". For what I've gathered, a proper "fuck buddy" is someone you meet only for sex, and not for any other reason, and I could never be in a situation like that. For me sex almost always involves more than physical attraction, so I prefer to have even casual sex with folks that I would actually like to hang out with outside the bedroom too. In my experience it's possible to have a "fuck relationship" where both of you recognize that you're not in love with each other nor want to date each other in a "proper" way, but you still like each other enough that besides sex you can go to the movies and do other stuff together. And this of course also means that you want to act politely towards the other person and not blew her off because you're "just" fuck buddies. Personally I've had more than one such relationship and, despite all the scare stories people tell about such relationships, they've mostly been perfectly enjoyable and nothing awful has ever resulted from them.

theres a lot to be said for having to talk to someone

for NOT having to ...you get it