i lost

hi, you don't know me, feel free to ignore.

bunch of expats living in rural kenya. cast of characters:

me, 30yo m
A, 23yo m
M, 22yo f

me and A great friends. M, gorgeous, brilliant, nice, etc arrives for a 4-month posting. A and me both freak out over her. (i always flip for girls that seem to be self-confident without being self-centered or egotistical.) it's announced that i'll be managing her work while she's here. we spend a lot of time together, have a great time, she keeps suggesting trips for us to go on (as in "you've never been to kampala? we should go!") some of these trips happened, but others always ended up coming with us.

due to age difference and management power weirdness, i never feel right putting a move on. i just sort of hope that at some point either SHE'LL put a move on or that it'll be really obvious. i rationalize: "i just really enjoy her company! that's why i hang out with her all the time! what could be more natural?"

A has no qualms, of course, and goes straight for the goal. now i think A has triumphed. not only am i gutted, but there will be no escape from them - we spend all our time together, eat all meals together, etc.

sigh. she probably wasn't right for me anyway. too young, too well-adjusted, too good to be true.

DAMN YOU i lost ;_; and it's been a while too

in all seriousness.....tough luck dude.....

Luckily we now have (slow) internet. I'm going to be downloading a lot of Stevie Wonder in the next few days.

somebody just came in and informed me that my intuition is correct. they are officially ... something.

christ i'm supposed to go to zanzibar with the two of them and a couple others. tempted to go to berlin alone instead. although that would be a tacit, public admission of being upset about this. also money.

write a play of your experience and be hailed as an artistic genius.....nice women dig sensitive dudes who write

dinnertime. brave face.

good luck.

i lost, too.

Thanks for letting me whine ya'll