First Wank

6-10 i think. i had this pillow ...

6-10 is highly wtf to me -- def 13-14 for me

i actually thought this poll was gonna list times of the day............

ok maybe it was 11-12 but i don't think it was 13+

I really don't remember the time of day I did it the first time, but 13-14. oh, Cindy Crawford, thou lead me to sin.....

i guess it was 7th grade, which is more like ... 12-13. god i told myself i would never post on a tmi thread.

you of all people!

surm failed to mention that it was in class while giving an oral report

there was a prankster type dude who jerked it in a class my senior year of high school for some laffs -- pretty sure he got suspended

Ages 13-14

I saw an episode of some talk show where Sean Young mentioned that women used shower heads to get off and, well, we had this hot tub . . .

was he cute?

xp

u know, girls never fail to mention this shower head technique. seems so intricate!

no not really xp

I feel sorry for the janitor having to clean that up

ew guys are so gross

Was 14, middle of night, having snuck downstairs to watch some Dutch football on Channel 5

I was about 8 or 9. I was watching TV with a pencil in my hand and somehow ended up rubbing the eraser end against my panties. It was a revelation.

It's not *that* different for women! Though it was hard finding that last of the secret stones hidden on the seven continents that allowed me to find the magic mirror that showed me how.

When did you first realize the pleasures of self-stimulation?

Way early on, def somewhere between 6-10. Actually masturbating to climax is a different story. I don't remember exactly how old I was, but I did it at my grandmother's house.

On the serious: I grew up in an extremely sexually repressive home, and I didn't even learn to read or acknowledge those signals from myself until I'd had a steady boyfriend & done some fooling around. SO I didn't get an orgasm from fooling around w/myself until I was 17. A revelation indeed.

If we're just talking about 'when did you figure out genital contact feels good,' I think everyone figures that out before they learn to walk. I remember my kindergarten teacher calling a conference w/me & my parents about my "shameful habit" of putting my hand between my legs while reading.

That was actually one of my top 5 most embarrassing moments, that meeting w/my kindergarten teacher.

When did you realize "the stranger" could also be a fun technique to perform on yourself?

^ this technique is very overrated, btw.

But the Cure based a song on The Stranger, it can't be that bad...

I just conjured up a horrible image of Camus performing "the stranger" on me.

6-10. taking the "oh shit touching this stuff is awesome" aspect to heart here, capability to make it not be a frustrating fucking waste of time came later.

i do not understand this "stranger thing" perhaps my last 20+ years have been WASTED

11-12 iirc

"The stranger" = using your non-favored hand. xp

maybe i am missing something here but why bother

indeed

have had a lot of shitty handjobs in my life, why give myself one? xpost

shitty handjobs is gonna be the name of my garage rock combo btw

I didn't get an orgasm from fooling around w/myself until I was 17.

really don't think this is that late or anything, i had a gf who'd not had one til she was23, pretty mild mannered liberal portland home, just kind of not that in touch w/herself or whatever

Age 10, I think. Fifth grade at least. I had long been in the habit of sticking my hand down my pants to relieve discomfort. A familiar parental refrain of my childhood was "Kingkongvsgodzilla, stop playing with yourself in public!"


Anyway, I was working on a history report about Theodore Roosevelt (still my favorite president) before dinner one night. BonJovi's New Jersey was on the boombox. And I was relieving that uncomfortable feeling.

Soon I discovered that that relief had turned to something very different. I'm gonna leave out any further details, except that for about 5 minutes afterward, I was concerned that it might be some kind of medical emergency.

summer before secondary school, so 11. thought i'd discovered it, tbh.

I really have no recollection of it. Happened in my early teens is the best I can say.

i actually remember the exact moment. I remember afterwards feeling all ashamed and saying "I am not doing that again!" (this was my brief period of time in the Christian church).

I did it again the next day.

"The stranger" = using your non-favored hand. xp

― Johnny Fever, Thursday, April 22, 2010 2:32 PM (6 hours ago) Bookmark

hmm I've always thought the stranger was sitting on your hand until it fell asleep and then proceeding as usual

there's also the reverse stranger

Someone else's left hand?

someone else's severed hand

http://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h116/neluxe/GaelBigHands.jpg

because, you know, it's really big...

well no, you sit on your dick so that it feels like you're giving somebody else a handjob!

just rhythmically slapping it off your stomach like a horse does it tbh

Was 14, middle of night, having snuck downstairs to watch some Dutch football on Channel 5

― acoleuthic, Thursday, 22 April 2010 05:10 (9 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

http://i40.tinypic.com/641amd.jpg

11-12 the night after getting an enthusiastic lecture from a classmate who 'discovered' it btw.

damn that's good work

xp, like

http://media.musictoday.com/store/bands/1965/product_medium/MUDD429.JPG

the night after getting an enthusiastic lecture from a classmate who 'discovered' it btw.

― tart w/ a heart (a hoy hoy), Thursday, April 22, 2010 9:11 AM (3 hours ago) Bookmark

^^

12, methinks.

Surmounter the shower thing is really pretty simple tbh. Detachable head on the stronger setting, aim, shoot.

i really wish i'd had a detachable showerhead.

i grew up catholic. 1st orgasm was in my 20s.

pleased (or displeased) to see nobody's first wank was in church...

Surmounter the shower thing is really pretty simple tbh. Detachable head on the stronger setting, aim, shoot.

― Aqua Backrat (ENBB), Friday, April 23, 2010 1:57 AM (6 hours ago) Bookmark

startling close to the male process

my head is not detachable, thank you

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byDiILrNbM4

http://visualfunhouse.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/floating-head-optical-illusion.jpg

i really wish i'd had a detachable showerhead.

i grew up catholic. 1st orgasm was in my 20s

lol - me too! All girls' catholic hs no less. Also didn't have detachable head - just used bath stream. Guess I was really resourceful or just damn horny.

too much? sorry. :/

no, it just caused a chain wank reaction with the guys itt that just read that....

hahah moving on, my answer is 12.

cattle grind, you can hold the rest of ilx to a higher standard than yourself

well obv i wasn't wanking since I was writing that message, i haven't mastered the reacharound-cum-typing multitask yet....

that'll do

worst wank

when i watched my first lesbian porn movie and inadvertently hit my FSU pillow with collateral damage....

tmi on tmi

as far as I know I'm the only guy to have had serious technique problems. After a few years, from age 14 or 15 onwards, of fiddling around with not much in the way of anything resulting, one day aged 18 w/ my girlfriend it was all like "woah so that's how it works." And I've never stopped since.

Probably connected to my inability to ride a bike.

just used bath stream. Guess I was really resourceful or just damn horny.

From the stories I've heard, the bath stream is pretty common in the general female experience, detachable shower heads being seen as a luxury item in some households.

We had one bath, 4 brothers, 6 years between us

don't really want to think about masturbation in the bath.

So the tub just becomes this stew of dried semen.

well certainly that was the clarification that nobody wanted/needed

stew of dried semen

Six-to-ten for me, and probably closer to the six end of the spectrum. And I wasn't just idly making my little tiny stiffy go "sproing!" for the fun of it... ok, sometimes I was. But I learned how to... ahem... come full circle at a very early age. I have memories of being at most seven or eight, with my grandmother knocking on the bathroom door loudly asking what on earth I was doing in there. I don't think she suspected what I was actually doing, because what seven-year-old does that? And nobody notices a tiny amount of missing Vaseline. I hope not.

Or I used whatever was handy in there; I did learn pretty damn fast that the grandparent's bathroom had many hidden perils. I do not recommend Blue Star ointment. Or anything else anti-fungal or mentholated. Man, did those people have a lot of anti-fungal balms. You'd think that without constant ointments, they'd turn into Swamp Thing or something.

I've been dealing w/foot fngus for the last few months. Swamp Thing not far from my pre-ointment predicament. Hope it never happens to you.

I know. Poor grandpa. I'm not making fun... the man had some serious toenail issues.

But back to the ol' yankovik:

Thanks to Our Savior, I felt guilty about what I was doing long before I had any names for it, even dirty ones. It was just somehow wrong, and I was sure of it. When I reached puberty, at the age that other boys were just discovering the joys of self-stimulation, I was thinking to myself, "I'm a grown-up now. Finally I'll be able to cut out all this nonsense and find other things to do." Oh, the things kids think.

stew of dried semen

― dyªº (dyao), Friday, 23 April 2010 09:50 (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Used to present "Crackerjack"

Surmounter the shower thing is really pretty simple tbh. Detachable head on the stronger setting, aim, shoot.

This works for boys, too, btw. :)

y'all have really sensitive dicks, or i'm missing something

You're missing something. Get more water pressure.

aaaah-- circumcision?

No thanks, I've already had mine.

well, that'd be the point

no, you'd be missing the point then

well, at least part of it

ok let's not lose our heads over this, guys

tbh i think you're being a little thin skinned

I'm just covering my base here

I really tried to think of one more dick joke, but I couldn't do it.

try harder, the joke needs to be extended

Yeah, I don't need to help you guys out, either. You got this one.

Bath stream, age 7 or so. Although the build-up was the enjoyable part, and the ending was of negligible interest. Wondered for maybe a decade and a half what all the fuss was about because the end result was so brief as to be unnoticeable.

4 or 5. Don't know if I discovered it myself or was "shown how" by one of the many child predators my sometimes-abusive parents hooked me up with. Terribly sad, I know.

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

17. After I lost my virginity. Weird, right?

something to think about.