Desert Island Type of Sex

you're limited to one type of sex for the rest of eternity.

it's called marriage amirite fellas /obligatory sitcom gag

it would likely be sandy huh, amirite?

not gonna go public w/my answer but I voted

that's all I'm sayin

sounds like a butt man to me

chose oral bcuz it's most inclusive & also the best

I chose but I'm also hoping a crate of sex toys washes ashore

sorry just bud light but you could get creative

ounds like a butt man to me

― iatee, Friday, May 21, 2010 12:59 AM (6 minutes ago) Bookmark

pro·jec·tion
   /prəˈdʒɛkʃən/ Show Spelled[pruh-jek-shuhn] Show IPA
–noun
1.
a projecting or protruding part.
2.
the state or fact of jutting out or protruding.
3.
a causing to jut or protrude.
4.
the act, process, or result of projecting.
5.
Cartography. a systematic construction of lines drawn on a plane surface representative of and corresponding to the meridians and parallels of the curved surface of the earth or celestial sphere.
6.
Photography.
a.
the act of reproducing on a surface, by optical means, a remote image on a film, slide, etc.
b.
an image so reproduced.
7.
the act of visualizing and regarding an idea or the like as an objective reality.
8.
something that is so visualized and regarded.
9.
calculation of some future thing: They fell short of their projection for the rate of growth.
10.
the act of communicating distinctly and forcefully to an audience.
11.
Psychology.
a.
the tendency to ascribe to another person feelings, thoughts, or attitudes present in oneself, or to regard external reality as embodying such feelings, thoughts, etc., in some way.
b.
Psychoanalysis. such an ascription relieving the ego of a sense of guilt or other intolerable feeling.
12.
the act of planning or scheming.
13.
Alchemy. the casting of the powder of philosophers' stone upon metal in fusion, to transmute it into gold or silver.

lol u both like buttz

^^ also butt voter

this is gonna be a landslide innit

buttslide

are there any straight guys on this thread who are actually voting butt

serious q

well ok that's actually a pretty liberal use of the word "serious" but still

guys you are stuck on a desert island not Butte, Montana

stuck in the butte amirite

predicting right now that this thread will be epic with about four people actually disclosing their votes & going into detail about why they voted that way

anyone who cannot name all four of those people without clues deserves permaban from ilt

otm

LOL

thread sure is taking its time about becoming the epic talkaround fest I predicted

Everybody's researching so they can cast an informed vote.

question, will pets be allowed on the island

NO THEY WILL NOT

answer, :o

and gbx steps up to the plate

never wanted to see gbx's :o face

but it turned out not to be that traumatic after all

oh god no what have I done

Honest answer? "Whacking off" or the female equivalent you get the idea because it's guaranteed to have a good ending.

I dunno, I watched Mulholland Drive the other night and it just seemed to make Naomi Watts miserable.

1/4

:)

(please specify)

Dude I am a mod of this here damn bored so I feel it's my duty to be honest.

haha no I meant the first of the Four has posted

I know!

since it's not a real desert island you aren't the only one left, right? so the one you pick could be difficult to find (people have the choice of doing sex with people other than you) so i think everyone should pick whacking off just to be safe

^ also took that into consideration

yeah do you get to pick who your partner is?

you can choose left or right hand

http://www.frankenmuthcity.com/police/signals.jpg

wait is this like the prisoners dilemma

wait this could possibly be a desert island with, like, cities, and whole populations, and I only get to have one kind of sex? this is a weird island imo

desert island circle jerk would be so unsatisfying

this is actually the set up for a posthumously published piece by borges

GBX if I'm 1/4 that means I'm pretty sure you're grouping me in with Kenan and idk how I feel about that tbh. No offence Kenan.

since it's not a real desert island you aren't the only one left, right? so the one you pick could be difficult to find (people have the choice of doing sex with people other than you) so i think everyone should pick whacking off just to be safe

― Guns, Computer, The Internet (harbl), Thursday, May 20, 2010 10:21 PM (2 minutes ago)

hmm, I assumed it was a real desert island & you'd be able to build a sex partner out of sand, palm fronds, coconut shells, dead fish, and bits of seaglass.

but hey, I'm literal minded like that, so whatevs.

wait this could possibly be a desert island with, like, cities, and whole populations, and I only get to have one kind of sex? this is a weird island imo

well duh yeah cmon you only get to do it one way 4eva, this isn't normal
town

if i pick one of the other ones, what will happen if i later try to Whack Off

i.e will a mod stop me or something

okay that's fair. fwiw both dictionaries I just checked seem pretty including of non-PIV acts as well.

however the oxford concise did seem pretty bent on including 'penetration' in the definition

Which is interesting, and does expose a weakness in crut's definition. Lot's of things exchange sex cells without fucking.

I like the amphibians/fish species whose females lay the unfertilized eggs first, and then the male drops by later to spew all over them. seems so polite

Those fish voted "hand".

http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/537163/sexual-intercourse

reproductive act in which the male reproductive organ (in humans and other higher animals) enters the female reproductive tract. If the reproductive act is complete, sperm cells are passed from the male body into the female, in the process fertilizing the female egg and forming a new organism. In some vertebrates, such as fish, eggs are laid outside of the body and fertilized externally.

i.e. sexual intercourse is a specific way in which sexual reproduction is achieved, but not the only way

so if the fertilization was not successful, can it still be called sexual intercourse? or would you say incomplete sexual intercourse?

still sexual intercourse

If there's a male tab A inserted into a female slot B, it's sexual intercourse. Jeez, no wonder it sounds so clinical. I naturally select not to ever call it intercourse.

different horses...

Better: "Riding the F train"

"Riding the F train" means dick-in-pussy? Sooooo heteronormative.

Het-tastic.

lol morbs lives on the f line

Anyone can ride. If you got the tunnel, honey, we got the train.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_syx9xNct6bQ/SLAPJkX9fkI/AAAAAAAAADA/9Fx7dZ875eM/s400/F+Train.jpg

The intimacy comes from being able to see each other's feces, kiss, hold hands and so on while doing it.

Things were getting pretty hot last night with my gf when all of a sudden the phrase "mysteries of rectal permeation" popped up in my head and ruined me for a good 10 minutes.

victory

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

can we get a widget that tells us how many times we tried to vote because our preference was so strong we didn't want to not weigh in

lol u totally voted oral

lol with the organ I voted with

i always get excited when these polls are closing because i get some small insight into all you disgusting heathens and your "sex acts"

no "ice cold washcloth draped around the genitals to silence the stirrings of the devil", no credibility

respect to MN, keeping it realer than real

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

only two people would "whack off" for eternity?

as vs. the possibility of sex w/another person? I should hope so

i only voted for it because i was hedging my bets

harbl I will totally do you on this desert island

yeah see the thing that got left out of the info at the beginning of this poll is that i get to pick who yer all getting it from for maximum lols

oh yeah!!!!!

xpost

curse this jjjusten infested island where I am blowing jjjusten in eternity

intercourse people i hope you like chimps is all i am saying

xpost ahhahahahhaha

Butt 2

WHAT

were all the gays voting Intercourse out of protest or something

oh lol xp

actually, quite a few of the gays presumably voted Oral. enough bigotry from me

no "ice cold washcloth draped around the genitals to silence the stirrings of the devil", no credibility

― CUSE EX MACHINA (jjjusten), Thursday, 27 May 2010 22:52 (Yesterday) Bookmark

not to silence stirrings as such, but to cool down between rounds it's a beaut tactic

lol @ me and Harbl. I thought our logic was pretty sound and that we'd have more company to be honest.

i'm the only person in the room repping for handjobs. ah well, not the first time, won't be the last.

if you're the only person in the room, how are you getting the handjobs... ?

there's always other people in the room, i'm just the only one suggesting handjobs

Is this an old joke? The one about the guy in the ship that sinks and so he swims to a desert island? He lives in peace for a few weeks, lives on coconuts and tropical fruits, finds a spring of fresh water, builds a hut for himself. Then, one day, he goes for a long walk and sees this woman on a nearby beach. He walks closer to her. She's naked on a blanket in the shade of some palm trees, wearing sunglasses, and, lo and behold, it's Cindy Crawford. Cindy Crawford! And he waits for her to wake up, and then he walks up to her, and, lo and behold, Cindy Crawford was on the same ship that sunk, and she swam to the island as well. So they start talking, share fruits and coconuts, build a fire. And they hit it off. The guy senses some chemistry, makes a move, and they make passionate love, fall asleep on the beach, wake up, do it again, eat a pineapple, fuck again; nap, fuck, nap.

After a while, Cindy starts to notice that the guy is distracted during lovemaking. Distracted and puzzled when he watches her, naked, approaching the fire with dry grass, or collecting shells for her shell collection, and definitely as they do the do.

She says, "Is anything wrong? Is there anything I can do?"

The guy says nothing.

Next night, she asks the same question.

This time, the guy says, "Well, there is one thing you can do."

"What's that? What's that?"

"Well..."

"Yes?"

"You could..."

"Yes?"

"Tonight, when you join me in my hut..."

"Yes?"

"You could put some mud and some grass on your face."

"Okay."

"And you could call me Steve."

"Steve."

"Yes."

"Okay."

"Yes?"

"Okay."

So, night falls. There's a fire blazing outside the hut. Cindy arrives, grass and mud on her face, forming a beard.

"Welcome in," says the guy.

"Hi there," Cindy says, in a deep voice.

"Is that Steve?"

"Why, yes. Yes, this is Steve."

"Steve. Steve. Listen. You won't believe this, but: I'm fucking Cindy Crawford."

You could call yourself Steve, that is.

I've read that joke before on ILX, except then it was about Natalie Portman. But it's a good joke anyway.

I've heard a similar one but it revolves more around an obstinate camel tbh

It's a happy joke, that one...

in my version of that joke both parties die of starvation and are eaten by scavengers before they meet each other

yeah, but don't let's dwell on yr failure as a standup comic, you're doing pretty good now man, it's a living, y'know, chin up.

you don't understand, failed at comedy is the name of my dog

i guess you really 'screwed the pooch' with that one.