choose your favorite from among wikipedia's list of non-penetrative sexual acts

I just wanna say lol @ simple english wikipedia:

http://simple.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_intercourse
Sexual intercourse is the natural and most common way to make a baby. It involves a man and woman having sex without birth control until the man ejaculates semen from his penis into the woman's vagina.

thanks for the mammaries

Is it just me, or does it seem like (if you're accustomed to using your hands) a "footjob" would be impossible to perform on anyone (except perhaps a foot fetishist) with any degree of success? It's hard to control the motion of one's feet with any degree of nuance.

I really love the drawing wikipedia has posted to illustrate frottage. It has a good color scheme.

which one of these is tit-fucking?

mammary intercourse obvvvvv

ilx has becum simple english

i used to say i wanna do it in ur armpit but now i can say i wanna axillary u

sumatra and tribalism sound intersting

Is it just me, or does it seem like (if you're accustomed to using your hands) a "footjob" would be impossible to perform on anyone (except perhaps a foot fetishist) with any degree of success? It's hard to control the motion of one's feet with any degree of nuance.

― frozen cookie (Abbott), Sunday, May 23, 2010 5:19 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark

I imagine if that was your "thing" you would develop the fine motor skills over time with practice

oh missed mammary intercourse.

That makes it sound much less dirty and interesting.

xp I mean, imagine if footjobs were your thing, and then you invited this guy over:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QUhmnkBJF4

I imagine you'd be in for a real "feet"!

I don't even know what two of these mean.

it will be on the mod test, better study up!

Wow I just learned something.

My answer is mutual masturbation fwiw.

Sumata, I was just explaining to my girlfriend, is what some strippers do in the less regulated clubs, sometimes cleverly hiding what they are doing, sometimes not much bothering. It's the ol' $50 lap dance.

Yes, that's one of the ones I just learned. It's also the way some really unfortunate teens get preg thinking that since they're not actually having sex, nothing bad can happen.

If I am ever downloading adult entertainment, it's usuually tribbing videos.

Yeah to be completely honest the hottest porn I ever saw was one that exclusively involved tribbing.

It's such a niche thing that a frequent bonus is it has less artifice than many other videos where two women are one the same bed.

Yes, true. Also the first time I was with another woman that was what happened. She basically took the lead and I was like oh wow so this is how girls sometimes do it. It was a huge learning experience. Maybe that's why I like it so - it reminds me of that experience which was pretty exceptional and formative at the time. Also, and I have to add this because it's so damn perfect and funny, said experience occurred after we'd seen an Ani DiFranco show together. LOL.

I should have included floating in this poll y/n

Rather than actually engaging in back and fourth penetration, a mormon male will leave his penis in a mormon female's vagina and just let it float there for an extended period of time. This is a very popular ritual practiced by millions of happy mormon couples everywhere. Ussually during this extreme act of closeness, the male and the female will talk about mundane things and scriptures they have read about in their place of worship. Its great bonding experience and doesnt effect their chances of getting into heaven.

pretty fascinated by that one, something about it seems so intimate - we had a thread about it a while back

hah yeah that's where I heard about it! was shocked to see that that thread is nearly 5 months old how time flies :/

however whenever I picture it I can't get this [Removed Illegal Link] (link NSFW, click at your own peril, etc.)

oh well I guess it wasn't meant to be

idk, I'd think I'd have at least heard whispers about that in my Mormon days, but I never did. This makes me skeptical that it's A Thing.

are there any ex-Mormon sex jokes whose punch line is "pray about it"?

Boy, if someone made some, I would be in heaven. Which is the only way I'll get to experience it as I've damned myself a bit by leaving the church, you know.

Penis-to-penis rubbing? Soooooo homonormative.

Mutual masturbation has always seemed like an oxymoron to me.

If I am ever downloading adult entertainment, it's usuually tribbing videos.

― frozen cookie (Abbott), Sunday, 23 May 2010 03:12 (Yesterday)

the only lesbian porn i enjoy is this

and it's gotta look natural too

are the scissor sisters a reference to tribbing?

yes

the only lesbian porn i enjoy is this

and it's gotta look natural too

― acoleuthic, Monday, 24 May 2010 11:32 (8 hours ago)

or you wanna get in there and tell them they're doing it wrong?

"No no no, this is silly. You, Alisia with an "s"... you can't eat her pussy and talk at the same time. And breathing heavy on it doesn't count. And you, Sindy with an "s"... close your mouth, fer chrissakes. You're going to catch flies."

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

My fave isn't on here! Filling a bathtub with warm, deep water, then holding a good handheld showerhead slightly under the water surface aimed at her sweet spot, which should also be underwater. As she's nearing climax, I'll manipulate the faucet controls to deliver sudden, alternating, brief bursts of hot or cold water about once per second before quickly returning to warm water. Drives women into ecstasy.

Yikes, I just gave away my signature sex move! The things I'll do for ILXers....

I never knew "floating" had a name! I did this with my gf from my 3rd year of college, who was my first real romantic relationship. I shared my dorm room with this guy who was nerdy and annoying, but had one redeeming quality: he always went back to his parents' house over the weekends, which gave me and my gf privacy. So we're in bed getting busy when suddenly my roomie chooses *that* Saturday night to sleep in our dorm room for the first and only time, barging in unexpectedly. I was so stoked about hooking up with someone I was actually in love with for the first time in my life, and we were in no mood to stop. What to do? Stay connected, and move *so* slowly that our movement was undetectable since we were under the covers and the light was out, so my roomie would think we're just sleeping. We had to also be careful not to make any noises. We were in a side-by-side position, which lends itself to this sort of slow-motion, almost no-motion sex, and remains my favorite position to this day. We stayed like that for almost an hour (or at least it felt like that long). Perhaps because this occurred during the formative period of my sex life, and because I still have a place in my heart for this girl, I grew to love this sort of relaxed, prolonged, wonderfully sensual approach to lovemaking, even though I long ago got my own room. It may look boring, but it feels great!

P.S. - Is "dry humping" not the biggest misnomer ever to describe a sex act? Has anyone here ever done this and stayed dry?

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

^^^^awesome post, also slow-mo sex, or even near-stationary sex, can be SO intimate if it's with someone you love

at my age i can only do slo-mo sex etc etc

needs a gif of dennis hopper's rabbit-shagging in blue velvet

I don't understand how mammary intercourse can be pleasurable for the woman (except in the passive 'how nice that this guy seems to really enjoy rubbing a phallic object or penis between the partner's breasts' kind of way).

well heck you think we enjoy giving backrubs?

yeah i mean i know im lucky for my breasts are small and humble but ppl enjoy weirder shit

mammary intercourse is sort of silly, imo. not that i haven't done it, but that is mainly because guys get excited because I have big boobs, not because it is so enjoyable for me.

My boobs are really too far apart from one another for it to even work./

For a moment I thought I posted that to I Love Cooking & I got terrified.

some of us could incorporate that in a recipe

although i say that, i suspect i may have trouble sleeping because of it.

mammary intercourse is somewhat onesided, it's true.

and in fairness anybody else in my position would have downed a fifth of old crow before reporting for duty on those nights, too

hah hah I see what you did there

underrated aerosmith whose bums I have loved

suggest ban is --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------V btw

it's only half as long as i thought it was

think I'm gonna get drunk and listen to the cock & ball torture wikipedia article a few times, who's with me

What blows my mind is that the wiki entry suggests using a penis or phallic object in "mammary intercourse"*. It's like zero-sided, then, just as weird as in ostensible "lesbian" porn where these women are gamely deep-throating dildoes. What an existential crisis!

*(agreed that this is awkward but equal & opposite awkward for me is the word "tittyfucking")

Also, I enjoy the cum shot in their illustration – it's mostly in this lazy little puddle that looks like it barely moved, and at the same time there's some on her cheek. How did this one bit get enough vigor to go that far?

I knew somebody who would point to girls and say "she needs a good titty fuck" but sometimes it sounded like "pity fuck" so I would always get confused

"those tits, they don't look like they've been irritated enough"

that bit on the cheek are obviously the ones who would have had front row tickets to the egg xxp

it's possible he was changing terms depending on the lady?

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/169/464534411_ef797fc369.jpg

yeah let's reboot cock and ball torture

so glad the word "titty" has yet to permeate the british vocabulary to any significant degree.

Titty = best known as one of the Swallows from those Arthus Ransome books :D

*Arthur

oh god, Swallows

MY CHILDHOOD HAS BEEN RAVAGED

it has long hence been ravaged by association, lj

I think I'm going back
To the POPPAGE I loved so well
In my youth

I think I'm returning to
The DRAG-PAGEANT when I was young enough
To know the truth

let me get my glans
on your mammary glands

wait in England they have children's books with a character named Titty and he belongs to a group who call themselves the Swallows? somewhere in the mists of history an American is collecting a bet and saying "I told you they'd go for it"

it's a she but yeah

the character named Titty is a she - yes, of course - I bet that was the part where the other guy says "double or nothing, I can make the character a girl & still leave the meeting with a fat new contract"

Arthur Ransome was a KGB spy when he wasn't coming up with charming childish japes round the Norfolk Broads, not a man you'd fuck with

to the contrary back in my dating days I can't count the # of times a fine lass would say to me "what ho, have intercourse with my mammaries, [underrated aerosmith]"

not individual times, but I could count the number of fine lasses that invited or initiated this, on fewer than two hands

"I have killed men whose bodies will never be found. The character's name is 'Titty.'"
"--yes, Mr. Ransome."

hahahahaha

might as well go to bed in fits of laughter

I gotta agree that titty fucking is kinda dull. I guess it can provide the sort of kinky, "doing it porn style" excitement for the first couple of times you do it, but the actual sensation isn't that awesome, even if the girl has D cup boobs. I'd definitely pick mutual masturbation or handjob over mammary intercourse. I wonder how many of the 11 voters actually enjoy doing it regularly?

Tuomas, surely you're the last dude that needs to be BRAGGIN'?

Bragging about what?

No need to be sockish, we're all adults here.

Ugh, fine, welcome to ILTMI or w/e, but...

Some women, I've found, who've become probably over-fixated on their breasts, by virtue of having to deal with them from a very young age, and thus largely defining their sexuality through them, really, really like that sort of focus on them. In moderation, obviously.

This is an overly verbose way of saying "it wasn't my idea!"

uh

ILTMI turned into a Sex Grammar Nazis board so slowly I never even noticed

Hey Ransome wasn't a KGB spy, he just married Trotsky's secretary. Also Titty's the second-best character in those books.

yeah behind the lead Amazon whose name I've clean forgotten

Also Titty's the second-best character in those books.

agreed, Ballsack is the true hero of the series

rev wilberforce arsespelunker was a personal fave

Honore The Ballsack

Oral stimulation of nipples 2

Recount

voters- left nipple, right nipple

docking

god, that post about slo-mo sex was so OTM.

also, frottage is rad.

not feeling it, tbh

I hope when people have slo-mo sex they also do crazy deep so-mo sludge voices. "oooohhhhhrrrrrr yaaaaahhhhhhhhhhrrrrruuuuuhhhhhh"

You mean like when people used to play 'Bionic Man'?

Actually the "boi-oi-oi-o-ioi-oi-nnnnnnnnng!" effect is much like Mark & Lard's 'David Bowie Erection Sound'