Morning After Etiquette

I recently hooked up with this guy I've hung out with a couple times, and made out with once before. And I slept over at his place, and the next morning, he proceeded to turn on the TV and his computer and start reading/posting on a message board without even a "good morning." I was kinda taken aback by it, and figured he just wanted to go about his business and good morning sex wasn't an option, so i just got dressed and left. Is this behavior really rude, kinda rude, or perfectly okay? I'm female btw.

I believe Miss Manners would say he was being a bad host.

A good host acknowledges their guest's presence, at the very least.

Before we can take sides: was the message board ILX?

if so, perfectly okay
if it was the jedi council forum that's totally rude

it was not ILX

this isn't an attempt to shame anyone here. I talked to a few friends about it afterwards, and one said "OMG that is so rude!" and another said that he did the same thing sometimes.

I think you should actually write Miss Manners on this one. Last week she wrote about the etiquette of penis-shaped cakes, so I don't think it's entirely unlikely she'd cover this.

how long does it take for her to answer? by that time the issue could be moot

I think writing Miss Manners, like planting trees, is something you do for the benefit of the future.

Some people are not used to have other folks in their personal space in the morning and just don't know that there's a social convention related to talking to people when they first get up. Or they know and don't care or think it's stupid.

Personally, I think he was being rude, but I guess it boils down to why it matters. Are you wondering if it was so rude that you should no longer pursue sleeping arrangements with this person? Naw. If you end up in something resembling a relationship, you can teach him the social convention. I recommend something along the lines of, "It makes me feel kind of jilted when you don't even say, 'Good morning!' to me when we wake up. Plus I like to do it in the morning."

If you're wondering whether his lack of social grace signals a lack of interest in further hanging out, maybe, but I would want to put it in context with other behavior.

WHOA what did Miss Manners say about penis shaped cakes??

I just posted it on this thread: Miss Manners - C or D?

"I am mortified that she might make the same penis cake for me."

mastering the art of making huge, 3-foot penises

pretty darn rude, I'd say. anybody who's too caveman to even say "'morning" deserves all the scorn Miss Manners can muster

He should have at least given you a cup of coffee.

if anyone has a hot girl waiting for them in their bed, they'd probably be better off not posting to a messageboard

i don't know why one wouldn't take the opportunity to go the double shift

This is so strange. So you didn't even say hi or anything at all? Literally got dressed and left in total silence? I have experienced a couple of extremely awkward morning afters one of which involved the forgetting of each others names (lolcollege) but even then we both forced some niceties and small talk. In short - this dude sucks.

tbh tho it's kind of weird, too, if you did in fact follow his lead and exit in silence, without a hello of your own.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking too. If the other person didn't initiate conversation I certainly would have. Not saying anything just seems like it would up the awkward factor tremendously.

this strikes me as completely unforgivably horrible, but a lesser-known thing about me is that I'm pretty much a hopeless romantic about relationships, so ymmv

My admittedly limited in experience method is to awkwardly feign being asleep until the other person wakes up, and then kind of say good morning and see where it goes from there. Which really sucks if you can't sleep because it's not your bed and you're sleep-deprived.

Hold up - I thought this was a random one time thing but now realize that the OP had hooked up with the person previously and knew him. That's even worse imo.

What a fucking asshole. Even if I somehow got in a situation where I ended up spending the night in a train car with a stranger, just me and him, if I woke up in the morning I'd at least say "hello". Without even doing it or anything. And after sleeping with someone, in your own house? And not saying anything? wtf

you should nickname this dude iceblood killah, he has a hole in the social skills section of his brain

It's unclear whether the OP got porked but imho:

Girl you got done dirty and you know it wtf are you even bothering asking about this? Dudes who are into you will be making you breakfast, or taking you to Waffle House after trying 2-3x to tap it FATIW.

Stay away from internet msg board people is my greatest advice.

What's weird to think about is that maybe the dude was writing about the previous night's sexcapades on his msgboard's equivalent to iltmi

PORKED LOLLLLLLLLL <3

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OnDT6Qz_CQc

oops

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OnDT6Qz_CQc

ugh why isn't that working :(((

Girl you got done dirty and you know it wtf are you even bothering asking about this? Dudes who are into you will be making you breakfast, or taking you to Waffle House after trying 2-3x to tap it FATIW.

Sorry but I agree. That is a total truth bomb. :/

My 3 essential rules as a single woman:
1. Never go back to your place. Always go to theirs.
2. Never stay the night. In fact, leave asap.
3. Get their number but dont give them yours.

Morning after etiquette should be wake up alone.

Pretty good rules imo but the staying the night is bound to happen eventually.

A+ candlelight breakfast @ the waffle house, I mean what is sweeter than breakfast with somebody you shared a night with? don't understand ppl tbqf, not trying to front like I am mr. sensitive ok but I just do not see the upside in being a fuckin' boor.

x-post - If it progresses at all which it seems the OP thought it had.

Whoa, that is some hard stuff. I take it these are hook-up rules and not what goes for someone you might get into a relationship with?

Xx-post

My m.o. Is like Shasta's only with a local Waffle House equivalent

i can't even picture this. did he awake, ignore you being awake, get up, dressed, and on with his day? did he grab a tv remote and a laptop right there in bed? maybe he got up with you asleep and was waiting for you to come hang out? i can't picture how this went down.

ugh why isn't that working :(((

bcz yr a mod?

o is that why? lol. i have so much to learn. the link works so that'll have to do for now. \(·_°)/

If you are a mod, it just appears as a link to you. Same with images.

this is a hook-up situation, no? i would totally expect this sort of behavior.

Oh but everyone else sees it embedded? The more you know.

This sounds a bit like the "shit I regret screwing u so maybe if I act like a dick and ignore you, you will get the hint and go away"

Cos some people are cowardly arseholes and would totes do this.

^^^bingo!^^^^

that could be a harsh take on someone overcompensating on a "keeping it casual" tip. like "shit we took it to a new level what do i do now panic panic" and it comes out as his acting weird and stupid sort of thing, which is slightly different & much more forgivable imo even tho they both come out as being a dick to someone.

Well thats as may be, but i'm afraid to say that if someone's intent is less asshole and more panic, they gotta work on their style.

twisi, you could at least mumble a word or two to someone you've banged all night before logging into some lame msg board come morning time.

Maybe this guy is deaf and mute and that's why OP fell for him the night before: he looked like a good listener and never disagreed? :-)

mb op wasnt v good in bed & dude felt that, having nothing nice to say, he wld say nothing at all

if anyone has a hot girl waiting for them in their bed, they'd probably be better off not posting to a messageboard

― Mark Ronson: "Led Zeppelin were responsible for hip-hop" (acoleuthic), Tuesday, June 8, 2010 8:15 PM

lol - hcwib = hot chick waiting in bed ??

can we just lock thread @ this?

yeah :/

but he didn't regret screwing her

ilx ladies be stereotyping

sounds like the dude just wanted to be a lonely guy thinking baout things

that is SO not what it sounds like

yeah

I'm sorry but if he was into her he would have tried to get some again in the morning. If not then he's too weird to bother with anyway imo.

Meaning that if he was interested but still got up and went to the computer and didn't even bother to acknowledge her then he obviously has some serious issues the kind I would advise most friends to steer well clear of.

I'm sorry but if he was into her he would have tried to get some again in the morning

Not necessarily. Some dudes aren't morning dudes. Also, after a night of drinking there could be the boiling beer shit factor, very unsexy

OK fine but he wouldn't have completely ignored her presence. I mean seriously come on now.

No, I'm with you (see my hypothetical morning after greeting to strange train dude upthread)! I'm just saying the fact that he didn't try to get some in the morning doesn't mean he wasn't into her.

Ok ok fair point but the rest of his actions pretty much do.

even if he did not try to get some if he was interested he would have at least said "hi" (if not more). fuck this guy. srsly.

Once upon a time I thought I was odd for the next-morning action, thanks for straightening me out, ilx.

Yeah what I'm saying is not the no-morning-sex, its the ignoring completely part. I have actually had a guy do this to me - he invited me over, and then proceeded to sit there playing GTA and not speaking a word to me, til I eventually felt so hideously awkward I got up and left.

Most baffling thing anyone's ever pulled (could he not just say "dont want to see you anymore btw bye" ?)

dont take it personal, some of us just need a little early morning message board action to get the bowels moving

i love next-morning action but i don't expect it bc ime most guys are all sensitive about their morning wood or they are regretting it so i am like, excusing myself promptly or feeling regretful myself and trying to get them out my house.

off topic but one of the very best things about having a steady partner is that you can be like "lol look at my morning wood oh man, I'm going to have to pull the downward dawg"

morning wood is still a weird and amazing thing to me tbh

OK wait that sounds weirder than it is, I think.

who tf are all these guys that don't want it again in the morning?

dont take it personal, some of us just need a little early morning message board action to get the bowels moving

And maybe some food.

I understand this completely and do it myself when I wake up next to MY GIRLFRIEND OF FIVE YEARS. But not the first time you wake up next to a new and tentatively exciting person. Being so out of it that you don't even say Boo is either a way of saying "fuck off" or a way of saying "I'm so clueless and mentally unhealthy that you should probably fuck off for your own good, even though I mean no particular offense by saying that." Either way, off should definitely be fucked.

he didn't get it at night either (xpost)

Because he was too fucked up to get it! Or even want it. At any rate, no one is ever so out of it that they don't know how they FEEL about the person they just woke up next to. And if the first impulse it to avoid you... um... yeah, that's a signal.

I realize I'm not doing much to cushion anyone's emotions about the matter, but... he wants you to go completely away, whether he knows it consciously or not.

And not only that, he's being a big fucking baby about it.

To review, if y'all look through the op info, she slept at sometimes aquaintances house, he was wasted, sex did not occur, it is possible that nothing intimate whatsoever happened, in the morning awkwardness occurred. Why are peeps treating this like a war crime? Lady sleeping at male friends house is not instant "oh gee are we going steady" material, so cut the dude some slack, srsly.

Aldo tbf I am kinda sure that we're all getting trolled here but ymmv

I mean there is no info here that says anything about an implied sexual vibe other than Internet saddos assuming that if a girl sleeps in yer house it's obv BONERTIME

She woke up naked next to him, to be perfectly accurate, so even if there was no "sex", there was something sexual happening in everyone's head at the very least. I'm 100% on that. Also I don't think a thread would have been started if expectations were not a bit higher than what jjj describes.

Ctrl-f "woke up naked" not found,

I suppose I implied that from "got dressed". My possible mistake.

I really don't feel wrong, though. I know how I FEEL after I post something.

Has anyone ever been a roommate to people who are pulling this shit? You wake up and there's some cranky, sad-looking chick you have never seen before in the kitchen looking at the clowns in her coffee, clowns in her coffee and

your male roomie is watching "Fire Walk With Me" in the living room, the scene where Laura Palmer is making some extreme facial scenes in re: her padre? And eating cereal really angrily? That's a fun scene to wake up to.

You see her shirt is a uniform and think, "There's another diner in town I can never eat at with my roommate."

Clouds are the things in coffee.

Why you trying to take the miracles out of coffee?

I am honestly not trying to be a dick here, but to be devils advocate here, if I said that went home with a woman I knew, and when we got to her place she was too drunk to have sex, and when I woke up in the morning she gave me the cold shoulder, I would hope that peeps wouldn't be talking about what a horrible rude monster she was.

I mean, whether I chose to strip down or not,

Abbot, may I affectionately laugh at you for thinking the lyric was "I had a dream there were clowns in my coffee"? Not that it makes much sense either way. But "Clouds in My Coffee" is the title of Carly Simon's box set. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clouds_in_My_Coffee

"Clowns in my coffee" should be shorthand for "drunk in the morning". Like "pink elephants on parade," only early.

I am honestly not trying to be a dick here, but to be devils advocate here, if I said that went home with a woman I knew, and when we got to her place she was too drunk to have sex, and when I woke up in the morning she gave me the cold shoulder, I would hope that peeps wouldn't be talking about what a horrible rude monster she was.

But you'd think it, possibly justifiably, and it's not like anyone's name is being dragged through mud here.

You do whatever you want with my suddenly-shattered lifelong misinterpretation. I don't much care for clowns, so I can't say my heart is too broken by this new, cold reality.

Use your illusion.

Not that it makes much sense either way

swirls of milk, unstirred

That is a pretty boring dream tbh.

xp Right, I know, I've had coffee with milk in it before. But as a metaphor for what?

only people who drink black coffee can have their dreams fulfilled

How does that group intersect with people who wear apricot scarves? I demand a Venn diagram.

I've actually solved this mystery before, on a Chicago thread that I cannot find. The lyric is actually "I had some dreams/They were clouds in my coffee". She's not dreaming about there being clouds in her coffee. Her dreams are dissipating and becoming unrecognizable, like clouds of milk in a cup of coffee. Seen that way, it's not a bad metaphor. Oblique, maybe, but not bad.

MAN is this ever off-topic.

To review, if y'all look through the op info, she slept at sometimes aquaintances house, he was wasted, sex did not occur, it is possible that nothing intimate whatsoever happened, in the morning awkwardness occurred. Why are peeps treating this like a war crime? Lady sleeping at male friends house is not instant "oh gee are we going steady" material, so cut the dude some slack, srsly.

Aldo tbf I am kinda sure that we're all getting trolled here but ymmv

― apparently not the band, but the lifestyle (jjjusten), Thursday, June 10, 2010 5:26 AM (1 hour ago)

it was a 1 am booty call. we got close to having "intercourse" but that did not occur. I'm being completely sincere here, even though "hcwib" is not my real name.

In that case, yeah, his behaviour was complete bullshit. Sorry, wasn't trying to slander you, just working w/the info I had and not making assumptions.