How much information is too much information on a first date?

Do you set boundaries with yourself about what you will and will not talk about before you meet your date? What's a topic your date could bring up quite casually that you'd do a spit-take about?

on a first date with a guy, he told me he believed he was more closely related to insects than to people - i would have done a spit-take, but i was fairly drunk, so any expulsion of liquid would have resulted in the expulsion of the entire contents of my stomach, so my response was just, "Oh, really?"

I thought about this because of that commercial on tv (match.com maybe?) about all the bad first dates that guy goes on. The first woman says something like "do you think I'm marriage material?" and the commercial implies that's over the line. But I could totally see talking about that kind of thing on a first date, assuming it was the result of an ebbing and flowing conversation that just wound up in that place. Now, if it was the first thing she says as we take our seats, that would be different.

I'm of a mind that a conversation can go anywhere provided it gets there naturally. I just wonder if other people set defined limits.

xp okay, that's bad. I hope you got out of there with the quickness.

i agree with you re: "a conversation can go anywhere provided it gets there naturally" - but then, i'm also aware that i'm weird

I wonder if part of my non-shockability thus far is a function of having already talked to the girl in question before actually going on the date. I've never had a blind date. I bet I'd feel much more off-balance in a situation like that.

yeah - insect guy was someone i knew already

lol

A while ago I went on an internet date with a girl who had said in an email that she was "in her twenties". I thought it was a bit weird that she didn't tell me her exact age, but I went on the date anyway. When I saw her in real life, I thought she looked kinda young, so I asked her how old was she exactly. Turns out she was 19, apparently in her opinion that could be rounded up to "twenties". At that moment I kinda wanted to ask "Why the fuck does a 19 year old girl want to go on a date with a guy who's 30?!", but I kept my mouth shut.

^ instead of too much information, I'd say that girl actually didn't offer enough.

Sharing too much information on the first date can be an effective tactic if you're in the market for an LTR. Let the person know the worst things about yourself upfront and if they still come back for a second date, maybe they'll put up with all the other bullshit you'll pull on them.

Turns out she was 19, apparently in her opinion that could be rounded up to "twenties". At that moment I kinda wanted to ask "Why the fuck does a 19 year old girl want to go on a date with a guy who's 30?!",

Young dudes are lame, obv.

what's the legal drinking age in Finland?

18.

in America it's 21

I know.

Young dudes are lame, obv.

Yeah, I get this... But it's a good enough reason for dating someone who's maybe 5 years older than you, not 11.

That's as ridiculous an assertion as I've ever seen you make. What makes a 5-year age difference ok and an 11-year one not...FOR ANYONE BUT YOU?

information wants to be free, tell them everything even if you have to stay up all night

i have all my pertinent embarrassing info in a PDF posted up to wikileaks, tbh

30 year old man goes out on date w/ 19 year old, complains

embarrassing leakage - prob a bad idea to bring up incontinence issues on a first date - unless you're both over 70

That's as ridiculous an assertion as I've ever seen you make. What makes a 5-year age difference ok and an 11-year one not...FOR ANYONE BUT YOU?

Someone who's in his early 20s might be roughly in a same stage of life as someone who's 19. But that generally isn't the case with someone who's in his early 30s.

on a first date with a guy, he told me he believed he was more closely related to insects than to people - i would have done a spit-take, but i was fairly drunk, so any expulsion of liquid would have resulted in the expulsion of the entire contents of my stomach, so my response was just, "Oh, really?"

― sarahel, Tuesday, July 27, 2010 12:26 PM (1 hour ago)

Positively Kafkakian.

Someone who's in his early 20s might be roughly in a same stage of life as someone who's 19. But that generally isn't the case with someone who's in his early 30s.

So what?

"My ancestors were hard-bitten men of the Upper Paleolithic. By the sweat of their brow did they toil, living hard short lives with little comfort. They made crude tools from stone. Can we have sex?"

I mean, the date was suprisingly nice, and we actually saw each other for one more time, but it became quite obvious we weren't doing and expecting the same things out of life.

This is making me think of the part in Ed Wood where he tells the girl he's a cross-dresser on the haunted house ride. It worked for him!

its kafkaesque

xp underaero - "OMG mine were too - let's bone!"

I think it's pretty important for a relationship that both people are roughly in the same mental/developmental stage of their life. Maybe an 11 year difference isn't that much if the other one is 30 and the other 41, but at 19 and 30 it's a vast difference.

tuomas if you were an insect what insect would you be

You see you're moving the goalposts a bit, right? This 11-year difference is okay, that 11-year difference isn't.

would you masturbate in front of a 19 year old?

lollllll

I just don't find you qualified to give out shoulds and shouldn'ts, Tuomas.

xp hahahahaaaaaaaa

I think it's pretty important for a relationship that both people are roughly in the same mental/developmental stage of their life.

Why?

I think it's pretty important for a relationship that both people are roughly in the same mental/developmental stage of their life. Maybe an 11 year difference isn't that much if the other one is 30 and the other 41, but at 19 and 30 it's a vast difference.

Awfully broad, isn't it?

yeah that is bullshit imo

Why do you hate 'Harold & Maude' so much, Tuomas?

some of the most successful relationships have been between somkin' hot middle-aged women and decrepit, on-death's-door b/millionaires

Tuomas, how surprised were you that someone made a masturbating in front of an infant referring joke after your post?

I want somkin hot! (I'm hungry)

You see you're moving the goalposts a bit, right? This 11-year difference is okay, that 11-year difference isn't.

Well yeah... When you're in your late teens/early twenties, the pace of your psychological development tends to be much quicker than when you're in your thirties. A person at 30 and a person at 41 are more likely to be adults both, and not be going some big life changes, so an 11 year difference is not that drastic at an later stage of life.

i dunno - there are generally some pretty big life changes between 30 and 41 - people vary, relationships vary, the function of relationships vary - i think it's not that easy to make those blanket judgments.

I mean, I have empirical proof of this! I went on a date a 19 year old girl! So I'm not sure how you can call it "bullshit".

(x-post)

Yeah, I've seen some put-together college students who are more bearable than their mid-life crisis parents

Emprical proof based on one experiment w/o a control?!

Of course I'm not saying this is always the case... But a difference between an 19 year old and 30 year old is more likely to be bigger than between a 30 year old and a 41 year old.

such relationships are more common than you think

Things not to talk about on the first date:

All the shit that really pisses you off
All the shit that really turns you on
Your mother

being turned on by shitting on your mother

Tuomas: I started going out with my2nd-last bf (the one im now living with again) when he was 21 and I was 32.... that went really well!

I've also dated a 42 year old when i was 21.

hitting older guys means no flatmates too iirc jus sayin

it is clear that we have no scientists in here, everybody knows that the proven acceptable agespan between a couple is the younger half being at least half the age + 7 of the older.

coming out of a long term relationship with someone I was friends with before we got together, I am not familiar with the concept of 'first date'. Would either say nothing at all or tell them about my appalling hygiene in great detail. The latter, probably too much.

i think you should be cloaked in exotic mystique until you have at least managed to move half your clothes into their wardrobe

Hey, I have an actual thread subject related question. I recently bought this t-shirt and personally I think it's great:

http://www.tamstreasuresonline.co.uk/ekmps/shops/tamstreasures/images/the-mountain-cow-t-shirts-665-p.jpg

But I was kinda wondering, would it be too much to wear it on a first date with someone I've never met before? Or should I wear something more conservative?

wear this instead

http://www.8ball.co.uk/tshirts/ifuckonthefirstdatetshirt_1_107463_white-black-print_l.jpg

I think the word "up" is missing there.

I FUCK ON THE FIRST UPDATE

"My ancestors were hard-bitten men of the Upper Paleolithic. By the sweat of their brow did they toil, living hard short lives with little comfort. They made crude tools from stone. Can we have sex?"

Aero, I am going to promise you right now that this is the first thing I will say to you if I ever meet you.

Tuomas: My husband and me are 19 years apart in age, and we've been married for 17 years. And I married in my early twenties, which isn't that much different from 19.

Oh, I've gotten over that issue already, now I need advice on the cow shirt. But it's nice to hear it worked out with you and your husband.

I don't know... does she like incredibly goofy, child-like pop culture?

I think so, yeah.

Tuomas, that cow shirt is incredible. It looks like it came from the farm & ranch supply store in my hometown in Idaho. When I am on a first date, I like to wear something that makes me feel not self-conscious. If you're not totally comfy in the cow shirt, don't wear it, eh?

I gotta give props to Plaxico, who in this thread posted a link to an online store that sells animal print t-shirts by The Mountain. I ended up ordering the cow tee and a manatee tee, might order some more in the future.

In the end I did wear the shirt, and it didn't feel uncomfortable or self-conscious. I'm not sure if there'll be a second date or not, but if not, at least it's not the cow's fault - I think she liked it.

i wanna get one of the kinkade ones

Methinks you guys have given Tuomas way too much shit on this thread for not being down with the age difference between 19 and 30. He's not across-the-board correct, but he has a fair point. Some people mature faster than others (in adolescence and young-adulthood, it's usually the woman), and some people never learn anything, and major differences in maturity and life experience don't make for great equality in a relationship, and therefore not a great relationship. Age is a marker of that, and sometimes a big red flag, though I agree that it shouldn't be the one and only criterion.

I'm 35, and I don't think I'd date a 24-year-old. (Probably not a 46-year-old, either.)

OTOH, if I were in my mid 40's, I'd have no problem at all dating a woman in her mid-30's. Time slows down.

My mom-in-law (who is in her 60s) was telling me how much fun it is to bone younger dudes. She told me there's a "rule" that it's best to match an older women with a man 15 years younger than her. This was like the first time I met her. I said, "Why are you telling me this????"

Yeah, that was my point exactly.

(x-post)

just fyi on all this big T: I'm eight years older than my wife; we have been married now since 1998.

which is a big personal-experience reason why I think Tuomas's "point" is nonsense.

Nobody is saying that age should be the only thing considered, I don't think even Tuomas.

great thread.

hey, nineteen.

we can't dance together.

no we can't moo at all

btw wrt to the actual thread q: all yr info is belong to me, I really don't think anything should be "off-limits", even in first date situations. tho since I understand not everyone agrees, I tend to observe decorum.

"Decorum" is the key word, tho. "Be yourself," sure but what if you're an asshole? Then don't be yourself.

well yeah ADOI

"Asshole" is so very painfully relative.

um, not really, if you think about it

like, if your sense of humor revolves almost entirely around being abrasive and teasing, it shouldn't really shock you if someone calls you an asshole

If you're that kind of asshole, you won't care, because plenty of other people find you hilarious.

Other assholes, I mean.

I think this is the only ILTMI thread I've ever started, so I'm very happy to see it get wildly derailed in the same manner as threads started by ilx0rs more famous than I.

To quote the Pet Shop Boys, sooner or later, this happens to everyone. To everyone.

Things not to talk about on the first date:

All the shit that really turns you on

Explain! That's usu the stuff I want to hear.

I usu fuck before the first date so we can stop after the third.

Have you got it together? If so, how often? Which do you choose, a hard or soft option?

(In a PSB mood, obv.)

Explain! That's usu the stuff I want to hear.

It's the stuff everybody wants to hear, but only when they're interested in fucking you. That has to be established first.

Maybe a gay male date works differently. In fact, from all that I understand, it very often does. The word "courtship" just does not apply.

we rut like monkeys men

If there's no interest, we don't leave home.

This thread deserves a second chance.

OK to share: You are in recovery.

Still OK if you're hitting it off: What your drug of choice used to be, and even how long you've been sober.

Probably not OK: Details on frequency of use and length of addiction

No. Stop.: Details on what a total wreck you used to be and how you are glad you're no longer tweaking while getting barebacked in the sling at the baths.

what if you met the person in NA?

Then you have no business dating them.

Then we have maybe already covered that ground in the meetings. It really ups the ante for what is considered "TMI." I mean, where do you go from "I was a tweaker cum Dumpster"?

I was a tweaker cum dumpster that fantasized about squirrel penises?

My next question would be, "Was it at least good at the moment? And if so, let's do it again, but slower."

The guy who shared approximately the TMI above got started on it b/c we were talking about the Pride parade and I said that my gay friend left me b/c he got drunk and took a guy to his apartment about 10 min after he arrived.

My date got really tense and stern, said that the event I described was disgusting, and then he connected it to his own substance-fueled misadventures.

uh - major difference between drunken hook-up and tweaker cum dumpstering