Dirty Talk

you love it don't you

Where's the "Female, talks dirty every place including the sack" option?

where's the "I talk dirty with the sack in my mouth" option?

umf ungh umf ungh ugh ughhh *disengages* FUCK OFF MY DARLING

sorry, honey, I was speaking to The Beatles, they always seem to play at moments like this

lol I almost made the fifth option "I am the Beatles & fuck you too"

but I knew it would take the poll in a landslide

that's right I said "take the poll"

http://knowyourmeme.com/i/000/052/812/original/Deal_with_it_dog_gif.gif?1275684729

"I'm gonna snuggle you so hard you won't smooch right for a week."

"landslide" is a world of glorious pain in this context

when I was a young lad I used to think "oh won't it sound forced and horrible to hear someone talk like that in flagrante, no way that's actually good, it must be dreadfully embarrassing"

that opinion died a quick & total death one summer afternoon

this is why I've renounced sex until I find some who a) loves me and b) can integrate the art of high communication into congress

I'm basically a potty-mouth so I don't have to change my game up v. far

fuck a partner who filibusters during the act xp

http://i37.tinypic.com/148if5.jpg

we should poll how many ilxors upon seeing that picture reflexively want to set the wine glass upright before it gets broken

guess how I vote in that theoretical poll :(

idk it "depends" on what dirty is, like is dirty just saying basic shit like "oh yeah" which is dirty because of the context, or does have to do some porno purple prose shit like "fill me with every inch of that throbbing hard meat" because frankly I feel very silly doing that

(NB I have never actually said that phrase in any context)

Thanksgiving?

I just saw some spam on Usenet that referred to penises as "bloated manspikes."

Ha, yes, this thread had me open Fanny Hill again: In fine, it might have answered very well the making a skew of; its enormous head seemed, in hue and size, not unlike a common sheep's heart; then you might have trolled dice securely along the broad back of the body of it; the length of it too was prodigious; then the rich appendage of the treasure-bag beneath, large in proportion, gathered and crisped up round in shallow furrows, helped to fill the eye, and complete the proof of his being a natural, not quite in vain; since it was full manifest that he inherited, and largely too, the prerogative of majesty which distinguishes that otherwise most unfortunate condition, and gave rise to the vulgar saying "That a fool's bauble is a lady's playfellow." Not wholly without reason: for, generally speaking, it is in love as it is in war, where the longest weapon carries it.

I'm basically a potty-mouth so I don't have to change my game up v. far

― 'ray Clamence (Noodle Vague), Saturday, August 21, 2010 10:47 PM (Yesterday) [IP: 87.102.41.31] Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

This.

Everything, even dirty talk, has its time and its place imo.

i am really sleepy but unable to sleep and have a bunch of funny things i want to post but know better than to post so this post is a placeholder for those things

oh come on - you can't just write that and not elaborate!

well it's like there's the dirty talk of every day like "today sucked dick, if I do not have a fucking drink right about now I'm going to jump directly out of this fucking window" and that is one kind of dirty talk at which I'd guess many of us have been adept for ages. but that doesn't -- it's really not the same sort of talk that extends to the bwam-chakka-bwam-chakka boudoir scene, you know -- which was where I was like "it's easier to say 'fuck this shit' than it is to say, for example '....'" and then the funny stuff that I'm guessing, once I've had a good night's sleep, I would regret having posted

OTOH now I'm kind of amused at the idea of swearing about what a terrible day it was as a version of bedroom talk

Yeah and you don't actually have the ability to wake up and delete those late night posts. ;p

LOL I was gonna say but didn't want look like I was callin' u out

I was with a guy once that liked me to talk about boring stuff from my day. Math homework was always a big hit. It kind of tamped down the mood for me sometimes.

In bed?? That's really pretty strange.

how dirty are we talking here

I think that dude was trying to get Abbott to help him e.g. concentrate on baseball if you catch my drift

No, no, he'd always come right away when I did it!

That reply felt too earnest, sorry.

here are a few of my "go to" phrases:

This is going to be the filthiest night of your life
I'm dripping wet and gagging for you
Fuck me now!
You look really sexy when you do that...
You can have me any way you want
I'm your sex slave for the evening
I'm naked and I'm touching myself...
You make me so horny
I want you to touch me here...
It drives me wild when you look at me like that
Get the camera!
I'm gonna lick you until you scream
Tie me up and touch me slowly
You taste so good
I want to rub my pussy all over your face
Pound me into oblivion
Fuck me like a porn star
Spray your juice all over my tits
No-one has ever made me come as hard as you

generally speaking Z S speaks for me here too though I usually invert the order of the last 2

then there's always my personal favorite for sex with demi moore in 1992, "go get some gasoline, I want to try to mow down some of your jungle bush and make sure your goods are still down in there somewhere"

hahahah

OMG amazing.

This thread makes me think of that situation guys sometimes run into, the one where a girl is giving you head but not going down to suck on your nuts even though you'd really like her to. So you sheepishly ask, "could you suck my balls?" hoping she will, and then she does, but all you can think about is the sound of your own voice asking "could you suck my balls?".

― Bryan (Bryan), Thursday, December 2, 2004 8:05 AM (5 years ago) Bookmark

abbottt re: mathgasms above kindof altered my worldview a lil

i've heard about that before. i think it was one of those call in sex shows and a girl was complaining about her boyfriend wanting her to talk about banal bs during the act. she was worried he was insane iirc.

Boring talk and mathgasms are kind of the aural equivalent of a woman wearing the unsexiest article of clothing (hunting gear, football jersey, whatever) but then making it the sexiest thing in the world through alchemy. Turning math talk into the sexiest thing in the world can get around the banality of "honey-hole" et al.

Tony Kushner, of all folks, talked about spit working this way. It's gross, it's unsexy, but turning it into a sexy thing is the power of sex. It's alchemy. Or else it's mathgasm.

yep to the last 2 posts

depends on the partner - if she's into it (had one girlfriend for whom spontaneous dirty talk made her orgasms better in some way), sure.

But I don't really care if I'm dirty talked to.

holy shit thx to abbotttts post up there i have put 2 and 2 together and 90% of old school lj posts are channeling a fucking Fanny Hill character

yes i did carefully choose the word "fucking" in that last post btw.

READING + WANKING

Hahahaha jjjusten, welcome to my inner world.

the banal talk during sex thing makes me think of that trope from tv/movies where people are say, discussing their jobs or some recent life event as they begin to mess around and frantically remove each other's clothes and their speech...gets...increasingly...broken up in the midst of the heretofore repressed passion finally becoming unbottled

unless yr faye dunaway in network

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

unless yr faye dunaway in network

"My husband ran off with his boyfriend, and I had an affair with my analyst, who told me I was the worst lay he'd ever had."

One of the deep mysteries of that movie is why hot old man William Holden had any interest in this nut. Maybe because she's up front about being a nut? I mean, she's not THAT hot.

Talking dirty is a function of intimacy, not a function of "dirty".

I like to reassure the guy that I'm enjoying it so he doesn't have to ask the entire time: "Are you into it? Are you into it?".

I think I revealed too much of myself in this thread.

u_u

After nine years here, I don't think I have any secrets left. (Well, maybe one or two....)

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

I can't remember if I voted or not.

poll was a total sword party.

I like that term; it's much better than 'sausage party.'

Is there a term like 'sausage party' but to indicate large groups of mainly women?

'mary kay conventions'

"hen houses"

(there are terms -- all of them are offensive)

The only one I could imagine was "clam coterie," a term I was dissatisfied with in every possible way.

I would eat at an establishment called the Clam Coterie. No pun intended, nor needed.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTbKuU59KF8

It's completely possible that this morning I called my girlfriend a) a navy cum reserve, and b) the cumhole at the center of the galaxy :P

Talking dirty is a function of intimacy, not a function of "dirty".

― kenan, Monday, August 23, 2010 4:19 PM Bookmark

Otm

"I'm gonna call you Alan Greenspan, baby--Chairman of the Federal Cum Reserve"

time and place for it i suppose. For me, one night stands always called for it and I would enjoy it but sometimes I am turned off by it with a long term partner as I have this idea in my head that my partner is "pure". yeah its bullshit.

virgin/whore complex

the banal talk during sex thing makes me think of that trope from tv/movies where people are say, discussing their jobs or some recent life event as they begin to mess around and frantically remove each other's clothes and their speech...gets...increasingly...broken up in the midst of the heretofore repressed passion finally becoming unbottled

― dell (del), Monday, August 23, 2010 11:35 AM (3 years ago)

i totally used to do this when i was in my 20s ....

and faye dunaway from network was a role model