realising the opposite sex thinks, well... you're a bit shit, really.

going the gym on the reg, dressing nicely/keeping up with trends, watching what you eat, trying to be funny/gregarious/interesting, not being borish or pervy, not being too picky or needy...

and still feeling like you're banging your head against a giant wall of LONELY4EVAH

discuss.

blog standard stuff from max r here

went on a date tonight with a v.nice girl i met at a party, was sitting there all night thinking "I AM BORING HER TO DEATH" and couldn't do anything to turn it around, felt like just screaming "YES! I'M RUBBISH, YOU WERE DRUNK! CAN I GO HOME NO PLZ? YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN ME. GOODNIGHT."

maybe this is nature's way of telling me that reproducing would be detrimental to humanity or something.

couple of months ago a girl gave me the excuse she had an "ear infection" and couldn't meet me.

ffs.

you gotta look like this:

http://foreverloyal.files.wordpress.com/2008/01/gollum.jpg

to get an excuse that lame.

maybe i'm an aspie and i don't even know it. i think i'm being laid-back and witty and generally an acceptable excuse for a human being but really i'm sitting there twitching and drooling going "UUHHNNN UUHHHNNN YOU NICE LADY UHHNNN".

i'm pretty sure everybody thinks this sorta thing about themselves if not often then at least from time to time, and also i'm p. sure you only wind up in good relationships by stumbling ass backwards into them.

^^^

honest opinions from real people

I have these moments but I'm convinced they're in my head. Still though that's all it takes.

That's why girls that DO like me generally have to beat me over the head before I figure it out.

You just need to find your appropriate scent, man.

Had a night last night with a guy I've known (and had a crush on) for abt 3 years and now we're both single. The bitch of it is, we slept together last time we hooked up abt amonth ago, but it was a weird mutual self destructive "fuck it lets do something crazy" thing.

Last night he sat there all night saying "put more futurama on!" every time an episode ended. and poking at twitter on his fucking iphone. and not talking to me much.

I feel like a bit of a loser now. Im not sure where I went wrong. He kept making 'lol u old' jokes. Maybe I should take the hint ;/

poking at twitter on his fucking iphone

"Thank you and goodnight" material imo.

I always find it best in these situations to think of the person who clearly isn't into you as a fucking loser with shit taste.

but you were just watching tv, right?

there's a girl that is pretty interested in me right now (it was actually fairly obvious to me this time, but I was actually not looking for anything). I've not completely gotten over my ex (which is sad, we broke up a year ago, but I was quite in love w/ her when it happened). She's acting as my wingman (as I said in another thread), which is weird, but probably good for both of us.

going to a show with the new girl tonight, we'll see how it goes, tho technically I went on a semi-date with her months ago so this is low pressure.

what is a semi-date?

well, I was going to see a showing of Bullitt at the local arty theatre, and didn't have anybody to go with as none of my friends took me up on the invite, and she posted on Facebook saying "hey anybody got anything to do" and I said "join me" and she did, and while we were there, there were, eh, sparks, but I didn't consider it a full fledged date cuz it wasn't planned and kinda evolved into one?

I also didn't want it to go real far, I was two or three months removed from being in a real dark place when it came to that and wanted to make sure I had my head right, and...now I do.

what is a semi-date?

A date where you're sporting a semi the whole time.

I think it's when the semi-date finishes and someone asks you if it was a date or not, and you're uncomfortable with either answer. Or, any night out where one person thinks it's a date and the other doesn't. Or, it's what hookers call encounters at the truck stop parking lot.

someone asks you if it was a date or not

does this happen?

seems like if people were unsure they wouldn't say anything and it'd be pretty clear where things are going from what happens afterwards

idk, just seems weird to be like

person 1: "hey . . . so it was nice seeing you tonight!"
person 2: "was this a date?"

no, no, the person who asks whether or not it was a date is a 3rd party, not the semi-date partner

hahaha, that makes much more sense

although I do think it would be fun to ask someone you just hung out with if it was a date, especially if it's just a friend you've hung out with 1000 times before

loool

'are we going to do sex now'

I think I had a semi-date yesterday but I dunno

shouldve asked imo

either way, I'm taking my next date to watch semis get totally crushed at the monster truck rally

you are a hopeless romantic.

i met my old uni housemate on a night out last year, and asked her out for a drink not even assuming it was a date (two other people were going to come so it was more of a night out). so we meet up again and at the of a pretty fun night she says "hey, i think you're a really nice guy, but you know can only be friends because i'm a a long term relationship, right?" ummm... yeah you told me and showed me pictures of the guy on yr phone the last time i saw you. we spent about half an hour talking about him, remember? it wasn't even awkward it was like "duuuhh!"

way to make me feel like larry bloody david or something.

ah, that's awful!

Sucks just as much when you realize the same sex thinks, well ... you're a bit shit, really.

they probably do.

there's too much competition! too many guys who are in better shape, better looking, cooler, more cash, funnier, more interesting, more together, more intelligent, more confident, more connected. i'm 29 and i may as well be 80 or something. feels like doing anything except sleeping and eating is phony and over-ambitious.

you ever get that look, that sneer from complete strangers? like "huh! you're a bit crap ain't ya mate?."

wow. that reads like a 14 year old wrote it. that's about where i'm up to in terms of emotional maturity.

people with more cash are working more or have more obligations. people who are "ambitious" really just have full schedules. people who are "better looking" might just be self-absorbed.

try finding someone who is low key, enjoys the good things in life, and likes daydreaming.

those girls are all going out with guys in bands.

it just sucks. ran into an old female friend i went to sixth form with at a bar on saturday, so start chatting away about our jobs, ppl we know etc... (btw, wasn't chatting her up, she's engaged) and this younger girl she knows walks up, says hello to her, glances at me then gives her this :S look, like "errr... who the fuck is that and why are you talking to him?" without any attempt to disguise it, like i'm not even there. it's just little things like that. nobody's gonna tell you you're shit to your face. even when women are nice to me, they talk to me like i'm 5 years old. who do you talk to like that anyway? drooling retards?

I think you're projecting, or these people are not as low key as you are claiming if they're actively judging new acquaintances with such an immediately harsh eye

dude that did not happen. or you are going to the wrong places. or something. her friend is a fucktard.

yeah, generally if these are fashionable "I have friends in a band / I am dating band members" people then you're aiming for girls that are trying too hard. aim for lazier women.

I can't find the right way to say this, and all the wrong ways sound cheap and cynical and I don't want to be those things, but you have to have an idea of who your desired audience is. I do know a couple of guys who are extreme cases of only liking girls that just don't have the same priorities as them AT ALL. You could paint it as being about shitty PUA stuff like uh romantic capital or something but it's not like that...

The fact is, those guys wouldn't be happy with the women they desire even if they DID get them because those women wouldn't be 1% interested in the guys' likes, hobbies, skills, lives -- they'd be much more interested in THEIR OWN, because they have nothing in common besides breathing.

I'm not saying you're doing this, arrrrgh, I'm really not. But it seems like a good idea to have some practical idea of who you're after and then decide not to care about what everyone who is Not That Audience thinks.

these girls are all v.mainstream. the band thing was a joke.

i have a pretty good job and stuff. i'm not a slacker, per-se.

this thread is just me venting because i'm lonely and i have to have 3 fillings re-done soon and i'm scared of the dentist.

i have no idea if i have an "audience". i like all kinds of women. it's about meeting an individual who there is some kind of spark and attraction with, not a "type". i dunno.

who are in better shape, better looking, cooler, more cash, funnier, more interesting, more together, more intelligent, more confident, more connected.

there will always be people in better shape than you, all you can do is remain physically active and get yourself fit (if that's a concern of yours, it doesn't have to be i suppose.) looks matter more to men than women (which isn't to say they don't matter at all, but it's probably the least of what you should worry about since confidence can make you epically attractive.) cooler? i dunno, probably the quickest road to coolness is to not give a shit about what is particularly cool and try to not try, as it were. follow trends in a reasonable way but don't be a slave to them. the coolest people i know are in fact not ones you would look at in a photo and consider cool. the ones who *look* the coolest are the ones people seem to be a little creeped out by ime. if you've got enough money to live, forget cash concerns. make a budget for experiences and living and social stuff first and physical objects second and you'll be fine. you're probably not unfunny, so don't worry about that. as long as you have a decent sense of humor, don't worry about competing with funny guys. there's nothing worse than a bunch of funny guys trying to compete in a social situation (it's pretty good online, though.) if you are worried about being interesting, just try to do more interesting things, read up on shit, think about what you love and do it. you seem pretty intelligent so just use it! are you together? no one is totally together, so just try to tighten your life up a little bit and give yourself some specific goals. i'm not talking about career and family goals, but little goals. projects, events, shit like that. the more you engage life fearlessly--even if it feels unnatural--the more confident you will be naturally in the long run and then the more connected you will be.

fwiw when you're in your thirties a lot of bullshit just falls away, the late twenties is kind of weird if you're someone who would self-regard as "mature" and might be a little more introverted. maybe you feel a little lost among most others in your age group who are still working through their twenties? i dunno.

i'm just rambling here at this point.

Don't be afraid of the dentist, the dentist is your friend. Be afraid of abscesses, because they are your mortal enemies and only a dentist can keep them away.

cheers omar, that's all food for thought.

yeah, i had an abscess once, that sucked.

x-post

don't ignore the dental visits as an opportunity to meet ladies - not in terms of hooking up with the ladies who work there, but the procurement of painkillers - it is amazing how women tend to go for drug dealers

lol

it just sucks. ran into an old female friend i went to sixth form with at a bar on saturday, so start chatting away about our jobs, ppl we know etc... (btw, wasn't chatting her up, she's engaged) and this younger girl she knows walks up, says hello to her, glances at me then gives her this :S look, like "errr... who the fuck is that and why are you talking to him?" without any attempt to disguise it, like i'm not even there. it's just little things like that. nobody's gonna tell you you're shit to your face. even when women are nice to me, they talk to me like i'm 5 years old. who do you talk to like that anyway? drooling retards?

Quite possible the younger friend (if she didn't know you) was checking whether you were some random bar guy who had approached her friend, who she needed 'rescuing' from. If she didn't know who you were she might've not wanted to butt in or was trying to work out whether you were now part of the gang, if you know what I mean. Sometimes people need rescuing from unwanted attention no matter how good looking the guy is :)

Some people also give away weird facial expressions they honestly don't mean, as well. As I've found to my own despair at times (what do you mean whats wrong? I'm fine! Why does everyone think I'm sad! Arghhh)

sarahel sometimes i think u r amazing

xp ^^^ also some people think they're doing a "half smile" but they don't realise it looks more like a sneer.

z_b: i don't think i want to know what you think of me the rest of the time!

That you're very tolerant and limber.

some people think they're doing a "half smile" but they don't realise it looks more like a sneer.

They just haven't learned how to sneer properly, is all.

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/40934000/jpg/_40934679_idol_203b.jpg

xp ^^^ also some people think they're doing a "half smile" but they don't realise it looks more like a sneer.

I resemble this remark. I've learned to smile a bit more broadly, though.

i think ppl are underestimating the snarkiness of young uk-ers

the same sex and I hate each other