The orgasm thread

When did you have your first? How and/or why?

How often do you have them now? If you have them through masturbation, do you find that the orgasm is the end goal, or can masturbating be satisfying even without orgasm?

If you have them with a partner, or aspire to, do you find that partnered sex is satisfying without an orgasm? Do you experience hesitance or anxiety about your orgasm or your lack of it? Is your partner's orgasm more important than your own, less important, or "about the same"?

Most if not all of these topics have been covered on other ILX threads in the past, but always spottily, and the TMI board needs its own, I think.

I have long assumed that orgasm is the end-all be-all of sex -- or at least the end-all. I'm male, and that's what they told me. But I don't believe that's true anymore, and even male orgasm is far more complicated than we give it credit for. In my experience, there are different kinds. Women can accurately report that they "kind-of" came, and I think men could, too, if they stopped being so binary about it. There are different kinds of orgasms for BOTH sexes. Sometimes you blow up in massive chills and involuntary muscular activity and loud vocalizations, and sometimes you just reach a point where that's enough, and there's no more to be done. It maybe involves one, two, or all three of those pleasurable things, but to varying degrees, and in no set schema.

Anyway, if anyone is at all comfortable about doing so, let's talk about orgasms.

I have long assumed that orgasm is the end-all be-all of sex

have always, since encounter #1, understood this to be a lie tbh

it's about the buildup

Always thought so too until I started becoming more sexually active. The first time I had a partner who didn't feel the need to reach orgasm I wasn't sure if he actually enjoyed it, but he assured me that wasn't the case. Now I if I don't see it immediately happening I just let that be (or not be).

One of the big things to get over for me was that thing that Richard Pryor talks about, where when he found a woman who told him that she'd never come before, his response was, "Bitch, you gonna come tonight!" It's a huge ego thing, getting someone else off. In addition to just a huge good thing to do. But trying to force it is kind of the initial impulse, and it's a bad one.

Unless it's a good one.

kenan's orgasm monologues

apparently.

I mean the first time you try to do a thing with a partner is always gonna be awkward, it's like a next-level handshake, but as you learn their preferences it gets way easier to tailor yourself to their needs, and I mean forgive me if this sounds dickish but I don't get how there are people in LTRs who have partners who don't get their needs met. It's like, yo, they're telling you what they need: is it that hard to oblige and make it happen?

idgi i guess

is it that hard to understand? i bet 90% of people on ILX have been in LTRs in which their emotional needs weren't met... this isn't that different. personally, i have a higher opinion of sexual encounters that end in orgasms for both people... it's not the only thing about sex that's worthwhile, sure, but i can't ever imagine wanting *not* to have one. certainly okay if one or both aren't in the mood to go all the way there, but i guess i tend to view this as an unfortunate bit of timing more than anything else.

I mean I think emotional needs are profoundly diff from sexual needs: I know I've been in relationships where my emotional needs were being met while my sexual needs weren't, and vice versa. I think, yeah, that the best kind of sex involves both partners getting there and it signifying something emotionally. I've been lucky enough to experience that, and it's been because my partner has given me suggestions on how to make it happen on either the mechanical sex side or the cerebral emotional side, based on what's lacking at a given moment.

I guess maybe I'm just a really communicative dude that takes his partners advice quite literally, and maybe not everyone does that?

subtle braggin

i'm really tryin to avoid that! lol

if masturbation counts, 14. if sex, like, 20 (late bloomer).

most recent sex orgasm=Dec 2009, most recent wank, uhm, 3 hours ago.

lol are we really going to do that?

Who's to judge? I mean, srsly. You can't lose points for very many things.

Pretty sure it has also been done. Many many times before.

this thread? or orgasms

Both. But I put a disclaimer pretty up-front. I know it's been done.

also I always put my partner's orgasm first mostly cuz I'm afraid if I don't satisfy them enough they won't want to stick around. it's not so hard for me to achieve one, likewise the rare time I don't have one doesn't 'diminish' the experience, plus if we have a second go, there's no 'refresh' time.

you are so considerate

more like paranoid that I'll get dumped for someone better if I don't get an A+ in the sack

wait did kenan ask 'why' in the thread question?

"well I was bored and I didn't have nothing better to do"

well shit, yeah i suppose when you're 11 and don't know what's about to happen that's accurate enough tbf

i mean my first 'wank' was somewhat accidental.

When: 13
Why: Looking at muscle dudes online.

mine was a Cindy Crawford photo

i think mine may have been fiona fullerton

kinda lol but mostly we didn't get much in the way of nudie pics in donegal in 1993

this thread? or orgasms

I meant wanking while posting, as it seemed to be the there to where darragh was urging us not to go.

varieties of orgasm would be a more interesting topic -- the sudden champagne-cork explosion vs the slowburn in the abdomen that seems to build forever

xpost idk about you but I've never wanked while posting on ILX. usually it has the opposite effect

before this goes any further NO NO NO NO NO NO NO PLZ DONT NO

if peeps want to talk about jerking off while posting i will start you all a borad called ILWTFMI

"I love what the fuck much information"?

me too

started as i love way too fucking much information but yers works too

xpost idk about you but I've never wanked while posting on ILX. usually it has the opposite effect

And I would hope so too. However, Using ilx as the professed post-wank cigarette is also unacceptable behaviour IMHO.

I really shouldn't have used the first person plural (in the objective case) upthread. Creep away from own remarks.

it seemed to be the there to where darragh was urging us not to go.

i was protesting the seeming beginning of a log of 'i last came assisted x hours ago, i last came unassisted y hours ago, will post again if anything changes kthxbye'

i love where to fuck myself in

I love wanking to finnish men/infants

i lack the wisdom to filter my input

If you jerk off while reading ILX, I don't want to know about it, either. I sure as hell don't.

i lack the wisdom to filter my input

hahaha, this is OTM.

Yeah, I had an ex who totally ruined doing it 4 me w a rly funct. Att. 2 everything and he ws all lets come but everything else was pretty mundane

to hell with that i'd rather an hour of enjoying not coming than 5 mins orgasm chasing desperation

xp If "funct." stands for "functional", I'm not so sure that's functional.

It's a danger, though, and one I try to avoid. I have to remind myself that the best sex is when I WANT to rut like a wart hog, but instead I hold off and take my sweet, sweet time. It sounds like a cliche, almost, but it's so not.

my current anti anxiety meds actually prolong the time it takes to climax, but don't outright inhibit it....

Yah it was a total chore w this guy rly

I remember a long time ago, when my roommate went on prozac, and told me later, "I had to WORK for my orgasm! Like a woman!" He meant it in the best way possible. Or at least I think he did.

Posted: October 11, 2010 5:22:27 PM
It's a danger, though, and one I try to avoid. I have to remind myself that the best sex is when I WANT to rut like a wart hog, but instead I hold off and take my sweet, sweet time. It sounds like a cliche, almost, but it's so not.

I've always found that it's good either way--sometimes fast, sometimes slow.

my current anti anxiety meds actually prolong the time it takes to climax, but don't outright inhibit it....

I've said this before, but my Wellbutrin prolongs the wait but increases the bang at the end.

same here. after I started taking it last year me and my then g/f turned in the best session ever.

With most recent ex I was having trouble finishing almost half the time - that started to get pretty frustrating. We were having a load of sex (pattern was: meet up after work, sex, dinner, sex, watch an episode of whatever show we were into, sex), but there wasn't a lot of foreplay or variety to it. She always got off, which was great (partner's orgasm is v. important to me, maybe wrongly, ie is it more about my ego?), but I'd go until I couldn't go anymore and not be able to finish and that sucked.

There were also some bjs that lasted 20+ minutes that I'd start to worry about (is she really enjoying this too, yada yada yada).

Ultimately I think it was the lack of foreplay and the fact that we didn't ultimately like each other that much causing a mental block or somesuch.

I'd go until I couldn't go anymore and not be able to finish and that sucked

Hearing this loud and clear, esp. combined with worries about whether it's just your ego that needs to keep going.

There were also some bjs that lasted 20+ minutes that I'd start to worry about (is she really enjoying this too, yada yada yada).

After a while it does start to hurt, esp. when he has a big dick.

the fact that we didn't ultimately like each other that much causing a mental block

^^^

My husband had a mental block with orgasms for a while after we first met. I suspect he was still mourning his first wife.