Unsettling sex toys

the "Sqweel Wheel Ten-Tongue Sex Toy"

I've never thought, "man you know what is missing here? like nine extra tongues."

"Sqweel"?

cuddlestein mounting

http://www.google.co.uk/images?hl=en&safe=off&q=real%20touch&um=1&ie=UTF-8&source=og&sa=N&tab=wi&biw=1024&bih=546
Like a cross between a Ge0rge F0reman Grill and an electric pencil sharpener, except you put your penis in it and connect it to your computer.

It's PC only, yet another reason to own a Mac.

A dirty mac?

The belts work in conjunction with heating coils, a lube reservoir, and a simple adjustably tight seal (but haptics don't care how big you are). Is one hole different from the other? The belts squeeze tighter and the coils heat hotter when you're in Bree's ass.

This is freaking me out.

It's rotten.com, so automatically NSFW...
http://www.rotten.com/library/sex/masturbation/inventions/sex-dolls/

Life-size doll with "space age" vibrating and rotating pussy.

they meant to say "life-like", right? i mean, they do rotate, don't they?

these dolls are amazing looking, btw

http://www.rotten.com/library/sex/masturbation/inventions/sex-dolls/445.JPG

sheepless never again

Fat Angry Mom Doll

Fuck this and then kill yourself.

lmao

http://www.geekologie.com/2009/01/12/oh-wow.jpg
You're supposed to put your cock in this I presume? I don't fancy it much myself.

Yes, between those two beige rubber conveyor belts, apparently.

It's rotten.com, so automatically NSFW...
http://www.rotten.com/library/sex/masturbation/inventions/sex-dolls/

― Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Monday, 18 October 2010 19:12 (4 hours ago)

This contents of this page makes me want human life to cease on this planet.

I can't imagine, even at the very farthest end of my sexual imagination, how fucking a big carnival balloon could ever do it for me. The act of having sex with an actual person is ridiculous enough, and the only reason we don't laugh the whole time is a trick of our lower brain. Fucking a balloon is way the fuck off the map.

You mean "way off the fuck map"?

Honestly, though, I want one of these. Not for sexy purposes, but because it's crazy cute.

http://www.rotten.com/library/sex/masturbation/inventions/sex-dolls/513.JPG

Vibrating and sucking jelly mouth. Soft pink vagina and anus made of a soft stretchy material called "senso".

Lifelike molded breasts. Less than 5 feet tall. Embedded vibrating bullet for extra sensations in the vagina and anus. Manual squeeze bulb.

Porn star Houston is said to resemble Bo Derek. Her adult films include Cum Junkies, Crotch Crunch, and Squat On My Twat.

...single pouch type vagina and anus. Doll is 5 feet tall. Personally signed and comes with a centerfold poster. 2 AA batteries.

Dyanna Lauren is a generic Penthouse performer who likes pizza and Al Pacino.

Consumer warning: This doll often springs a leak and loses air during the first inflation. The mouth is formed from hard plastic and can only accommodate a penis less than 1.25 inches wide.

cirCUMference?

life-size doll with "space age" vibrating and rotating pussy.

they meant to say "life-like", right? i mean, they do rotate, don't they?

― dude (del), Monday, October 18, 2010 1:25 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

^ missed the best bit in this one:

Sensuous blonde horse hair.

less than 1.25 inches wide

At least the designers are thinking of their target market. Which brings up the question: someone actually designed these? Do they have any qualifications? Did they do really badly at university or did they just get a degree from one of those online places?

They have qualifications, but you don't want to sit in at one of the interviews.

personally i think, and this is just my point of view, all human life must be destroyed

someone actually designed hundreds of these

i want to see kenan's map

You don't have the rights.

i found it!

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_wNMbiM2fPWk/Sj-ybTYbAmI/AAAAAAAAACw/rqr_kT1Ole8/s400/map.bmp

No Love Piggie = no credibility.

http://rlv.zcache.com/here_there_be_monsters_poster-p228179659335648617t5ta_400.jpg

but you said that was off the map - so why would it be in the picture?

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_wNMbiM2fPWk/Sj-ybTYbAmI/AAAAAAAAACw/rqr_kT1Ole8/s400/map.bmp

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Love Piggie

Ok are you actually trying to apply logic to this discussion about having sex with horrifying inflatable plastic things?

also Lol @ "here there be monsters"

never mind logic it's the great fuckable pumpkin

^^ just scoop and shoot!!!

At least carve a face in the pumpkin.

Too personal. Same reason Julia Roberts wouldn't kiss Ricard Gere in the movie Pretty Woman.

Because he was a vegetable?

Because he hadn't been properly microwaved.

a lukewarm gere is no gere at all

a friend of my brother's once told me that you could make a real vagina by putting a sock in a glass, but folding the top of the sock back over the top of the glass, so as to hold it there. and then you fill the sock glass with warm water. and then you stretch a piece of balloon rubber over the top of the sock glass, and hold it in place with a rubber band. and then you finally poke a small hole in the rubber with a pin. et voila. fleshlight 1.0

such ingenuity, but so much work! you might as well fuck a sofa cushion.

scoop and shoot

My hand may be old fashioned, but I don't think it'll ever go out of style.

fuckable pumpkin not at all impressive unless it was commercially produced

xxxp would it have to be a shooter glass?

it's a pillow, it's a penis ... it's a pillow AND a penis

I've had an idea for a con: sell black plastic refuse bags as 'D4rth V4der Love Dolls'. People will be too embarrassed to ask for their money back.

^^ the combination pizza hut taco bell of sex toys!

xxp it's like the chorus of 'Brimful of 4sha' by C0rnersh0p: "everybody needs a penis for a pillow"

You could also sell a white refuse sack as 'Princess Lay-Her'.

Turns out, “Peter Pillow” is not a person’s name

And persons everywhere are very thankful for that.

dollar store sex toys

including: Mini Traffic Cone
[Discount Extreme Fabulous Butt Plug]

xxxxxp

was thinking a highball, but ymmv

The Peter Pillow! Wow! I was already sold on the shag carpet...

Ok that I want to see.

http://www.examiner.com/images/blog/EXID12864/images/HORNED_MELON1.JPG

ready set go

To make this movie masturbator, you need: one cardboard popcorn bucket, an empty tube from a roll of toilet paper or paper towels, a latex glove, duct tape, a marker, scissors and an exacto knife.

This is all a little bit overwhelming.

http://rlv.zcache.com/crawfish_suck_what_tshirt-p2352967756266571042932m_325.jpg

the exacto knife is what keeps things interesting

plus love how the guy getting peter pillowed is idly considering another peter pillow

He's still a guy.

http://www.homemade-sex-toys.com/case/img/case_17.jpg

it's got a cup holder and everything!

Not very PC is it? (bah dum pish!)

lol at the rearview mirror - what kind of teenager is going to own one of those?

I was just wondering what in the unholy hell the rearview mirror is for. So you can watch your pathetic self penetrating a piece of rubber from two angles at once?

And what's the rear view mirror for? So that you can see if someone's sneaking up on you? Then before they shout "WTF are you doing!?!" you can say "oh hai I was just entering my password... installing, er... hard drive..."

(I do recognize the lube, though. That's Liquid Silk. Good stuff.)

Is it too boring to point out how surreal that picture is?

Note the classy "two girls on one cup" sight gag.

This is probably not what Microsoft had in mind with their mission statement "A computer on every desk".

A dick in every computer

scsi port

SCOOP AND SHOOT!!!!

I starting to think that you mean that imperatively.

I just purchased your Sqweel Wheel and have to say it's an unbelievably pleasurable product. I can't remember ever climaxing this strong before. Wow just became wet thinking about it, anyway I was referred to your web site by a friend who recommended the Sqweel and told me to try your company. I normally purchase my toys from Adam and Eve but they did not carry it so I gave you guys a try. Got to say I am very satisfied. The product arrived very fast and was discreetly wrapped. I also like your web sites shopping format, very easy to navigate and understand the product description. Thank you for the free shipping, I'll definitely place more orders through your site and recommend it to my friends.

I hate the way that product reviews on sex shop websites seem to resemble people's amateurly written sex fantasies rather than proper product reviews. So instead of people writing things like "This product is well made and looks like it will stand up to years of use." they right things like "When the package was delivered I was so excited and couldn't wait to get it open. I took it out of the box and came instantly.".

s/right/write

I am kind of amused by sex toy reviews that are a guy reviewer writing about his wife's experience. So many of the ones on Amazon are like this. I was easily able to find an example right away:

11 of 11 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Works Great!!!!, August 13, 2005
By Happy husband "Husband" (California) - See all my reviews

My Wife loves this little thing. It gets her off within 5 minutes usually sooner.Its very easy to hold and lightweight so your hands wont get tired holding it. Its very quiet I think. If you want to have alot of hard easy orgasms 1 after the other GET THIS!!!

It reminds me of this time I read a bunch of reviews of Iams dog food and all the people reviewing it were like, "This one has the best flavor and fills little Joe Joe right up. If you want the best and meatiest taste try Iams!!" How did they even know, you know? The dog can't tell them, "Rit's really meaty." (This is not to say wives are like dogs.)

haha Abbott, I was just about to ask if the review was signed by Shaggy or Elroy

A dog, a woman, and a walnut tree
The more you beat them write reviews for them, the better they be

Or perhaps "the more you beat them off, the better they be"

haeha i feel the same way about turtle food reviews abbott

At least that doesn't make me think of the scene in Showgirls where they bond over childhood memories of Doggie Chow.

you could make a real vagina by putting a sock in a glass

^^^ part of the alternative lyrics to 'That Old Black Magic'

YIKES! ZOMBIE DICKS

http://www.geekologie.com/2010/08/25/zombie-dilds-uncut.jpg

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/barackobama/8107377/Obama-sex-doll-for-sale-in-China.html

"Why can't we have a Mao Tse-tung toy?" asked another.

lol at the pinyin