Caught Masturbating -- How to Play It Off

1. say you dropped poptart down pants and are trying to fish it out

2. say masturbating is pleasurable to you and you enjoy doing it whenever your schedule allows.

3. Say you have what the dude in Crank had and you're trying to stay alive.

4. "I was waiting for you."

5. "oh like you've never done this in a pre-school break room"

6. shout at interrupter "GET OUT YOU PERVERT!!!"

7. say "can you get me a beer milkshake mother?"

8. say "no Jeeves, only bring in the hot towels when I call for them"

9. "hey I was just thinking of you"

10. say tehre's a scorpion on yr nuts

tehresa scorpion on yr nuts

lol

11. Quickly change the channel from scribblevison on channel 99 to channel 2 and pretend you are masturbating to the news

uhm some of us actually do

http://www.pynkcelebrity.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/katie_couric.jpg

12. Explain that the reason that the dishtowel you stole from the kitchen has become a work of Frank Gehry architecture is because you spilled some Chinese food, and used it to clean up, but for some reason threw it under your bed instead of in the laundry.

My mother's response to that one was was priceless. "Uh huh," she said, with a tone that equally combined outright sarcasm and not wanting to inspire any further fantastical explanations. A tightrope, that.

I don't know what's funnier now -- her response, or the fact that I somehow imagined that she had never dealt with semen or men in general. Or that she would never suspect that I, a 16-year-old male, would ever do such a thing as masturbate. No, really, Mom! Only the other guys do that! Why would someone like ME ever do that?! God, I'm not a pervert or something! Pfft! You underestimate me, really.

I don't think I've ever been caught straight-up in medias res -- BUT there's also a strong possibility that I have been totally caught mid-stroke by more than one person, but they were smooth enough that I never even knew that they caught me. Which is the only decent way to deal with catching someone masturbating. Gasping loudly is out of the question.

i've sort of been caught sliding my hand back out of my pants and well dudes put their hands in there for various reasons anyway

You have to! The situation between you and your undergarments needs to be clarified several times a day.

EXACTLY.