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The Internet Henfap Association for the Brotherhood of Man (for whatever it means)

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Poop

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PO: Hi, Kenny G. Thank you for granting us this interview.

KG: You’re welcome, sweetie. I was hoping to get you back to my place for a bit of fun, if you know what I mean. *winks*

PO: Yeah, right. Great. So what is it that your group, The Gay Mafia, wants to achieve?

KG: Equality for all, silly goose. There’s nothing wrong with that, is there?

PO: But everyone is equal already, aren’t they? Women are allowed to drive and work, racial discrimination is a thing of the past, read only about in history books, there are laws that forbid discrimination. In fact, now there’s reverse discrimination. What more do you want? What you actually want are special rights, isn’t that correct?

KG: Oh, just get off your soapbox, won’t you, sugar? Of course we want “special” rights. We’re special people, therefore we deserve to have it all. Get this: I have to watch television shows about straight couples all the time, you see them everywhere, flaunting their heterosexuality. It’s disgusting. What we need are more gays on the “boob tube.” We need more openly gay couples, threesomes and foursomes, showing their pride on the streets and in the seedy back alleys of America. People must be forced to call us normal, not weird, not sick. Do you like my chaps?

PO: Let’s stay on the subject, Kenny. This is very interesting. What about people who realize that the gay lifestyle choice is sinful? What about them?

KG: Those homophobes should be locked up and forced to watch gay porn 24/7. No question about it.

PO: Don’t you think that’s a bit extreme?

KG: No I don’t. If being forced to watch hot guys in the act of blissful unrestrained sodomy is what it takes to open some eyes and change some minds then so be it. And another thing: homosexuality is not a sin. It’s hot all right, but it’s not sinful, sister.
PO: But what about the King James Bible? It clearly states that gaiety is a sin, forbidden by the Lord. You can’t argue that.

KG: F**k the Bible. King James was a big fairy. And so was Jesus. I hate God and I hate the Bible. All that junk. Religion should be banned and Christians thrown to the lions, again. If I ever became king, it’s off with their heads. Fundies make me sick. What a bunch of drama queens!

PO: You would ban the free exercise of religion?

KG: You bet your ass I would.

PO: But what about the children?

KG: What about them? I love children. Especially little boys. There’s nothing I would like better than twisting their minds into accepting my homosexuality as a legitimate lifestyle choice. Then I’ll make them my love slaves. Oooh, that’s hot. Girls are much easier to turn, most are closet lesbos anyway, but you gotta get the little boys early, before they become masculine.