Do you wipe your butt sitting down or standing up?

what if you dont have a butt

find this question to be v v buttist

I think I've already said most of what I need to say on this subject:

I stand up, knees slightly bent, while facing the toilet; inspect my wiping progress while admiring my logs; toss the paper in the bowl without obstruction or splashback.

― gtforia estfufan (unregistered), Wednesday, June 1, 2011 1:17 AM (1 year ago)

I just tried sit-wiping now, and good god is it awkward to have to dip my hand beneath the seat and above the seat and beneath the seat and above the seat just to jet a good wipe. I tried leaning forward to keep from having to reach my hand into the bowl, and while that helped a little, I ended up in an uncomfortable half-crouch that put way more strain on my back and legs than standing would have done. the worst part, though, was having to swing my arm from back to front and back again to inspect the paper visually and drop it in the bowl. now that's an unnecessary workout. sitting may spread the cheeks a little better, but unless you have huge, jowly, free-flowing buttocks, I doubt there's any appreciable benefit in terms of cleanliness.

― gtforia estfufan (unregistered), Wednesday, June 1, 2011 9:06 AM (1 year ago)

'some other position' - about six inches above a sitting position.

xxp there's no need to get butthurt about it...

Lying face down, while crying.

http://danormansinkorea.files.wordpress.com/2008/12/pop_hand_balancing.jpg?w=300&h=243

automatic toilets infuriate me. I stand up to get into my wiping position and the toilet is like, "oh, you're done wiping? allow me to flush that for you." but I HAVEN'T EVEN BEGUN WIPING YET, DON'T YOU SEE. and sometimes it auto-flushes again while I'm in mid-wipe and yet again after I've walked away, bemoaning the waste of water.

lol DJP

huge, jowly, free-flowing buttocks

WAIT A SECOND

PEOPLE STAND UP TO DO THIS???

WTF?

i voted

TY for your input.

Apparently when it comes to stuff like this my normally stellar memory fails me.

You stand up?

Woah.

From foot flushing to this I just don't get how I seem to have been taught to do things entirely different from, oh, like everyone else in the whole normal world. Huh.

― \(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Wednesday, June 1, 2011 10:23 AM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

It would never have occurred to me to do it any other way than between the legs. From the back?! What? Thank you ILX for teaching me the ways of the world.

― ENBB, Sunday, January 13, 2008 11:40 AM (3 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Between the legs is some insane shit.

― jim, Sunday, January 13, 2008 11:41 AM (3 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

I once had this conversation and found out that a lot of people do it while standing up o_O

― jim, Sunday, January 13, 2008 11:42 AM (3 years ago) Bookmark

LOL

Forgot about this.

― \(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Wednesday, June 1, 2011 10:24 AM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

of all the possible conversations to be doomed to repeat, you had to get this one

like groundhog day, but about messy butts

http://www.ilxor.com/ILX/ThreadSelectedControllerServlet?boardid=77&threadid=82996

are you disgusted or just surprised, ENBB?

I thought standing up was the norm until I was standing in the stall in the middle school bathroom, facing the toilet and wiping away, when some proto-pothead kid saw my feet and was like, "you wipe your ass standing up!?" I thought he was going to make fun of me, but I don't think he knew how to make fun of me because it's a really a weird thing to bully someone about.

Not very many people see other wiping their asses standing up. But every single person that does starts a band and then begins to wipe their own asses standing up

and that band is called...The Wipers?

huge, jowly, free-flowing buttocks

― Merdeyeux, Thursday, 7 June 2012 20:11 (Yesterday)

this is haunting me. i'm imagining woody allen with an asshole instead of a mouth.

i stand up and rub my ass on the toilet paper roll until its clean

Is threadid=82996 on '77 just a funny relevant thread title or is it the thread itself? (am0n's link)

I've hired someone to do this for me; sitting down. The employee lives in the basin of my toilet.

i was thinking of inventing a "dry bidet", basically a fur covered implement the size and shape of a billy club. it rotates at high speed like a shoe polisher

Here is a conversation a former roommate and I once had:
HIM: I have a surprise for you! It's in the bathroom.
ME: Is it a bidet?
HIM: No, it's a poodle I trained to do the same thing.

Team wipe butt sitting down, represent!

i sit down when i wipe and most of the time when i type.

I've hired someone to do this for me; sitting down. The employee lives in the basin of my toilet.

― Word of Wisdom Robots (Abbbottt), Friday, June 8, 2012 4:57 AM (6 hours ago)

I can imagine a hand coming out of the water, like the Lady of the Lake. Except instead of Excalibur she's holding a toilet roll.

I don't get the sitting-down thing at all. I mean, doesn't the commode seat block your hand? I just tried reaching in from the front sitting on the seat - not much room (especially for guys), strains my back, and I fear I'll inadvertently dip my hand in the water. Even standing up, reaching from the front through the legs nearly impossible for me.

relevant http://howtowipeyourbutt.com/

I fear I'll inadvertently dip my hand in the water

How high is the water and/or how long are your arms?
Alternatively, are you pooping in a swimming pool?

http://www.sportsmanswarehouse.com/img/products/original/1214798_1.jpg

this is haunting me. i'm imagining woody allen with as an asshole instead of a mouth.

William S. Burroughs' short story 'Spare Ass Allen'.

spare ass annie

that how-to website is extremely conservative about quantity of toilet paper.

"inspect the paper visually"

i think y'all are sleeping on this comment ^

"inspecting the paper gustatorially"

That site sure is anal about butt wiping technique.

http://i48.tinypic.com/29dh25u.jpg

(emphasis added)

at first glance I thought the space inside of the toilet seat was his left butt cheek, and he was lying sideways across the seat and polishing his butt cheek with the toilet paper. and that's...that's not how you do it.

see: "Darren Chiachia demonstrates a perfect half seat"

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

intriguing

so we can infer ilx is 42% disgusting savages

I was thinking the other day about how posture and leg/arm length might factor into becoming a standing wiper. Obviously, body size would factor towards being a sitting wiper. How many massively, obese, standing wipers could there be?

sounds like a poll

I hope those 4 people all own bidets, and never go commando

Do you wipe your butt sitting up or standing down?

I don't wipe my butt 4

http://www.thebracknellskaters.co.uk/smileys/smiley_grin.gif

it's not a bad strategy, you can probably just wait for the new poop to push the old poop out of the way

in the summer i just wait for it to evaporate off my cheeks

or you could just put so much force into your ass contractions that the splashback acts as a DIY bidet

too humid for that where i live

xp