Your Parents' Sexuality: A Poll

won't cop to squicked but not going all the way to non-squicked, let me explain

As a kid, I took the occasional shower with my dad. I have also accidentally seen my mom sans clothing. Knowing what they look like naked, and having reached a certain level of maturity where I can appreciate them as real people and not simply my parents, I'm not all the way squicked. Still, I don't ever really want to think about them in the act.

My bedroom shared a wall with my parents.

My father is very vocal when having sex.

They seemed to have a lot of sex when I had friends sleeping over.

I also once accidentally walked in on them mid-thrust on Mother's Day. I can still remember the smell.

I should be over it by now, but I'm not

You have already voted in this poll and cannot vote again.

But I feel like I need to vote again

I put another vote in for you, 'cus my parents don't and possibly never did.

Sex makes a smell??

I can still remember the smell.
I can still remember the smell.
I can still remember the smell.
I can still remember the smell.
I can still remember the smell.
I can still remember the smell.
I can still remember the smell.
I can still remember the smell.
I can still remember the smell.
I can still remember the smell.

Sex makes a smell??

brodie,

Sex absolutely makes a smell.

god haven't we been over this

(the sex making a smell thing)

PEOPLE YOU HAVE GLANDS

gbx we live in a time when an "is it inconsiderate to not shave off all your body hair" poll would be a close one

crabbits is anosmic iirc

ohhhhh...

I went to high school with an anosmic fellow. We held horrible smelling things under his nose in chemistry class, making his eyes water without the benefit/misfortune of their odors.

my dog has no nose how does it smell awful

truly sorry, can't be helped

wait is crabbits...lol ok hi crabbits I missed the bulletin on this one! koritfw crabbits you are great

gbx we live in a time when an "is it inconsiderate to not shave off all your body hair" poll would be a close one

― steven fucking tyler (underrated aerosmith bootlegs I have owned), Saturday, August 4, 2012 6:35 PM (33 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

want to make a "close shave" joke but I'm pretty sure it wouldn't work

I also once accidentally walked in on them mid-thrust on Mother's Day. I can still remember the smell.

I should be over it by now, but I'm not

― keeping things contextual (DJP), Sunday, 5 August 2012 07:52 (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

You have already voted in this poll and cannot vote again.

But I feel like I need to vote again

― keeping things contextual (DJP), Sunday, 5 August 2012 07:53 (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

all time

every excelsior ever is suddenly and immediately redundant

yeah that is the final boss of excelsior

next thing you people will be telling me sex makes a sound, too

i think i understand . . . your dog's name is sex?

One Christmas when I visited my family, a ton of other relatives were visiting too so the only place to sleep was on my parents' floor. I pretty much wake up whenever the sun rises, and I was laying around awake when my parents woke up and started talking to each other. "Want to get a shower together?" "I want to wash you" "No *I* want to wash *you*" and not able to say 'oh my god guys I'm awake please stop,' I have never felt so trapped.

that might actually be on the same level as djp's tale, even though no actual sex was witnessed.

when your parents divorce and you visit your dad on holidays or in the summer during the +/- 20 years while he's drifting from long-term relationship to long-term relationship trying to get married again, you will hear some things. like what you ask? your dad gasping in ecstasy as he comes. or cums, if you prefer, and you may, I don't really know what you're like.

there isn't much in the world that makes me wince, but reading that.....

if it weren't for the fact that i look somewhat like my biological father, i'd be fairly certain that none of my parents have ever had sex

that post is the grossest post i've ever read

I worked pretty hard on the wording for maximum squick

a) I once saw a condom package in the bathroom of my father and stepmother's house.

b) One time I looked at the photos of my mother and stepfather's wedding, and there was a photo of "you may kiss the bride". I realized that it was the first and only time I'd ever seen any physical contact between them.

That is, I'm not squicked, but maybe they were?

The fact that they were probably regularly hearing (solo) teenage me through the shared wall squicks me worse than the couple of times I heard them.

I'd made pancakes for my mom and planned on surprising her with breakfast in bed. It was going to be my Mother's Day gift to her. This is why I didn't knock on their bedroom door, but instead threw it open and shouted "SURPRISE!"

I believe we were all surprised that day.

Omgomgomg

That is so unfortunate. Also, hilarious.

Never heard or saw a damn thing. THANK GOD.

Me neither, it's actually plausible to me that they haven't had sex in 31 years. Not sure what I would have thought if it had been in my face when younger.

I'd made pancakes for my mom and planned on surprising her with breakfast in bed. It was going to be my Mother's Day gift to her. This is why I didn't knock on their bedroom door, but instead threw it open and shouted "SURPRISE!"

I believe we were all surprised that day.

― keeping things contextual (DJP), Sunday, August 5, 2012 5:56 AM (6 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

omg actual lols in public over here

I've never seen or heard my parents having sex (kids rooms were on the other side of the house), but I did overhear my mom say something squicky once, that is now hilarious in retrospect. NYE, home from college, had been at a friends house, stone sober, came home to my parents chilling with the neighbors at like 2am, much wine had been consumed. they were talking about how a couple of the ninth grade neighbor girls had been omg knocked up (HSTNGS!) and my mom is like "I mean what's wrong with these girls, couldn't they just give them a blowjob or something?". I immediately poured a very stiff drink and retired to the basement.

squickiness intensified by the knowledge that my sainted mother (luv u) often bragged of hitch hiking around Europe with a bunch of hippy dudes when she was 16yo

Never heard or saw a damn thing. THANK GOD.

― (✿◠‿◠) (ENBB), Sunday, August 5, 2012 6:58 AM (7 hours ago) Bookmark

intersting xp

gbx's mom otm

I doubt it would have even been feasible to walk in on my parents having sex since I was 8 or so, which was when their relationship seemed to have broken down. Don't normally think about it, but I doubt they've had sex since then; indeed, I was well into my teens before I fully believed you had to have sex in order to have kids. That would mean that my parents would have had to do this, which was all the evidence I needed that it wasn't true. I mean, I don't think I'd ever even seen my parents kiss, at least not passionately. By the time I was grown they slept in different rooms on different floors of the house, so there wasn't any chance of walking in on them in flagrante delicto. I remember a few times when I was with my family visiting my relatives and the conversation turned toward this subject, and my dad would occasionally crack a joke whose punch line was an implication that he never had sex.

I had long assumed this was because their relationship had deteriorated irrevocably or that my mom wasn't interested. Only recently did I learn there was more to the story. Sometime in the '80s my dad needed surgery to treat an enlarged prostate. The operation went terribly wrong, and he spent a month in the hospital as a result. The incident apparently left him impotent ever since.

I have a friend whose parents are still totally lovey-dovey and she's told me of how she had to be careful not to call for either of them when she was growing up if they were in their bedroom and the door was closed, and how she could sometimes hear them from her own adjacent bedroom. Squicky or not, I can't even imagine what it's like for your parents to get along well with each other, and I don't get the impression my friend has any appreciation of how lucky she was to have grown up with parents who loved each other rather than in the war zone that was my childhood home.

My parents have slept with their bedroom door open since around the birth of my youngest sibling, so pretty sure nothing even remotely sexy has happened since then.

Never heard or saw a damn thing. THANK GOD.

― (✿◠‿◠) (ENBB), Sunday, August 5, 2012 6:58 AM (7 hours ago) Bookmark

I did know where my dad's bedside porn stash was and I think I encountered a vibrator package under their bed once. But I spent a lot of weekends of my youth at my grandparents house so I assume that's when they got it on.

My parents have slept with their bedroom door open

Actually, mine have done this for a long time as well. They go on weekend getaways a couple times a year, but other than that I imagine their relationship has become completely desexualized.

I moved away a year ago after having lived with them again for a while, though, so who knows...maybe it's orgy central.

Although I said that I've never hear or seen anything I do know a couple things.

They've slept in seperate bedrooms for about 15 years now. That started because of my dad's snoring but really they just like their own space.

One time when I was in college my mom told me about how my dad had asked her to have a quickie on afternoon (UGH) so I know they did do it at least sometimes until at least then. My dad flat out told me that she cut him off totally about 10 years ago so I'm fairly certain they haven't done anything in at least that long.

I did know where my dad's bedside porn stash was

yeah I found out some stuff about my dad's particular, umm, area of interest by seeing this. nothing hugely kinky, but...really much, much more than I needed to know about dad

In the early 90s I found about 3 issues of mid-80s Penthouses in my dad's nightstand. Of course I read them. They were pretty educational tbh.

my dad had Playboy, Penthouse Forum, Juggs and a porn-comic called Cheri, IIRC

the Penthouse Forum had a story where a dude banged Dr. Crusher from ST:TNG, it was way hot for a ~10-year old nerd.

I was always under the impression that having sex is something normal ('normal') parents do. I was told: It's what they were doing when you came into the world, and they'll probably do it again, and you may or may not have any siblings. I mean, right?

Not at all put off by other ppl fucking, including my parents.

x-post - Sure but I'm still really glad I never had to see or hear it.

I think it's especially weird to me because other than quick pecks hello and goodbye my parents were never overly affectionate with one another. I've never seen them, like, cuddle or anything. Man, that would be weird.

where's jjj, he heard my dad's triumphantly guttural "UHN!!! UHN!!! UHN!!" a couple of times

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

See, that's kind of embarrassing I guess, but not really a big deal?

Ultimately no, not that big of a deal in retrospect when you are pushing 40

When you are 15 it's kind of the end of the world

I still think it's pretty embarrassing, but ultimately not horrifying. My friends' dads (not mine, that I know of) all had (hidden) magazines and of course we snooped and found them and looked at it when we were like, 8? 9? That's what we did at slumber parties. By 15 I didn't care what my parents were doing, really.

Since this is TMI and all.

I guess I will revert back to my first comment, which is "I thought it was a positive thing when people's parents had sex because that's what 'normal adults' do" because that is what I was initially taught as a kid, like around when I was 8.

Still, my friend's dad was English and they had this huge painting of tons of naked people above their bed. We laughed about that and took turns sneaking looks at it.

I'm pretty sure my parents splack all the time now that they live alone.

lol

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWD0wUmO8jk

This was confirmed recently by a discovery of Viagra in my parent's medicine chest.

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

Never gave the subject much thought until one day a few months after my dad had open heart surgery in his mid 70s -- he said his main complaint was that his pecker hadn't been hard since the operation, but he wasn't sure if it was because of medications or because he was afraid to exert himself. I changed the subject.

That's another thread idea: GUYS, how old was your dad when gE started discussing his erections with you?

Mine was 66

that didn't happen, however while my dad was in his being-a-bachelor-and-hoping-to-get-married phase he had a loud conversation with some guests about how one thing he really missed about my mom was that she was in the mood for it way more often than most women he'd meet

so yeah that was a real awesome time for ten-year-old me to be hanging around the dinner table with dad and his guests

Oh man my dad started discussing his erections with me – in a roundabout way – right after I got married. At 25. And I will note for the unfamiliar that I'm a woman.

xp ^^^^^ \O_o/ at that Ragu advert. WTF were they thinking ??!??!??

Trying to imagine the conversation at the boardroom meeting when they were brainstorming ideas for that advertising campaign.....

"Sales of our spaghetti sauce keep falling. We're losing market share to our competitors. What should we do?"

"How 'bout we try to associate our brand with walking in on your parents having sex?"

"Great idea! If we could just make the very thought of Ragu squick people out, we'd sell a boatload!"

Make that precocious child black and have him eating pancakes at the end instead of spaghetti and that Ragu commercial is basically what happened to me, with extra "GET OUT OF HERE" added

My dad came to talk to me about the importance of knocking on the door... about 25 minutes later

very goal-oriented, my parents are

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

Never. Thank god, I'm sure they've heard me though...

Oh christ I only just read this whole thread... dying.

In 9th grade, the night before I left for a school trip. I was excited & couldnt sleep, awake waaaay late.
Heard my Mum moaning "Harder. Harder. Harder."
And pretty much wanted to kill myself.

Parents kind of spiralled into dysfunctional mutual dislike after that, separate bedrooms the whole works. I guess I could think of it as a fond memory of a time when they still liked each other enough to get it on...but I really don't.

Just writing about my Mum saying that squicked me out all over again!

visited my dad in SF when i was 16. hadn't seen him in a few years. figured out that he was gay when he had screamingly loud sex w/ his flatmate on the first night. guess it was his way of introducing the subject? tbf, i'd had my suspicions. the next day, we got high and went to see kiss of the spider woman.

used to hear my mom and stepdad going at it occasionally cuz their bedroom was directly above mine. did my best to tune it out, wore headphones, whatever.