ITT: An adult virgin gives you sex and relationship advice

I am a 25 year old male who has never as much as kissed a girl* and has only had a small handful of awkward, flash-in-the-pan single dates, which makes me more than qualified to handle your most delicate sex and love problems. To be sure, all my time not spent dating, having sex, or being in relationships has been put to good use by thinking deeply about sexuality in abstract, theoretical ways. So please, allow me to give you authoritative advice on issues that require the sort of exacting tact which only someone that lacks any and all sexual experience can provide.

*A guy once pecked me on the lips, but that didn't really count.

homo deuce to thread

is that me?

no, but you are of course welcome to hold court

Think of this thread often when I see many ilxors giving life/happiness/whatever advice tbbrwu

tbbrwu?

tuber woo?

is that a sex thing?

Tubers signify a lot to my ppl

Oh the good (not actually) old days of October 2013. I did legit kiss someone less than two months after starting this thread. I'm still pretty defective, sexually, tho'