How can I stop DESTROYING???

You're a quack and a charlatan!

The key to unlocking the puzzle of your self-destructive behaviour is in your first sentence. Obviously, you have an unresolved animosity toward your parents. Therefore, you did not successfully navigate your childhood Oedipal journey by reconciling your mother’s caregiving role with your sexual impulses.

Your animus manifests in the destruction of your adult relationships as you unconciously transfer your failed-Oedipal relationship onto your sexual partner. The anger you feel toward your mother manifests itself onto your partner as she starts to assume a caregiving role during the maturation of your relationship.

The one-night-stand is a result of your unconscious desire to escape your mother— by stating that you do not fancy her, you tell me that you will not put her into the role of being your mother. She is not in danger of becoming your mother, therefore she becomes ‘safe’ in your unconscious to have sex with you.

As for a recommendation on the proper course of action to stop your self-destructive behaviour, I believe that a series of one-night-stands with willing elderly women who can bake you cookies in the morning should solve your Oedipal dilema.

Now go on and be a good boy— you know, Doctor’s orders and all...

You're a quack and a charlatan and a prevert!

Anyway, my partner never assumed the caregiver role, she was as cold as ice.

Hmmm, there seems to be an inherent conflict in your description of your failed relationship— on one side, you describe her as “special,” but then you say that she “was as cold as ice.” It is very likely that the lack of an ascension, or inability to ascend to a caregiver role caused the descent of your view of her, further reinforcing her image as your mother.

She was/is special in other ways than being a caregiver. Broaden your horizons Doc.

And my view of her never descended, I still think she's special. Even though she is cold.

You misunderstand. I have not indicated that the male-female dynamic is solely based on caregiver roles. It is, however, part of the dynamic. If your childhood experience with your caregiver(s) was negative, this will color your view of caregiver roles in adult relationships.

And while your conscious view of her might not have descended, do not discount your unconscious. It is your unconscious that is leading you on your self-destructive path.

Now, I have a question— define “special.” Specifically, what about her made her special to you?

She was/is special because she's intelligent, dynamic, inquisitive, bright, she's not conventionally pretty, but I find her beautiful physically, and she's confident with herself.

Good. Now, what makes her cold to you?

How should I know? You're the head doctor! Haha.

No, seriously :{ She never spoke about feelings, never showed any affection really, seemed uncomfortable if I did, and seemed into playing games (such as "I won't contact you until you contact me lalala). I realise that isn't very clear, I can't really think about it in an organised way at the moment.

You were right Doc, I reckon. But I'm about to do it all again. I know the reasons is one thing, but I can't stop. I can't stop getting involved with fucking idiots.