Role playing

He cannot be me, for I am actually myself, although only because of my mother. He must be one of these murderous dwarfs.

Obviously, trying to analyze everyone he meets is a very serious problem.

At first glance, this appears to be symptomatic of a deeper paranoia. His mutterings of the “collective unconscious” while being apparently ignorant of Jung’s Swiss origins demonstrates that he is not truly imitating Jung, but instead imitating Josef Stalin imitating Jung. He is obviously worried about farming production, fearing that his Muscovite enemies displaced on state farms have been trying to incite counter-revolution by convincing others to lie down on the job, hence “collective unconscious.” He is now imitating Jung to confuse these enemies.

I fear that his paranoia will lead him to start the purges. We must determine, post haste, if my hypothesis is correct. I suggest presenting him with a bottle of Absolut disguised as a Russian Soviet vodka. If he can tell the difference, I suspect that you may be in danger of being sent to a Gulag and we will have to take drastic action.

Well I'm glad you cleared that up! It all suddenly makes sense....the mysterious midnight disappearance of his mother-in-law, the stockpile of weapons in his garage, his habit of addressing his friends as 'comrades', and the child labour camps he has established in his backyard.

Last time he pretended to be a paranoid dictator it all very nearly ended in tragedy. His Jewish parents were not too impressed with his Hitler phase, and all the stomping and wild arm flailing made his employer briefly consider giving him the sack. Lucky for him he works for the government so it's near bloody impossible to sack him. What can I do to stop this paranoid delusion? Can you suggest a more appropriate person for him to imitate? Also who are the murderous dwarfs that he speaks of?

I believe that a more appropriate person for him to imitate would be either Rich Little or Steve Coogan, thereby giving him an additional layer of imitation to sort through. Perhaps we can then buy some time until we can chart a clearer course of action. Of course we must before he decides he’s an American president and obtains access to the nuclear codes— recent history has shown that any fool can become an American president.

Coincidentally, I shall be in Florida for the rest of the week at a murderous dwarf symposium.

I lay awake last night too afraid to sleep for fear a murderous dwarf would make his way into my house and brutalise me as I slept. As I mentally checked and re-checked the locks on my doors and windows I was struck by a cruel epiphany. For too long I had avoided any dwarf who happenned my way, for too long I had clutched my bag desperately to myself when a suspiciously short individual happenned to sit near me on the train. It has occurred to me that the warnings I have been given regarding 'murderous dwarfs' were never intended to be taken literally, (after all when do we ever REALLY mean what we say). I now realise that the term murderous dwarfs actually refers to an altogether different breed of height-challenged individuals. Dwarfs are not to be feared, mocked and avoided, because they pose no real threat to all us righteous, god-fearing, tall folk. Instead we must direct our righteous idignation and hate where it belongs. It all seems so obvious now, children are the real threat to our society. Sure they look harmless enough with those big dewy eyes, that gurgling laugh, and those dimpled, chubby bodies, but underneath that innoccent facade children are all pure evil. Sure they can deny that they are harbouring weapons of mass destruction in their sand pits, but that just shows a blatant disregard for adults who demand they disarm. If they are so innocent why don't they give up their weapons, huh? Why would they even have sand pits if it's not to hide nuclear technology in?
I'm here to show my personal support for George Bush's righteous war against terror. That's right, George has had it right all along, beneath the facade of a bumbling idiot George is a genius. He has known for years about these evil children and their plans for world domination, and that's why he has been letting all those Iraqi children die with trade sanctions. And this is why he's going to bomb Iraq and kill some more of those repugnant little buggers. Sure some innocent adults might die, but that's a price George is willing to pay. Great work George! George is a paragon of christian virtue, Jesus would be so proud! I just can't wait till he gets to work on all those little American brats.

Perhaps this is why upon being given a time out, my three year old would tell me, “Daddy, I'm going to kill you,” in a very me-ian, oedipal manner.
When do we mean what we say? I am tempted to suggest that all conversation flow through me, where I can translate everyone’s true meaning, but that would be the end of platitudes and greeting cards. And of course I would never want to cause the destruction of a form of conversation or an industry.
Ah, and poor George— I’ve worked on him for far too long, and all I can say is— there is nothing beneath that façade.

And your homocidal daughter would be the famous Anna? Aren't kids sweet?

Hope the murdersous dwarf convention went well.

I think you should try a little harder with George doc. Surely his right-wing religiosity is a mask to hide his rampant homosexuality, and nasty drug habit?

On a side note, why is homsexuality always rampant? Why don't people ever hide their mildy homosexual desires? Do homosexuals repress their rampant heterosexuality?

Speaking of murderous dwarfs, I believe that George’s current problem is not an occult homosexuality, but rather a compensation for drug-induced impotence. When he blithely blathers banalities about “sowing the seeds of democracy,” he is really compensating for his own inadequacies as he unconsciously yearns to spread his own seed in the manner of presidents past.

His faux-religiosity is an affectation born of the criminal manner in which he built his personal fortune upon commercial land stolen via the American Judiciary System through the political contacts of his father.

His problems can be further traced to his mother, Barbara, who is really a man. ‘Her’ similarity to George Washington (in drag) is what truly lit his desire for the presidency— not his milksop father’s oil-fuelled ascendancy.

Great insight into George's psyche there. I can see there is only one way to stop George's warmongering....what we really need is a woman of unprecedented bravery, a woman willing to sacrfice everything for the greater good...a woman willing to bonk George Dubya.

I think that the sacrafice would have to be either a surrealist or a dadaist, n'est pas?

I'll look those words up and get back to you on that one